Wasted life

Hi I am sorry to hear your problem - I suggest you call stepchange ASAP to discuss your finances as clearly these are unaffordable and you need to agree a plan / stop interest / reduce debts / creditors agreement. This may give you some breathing space - however it’s the gambling that you need to sort and if you are like me you will find another way to satisfy your addiction- hope it works for you

Dear Brokenman,

Welcome to the GamCare Forum.

Please feel welcome to talk things through with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on our Netline.

Hi there

I am glad you have talked. In many ways I am in the same position. Similar age, similar time gambling, similar debts. I thought I had turned a corner a couple of months ago but I hadn’t. I decided to go bigger take greater risks with online roulette, gambling ridiculous amounts. Losing and betting more. And winning and betting more - because I can’t stop - until of course I had been up all night and I couldn’t access any more money.

I too feel like I’m finished, like I’ve wasted my life and have dark thoughts but we are both still here and must carry on. Despite the self-loathing I am sure you have people, your family, who love you very much and would never want you to come to any harm. Some will say you have to come clean etc and that might be better in the long run. However that is your judgment, but I would advise talking to someone, a friend, therapist or stranger to help you rationalise and to help you with this addiction. As Jappy says there are so many opportunities for the gambling addict out there. I truly hope the £2 limit helps you stop, it isn’t too late. But what will you do to replace gambling and the time you spend gambling? I certainly need more fulfilling things to do with my time.

I wish you all the best. You are truly not alone.

Hello mate,

Sorry to hear that you're in this situation. So many on here can relate so you've come to the right place.

Unfortunately you can't rely on the £2 maximum stakes limit. You are a compulsive gambler so you will always find another way. So I would advise on not only banning yourself from all local bookies (use the multi operator tool), you should sign up to gamstop as well to ensure you don't turn to online roulette. Trust me, it is the darkest place you can go and it's so easily accessible.

Another thing we all know is that this addiction thrives on secrecy. You can't do this alone. Honesty is what has made my GF journey successful so far. You might not want to tell your wife because of how you see the consequences, but doesn't she have a right to know? You can't go on with this guilt and weight on your shoulders as this is what will cause you to have those suicidal thoughts (nowhere to turn etc).

I wish you all the best in getting over this illness.

Hi Brokenman,

A familiar story. I’m 52 and while my debts aren’t quite as big as yours they were close to £40k when I decided enough was enough last August. I’ve hardly touched the debt (£37k yesterday) but my loan finishes this month which just leaves the 5 credit cards. I’ve accepted it will take me the best part of 6 years, but I am so much happier being clean.

Just focus on stopping , and do it a day at a time. Get in touch with Stepchange or similar. You will never tackle the debt if you are paying high interest.

Get to a gamblers anonymous meeting and stick with it.

Self exclude, online and in shops. If online isn’t a problem, what do you lose by exclusion through Gamstop ?

Wake up each day and tell yourself that you won’t gamble that day. This is the priority.

Hi, firstly thanks to all for the replies. All great advice and I'll try my best to follow what i can.

Self exclusion is pointless in my case though. I travel all over the Midlands and the South with my job so there really is no way. I Could be in London on Monday, Peterborough on Tues etc etc. It's really finding something else to occupy my mind that i need to do.
When i have stopped in the past, i would usually reoffend when i was bored. So i would maybe be in somewhere like Stevenage for example, with a couple of hours to kill before my next job. What else is there to do i would tell myself. Then it would be "I'll just go in and watch the racing" but not play the machines. Of course half hour later id be on them. Then the worst thing would happen. I'd win!!! That would give me the bug and i'd be hooked again. I used to find i would win on these for a couple of weeks. 50 here, 100 there. I could be over 1000 up within days. But the weird thing is, having that money made me worse. I would maybe splash out a bit on nonsense. Take back fillet steaks and cook for the whole family. Buy the latest ps4 game for the kids, but never ever saving it or putting a bit away. I would actually start getting anxious after i spent a bit. I could've been 1000 up and spent 200, and i would be worried about not eating up my playing stake. You need to bet big to win big was always in my head. I would also play more when winning, feeling invincible. Then the magical day comes when my numbers dont come in. 50 pound spins become 75, become 100. Soon the 800 profit has gone, so it's load another 400 from my debit card. Then that disappears. Another 400. Then i know I'm in trouble. Credit cards come out and I'm withdrawing cash on them at ATMs. Before i know it i'm driving home at least a grand down, and thinking i should veer my car off into the nearest tree.

So then comes the period of abstinence. No gambling. New start, im going to beat this. This can last anything from a few weeks to a couple of months, until that moment of boredom and then the cycle starts again.

Today i haven't gambled or had the urge. I still feel sick from the last binge. I wish i could make this feeling last. Tomorrow , next week, next month, year. If i can manage that it will be ok.
As i said i think the reduced stake will really help. The roulette is my weakness. I have no desire to play the slots so hopefully 31st march marks the end of a long horrible era of my life.
I did self exclude from most online casinos a couple of years ago after another particularly bad loss and having not played on line in all that time, i really think that I'm safe from that. It is only roulette in the shop machines that i relapse on.

Sorry for rattling on, i just wanted to explain a little of how i got to this stage.

Genuinely wish to say thanks again to all who have read and all who have replied. It does help knowing I'm not the only one who has this problem, and that some people have managed to get over it.
All the best to you all. X

Why are you taking you debit cards, credit cards and cash with you ?

Why haven't you cut the credit cards up ? Maybe keep one, if you really, really need it for work.

Why haven't you asked your credit cards to disable cash withdrawls ?

The obvious solution for those who have to travel is to ask their credit card company to disable cash withdrawls and just take that one card out with you. No other cash, no debit card. It's not perfect but will surely help.

Why will £2 limits make a difference ?.

You will still be bored, and by your own admission "just pop in to watch the racing".

I suspect you will still be bored, and start to use the excuse that 'its only £2 stake, I won't be able to lose much'.

I can gurantee that some on here who are wishing the days away until the £2 limit comes in, will be here in 12 months saying that they now spend 4 hour sessions sat at a machine in a shop. They will even say that at least last year they lost their money quickly.

You clearly need to start attending GA. It's a 2 hrs once, ideally twice a week.

If you are working away, it will be pretty easy to find a meeting other than your home one.

Everything else is simply excuses. Sorry.

So far you've explained what you can't do to stop this.

What are you going to do?

I am gong to limit the amount of cash available to me. I only use 1 credit card to get the cash. Usually build that up to near it's limit of 2k then do a balance transfer to another card so it's clear and start again. Don't need the card to be honest. Have a corporate card for work expenses so I will get rid of the credit card. Will close the account altogether when the balance is clear.

Don't need much cash either as I have a fuel card so it's only pocket money I actually use day to day. I will leave debit cards at home.

Been thinking of trying GA. Just don't know if i can do it but I will look into it. Black clouds in my head and feelings that it's all too
late, are making it difficult to motivate but I'm working on it.

Keep working on it. And don’t get too down with all of those judging you and telling you to do this or that. Just work on it in your way.

You say your family are going to find out at some point. They will of course. That's a given. How do you think that will go if they stumble across your secret rather than you being upfront with them?

You say you're worried your wife will leave. She might. She might not but not telling her takes away her chance to make an informed choice. It also leaves you unaccountable to anyone but yourself which in turn makes it very much easier to justify then make another bet.

If you're serious about stopping it's time to step out of the comfort zone and make it happen with real, concrete blocks and attendance at counselling and GA.

Your story and responses are interesting to me as you sound like me for the past 5 years! Playing at it! Not taking the correct advice - not handing over to the higher power. So I will reassess my actions and take some of the advice and disabling the cash facilities on cards is another barrier I will take as I have an emergency support if needed. Hopefully you will take the advice and give way to the higher power, that’s your call, I thank you for how you will help me.

Hi, you said you wished you could hold onto the 'sick' feeling. I thought the same. I really wanted to remind myself of how awful I felt - so I do, everyday. I'm 16 days gamble free. On my phone (in the notes section), I wrote my kids names, the money I lost, the money I staked and then lost again, I wrote the lies I tell, the sleepless nights and the life I will lose if I carry on. I wake up every morning and I read it. It makes me feel sick, and then I read it again before I go to bed.

It's like a weird punishment to myself (as if we don't punish ourselves enough!) and I so far have managed to recreate that sick, stomach wrenching feeling most days - enough to remind me why I don't want to gamble.

I'm not saying it will work for you - but when I get the urge to gamble it seems as if I become a different person - one that sees no wrong in what I'm doing because 'it's only £20' or 'just keep it under £50' or 'gamble just for a bit of fun' - and then before I know it, I'm sucked back into that s**t world and come out the other side far worse off, again.

Everyday I wake, I lay in my bed and read my notes, what I have done and remind myself that today will be another day where I don't gamble - and then I go to bed and reward myself with reading my notes and reminding myself that today, I won. I really hope you find your way through this, a day at a time. xx

Just heard on the news today that bookies have managed to get round the£2 max stake on their roulette. Apparently it's some on line thing and you can do up to 500 per spin. Disgraceful if this is true.

As for me, it shouldn't make any difference. I seem to have lost any will to gamble now anyway. Been nearly 2 weeks since my last time and I basically am struggling to even get out of bed in the morning let alone gamble.
Just don't have any drive to do anything, it's like "what's the point". I'm just basically avoiding people wherever possible. Working late if I can or just driving round if i can't.
Not exactly living is it, but at least it's not gambling.