Thankyou for reading in advance. I started gambling 15 years ago now, at first I never thought I had an addiction as I always had access to money so bills got paid. Fast forward to 2023 and I have lost literally thousands of pounds (too many to calculate but has to be in excess of over 400k)!! I have made lots of attempts to stop, going to GA, putting blocks in place on devices, handing over financial control (but taking it back foolishly), counseling the list is endless. My addiction started after a massive win on slots in 2008 and just spiraled from then on. Any chance I could get to a land based or online casino I would take it, the thrill of winning was overwhelming. That was until the downward spiral of debt, lying, deceit and all other vile traits of this horrible addiction took hold. My personality had changed and I had become a monster to live with. My long suffering OH had no control over me but sought help and solace from my amazing supportive family who did everything they could to help. 2018 was a good year, there was no gambling and we managed to book some fabulous holidays which we could never have afforded if I had continued to gamble, then came lockdown and the boredom set in, exclusion systems had expired and I found myself back on line and hitting the slots again. The self destruct button had returned and that was it all over again, every penny we had saved was gone and we were back heavily in debt. My family once again bailed us out but I managed to use some of the money to gamble with and felt awful afterwards. 2021 things started to settle until my OH was arrested and received a conviction (now spent and for which he is fully remorseful for), this pushed me over the edge again considering prior to this we had been the two most law abiding citizens, his conviction reached the press and the humiliation just sent me out of control again. Today I received news that the police had been made aware of my gambling via messages we had sent to each other on WhatsApp, I feel so ashamed and humiliated, down and just bewildered how we both reached the point we are both at in our lives. This feels like the icing on the cake and I have to stop once and for all. I can no longer suffer the shame and humiliation this compulsion brings and am desperate to stop now. I had my last gamble on 11th January and literally vow that will have been my last ever deposit. I am registered with Gamstop and am due to renew my five year exclusion next year however Gamstop has not stopped me accessing international sites which I know are more corrupt and unregulated. I have tried to get my bank cards blocked from gambling transactions but the international sites don’t have that protection as they use all kinds of unscrupulous merchants.
I will start a recovery diary and want to aim for the 90 day target as per GA and then I will continue to set targets. Coming on this site is new to me and hopefully I will get the support to abstain and remain that way. Again thank you for reading and best wishes to everyone struggling. X
Hello Aliceinmadland
Welcome to the Forum where you will find identification, understanding and support with others in Recovery from Problem Gambling.
You have stated that you have put in place GamStop, however, are still able to access International Sites. You can put in place Blocking Software which will block all access to gambling online:
Link for FREE GamBan gambling blocking software:
https://www.Gamban.com/gamcare
Along with the Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through your struggles. You can contact an Adviser by calling our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or using our LiveChat, WhatsApp or Facebook options. I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward for you.
Please know that you are not alone!
Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
Gambling is not entertainment it distraction for everyday life for very few people its an enjoyable experince bit like expensive concert where u are paying for entertainment but for most it an expensive addiction which can destroy you and the people close to you, it tough once you realise the problem which is why some celebrities fall into the same trap as the more money u have the bigger risks u need to get the same thrill money becomes irrelevent at this stage, good news is things can change for the better as few members that are 10 20 30 years gamble free and still using this site for assistance its not like any other addiction where u could be cured all it takes just that one gamble and u could be back into the same rabbit hole, you need to evaluate the issues you could but every block in place but still find a way to gamble, in order to free yourself for gambling you have put the effort in and remind yourself the dangers gambling id now our friend it a business, a very profitable business without compuslive gambliers this industry wouldnt be able to survive which is why the government allowing it so it up to to make changes, relpases can happen so dont be too hard on yourself make changes each time this happens and remember each day is a new day dont worry about the future just for today i will not gamble?
It will get better with time as long as you stay clean. In 2017 I lost my savings. Last year relapsed and dropped 2 k. But its very possible to stay clean. Find a good hobby, good luck
It will get better with time as long as you stay clean. In 2017 I lost my savings. Last year relapsed and dropped 2 k. But its very possible to stay clean. Find a good hobby, good luck
Hi Alice
While my losses are minuscule in comparison, I can totally relate with you on how this horrible addiction makes us feel! Shame, disgusted, embarrassed...Gambling really is a disease, especially when it can literally ruin us mentally and physically. I have also placed my last bet this month and have self excluded myself for 5 years....
We can do this! Try not to think of your losses, but rather how you could rebuild your life and start having more of that same great 2018 you've had!
I am really confident you'll beat it as you've gone through so much already and giving up it all up means you now finally have your LIFE back. I also have my life back and will start living rather than thinking about gambling every day and wasting hours of my life that I could spent connecting with my friends and family or traveling!
Hiya, consider keeping your money in an ns and I direct saver account. Also open an online only bank account and destroy the card and use Google pay on your phone for everyday living as it doesn't allow cash withdrawals. You can withdraw from the ns and i account anytime but it won't arrive in your bank account until the next working day. The more difficult it is to gamble the easier it is not to. Don't give the fraudsters anymore of your money. Find another escape, the current escapes I have utilised are trips away and a canal boat, much cheaper and genuinely rewarding. Don't let them continue to fool you. It doesn't matter how much they have already taken, they want the same again. All the best.
The thrill of winning is an illusion, the psychologist's are good at designing slot machines. They are the only ones that win, we can't win playing a computer program.
Thank you to everyone who has replied, you have all been great at offering good advice. I think we all know how difficult and turbulent this journey is and it is one from my own experience I could never do alone. I also realise the importance of keeping busy/distracted/occupied, I have to say I look at other people and envy their lack of interest or any connection to gambling, I know what I have to do to achieve that and that is to take one day at a time. Thank you all again, I have started a recovery diary now and can’t wait to get to 90 days.
Alice x
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