Hi,
not sure where im going with this but i can i guess this is something i havent tried. For as long as i remember i have gambled one way or another in terms of a football bet or roulette/slots. Will this help me, probably not. Each month especially for the last couple of years i have lost the majority of my wage within the first day or so (unless had a rare win) in which i wait for it to clear and do the same process again . Why !? I really couldnt tell you. I believe that due to outstanding build up of debt i try to win the amount i owe out each month to hide the fact i need to pay it (from family). This never works . Twice i have been so low i needed a massive family involvement in where my nan bailed me out . The first time a few years ago lasted a few months after with limited gambling felt miles better in myself and started a positive realtionship and things were looking up. As soon as the costs builded up or i didnt come out with alot of money i tried a small amount(£50) for a quick boost of income. Soon enough i was spiralling down the same path i thought i left behind and it got even worse than previous. I repeated the problem but this time before i seeked help i truly hit rock bottom . The sleepless nights anxiety every time the door knocked thinking it was debt collection agencies (alot of pay day loans to hide losses / gamble again) made me a nervous wreck. Even now i still dont like a knock on the door. This all brings me to now and and believe me its truly the worst bit now. Every month is hard with the lies of why i got no money , why i dont go out as much or even just get food at work . But its completely took over my life. I wait checking constantly online banking waiting to be paid just so i can try and get infront. Recently my mood has spiraled up and down and my body is starting to rebel. I may what appear to sleep for days but the actual time asleep is limited. Over the last year i have become a dad and i generally thought this would inspire me to stop gambling and grow up and become responsible.. i think its been my worse year gambling. racking up £700 on 2 £30 a day phone websites i hit my dad ( bill payer) with the realisation that i took this out his bank through my actions and he was down this money with no warning. Usually losing from £600-£1000 a month from my own account is soul destroying but i have dealt with that but seeing the impact it had on my family literally tortured me to the point i questioned whether it would be better off without me and my problems. Thankfully i have quickly moved from that thought as i knew i could never go through with it until christmas just gone where it happened again. I lay in my bed toying over ideas of how to stop all the pain IVE caused and changed other peoples lifes for the worse. I never wanted to be in that postion again EVER. but all this talk of change comes after ive lost everything and know i cant for a month till payday comes back around.And for the 3rd time in my life i questioned this again this time holding my almost 9 month daughter and literally broke down in tears looking at her face thinking it isnt fair what im doing and how much it will affect her. I still havent told anyone yet i cant pay them this month and this effects everyone this time. For the last 48 hours i havent sleep as spent most the time losing it all and then worrying about telling them. Is it right to say im depressed when this is so much self inflicted. of course i am but that isnt a reason i am like this. I feel i could have a mental illness which is so commonly ignored but again is this just a get out to try and make myself feel better. What can i do , is going to the doctors a good idea and do anti depressants work? i tried 2 counselling sessions in which they did help me understamd but as soon as payday come round. the cycle begin and the bottomless pit of self pity and worthlessness begins. I hate the fact im coming across as 'attention seeking' or trying to make it seem worse than what it is . But believe me , i wouldnt wish this on anyone.
I really hope i can comment a month from now in a postion im happier and gamble free. Fingers crossed i guess and lets see if this has helped because even for a minute i felt like just typing this out has .
Hi Liam, welcome to the forum 🙂
Firstly, can I say a big well done for coming here...I know you’re not expecting much from it but as you have quickly discovered, writing it down can help. Secondly, yes, this is a mind problem...Everything you have said is very common for us gamblers & although we may not realise it @ the time, we aren’t just gambling for that big win because no win is big enough. We cannot win because we cannot stop.
The doctors can help but there is no miracle cure! 2 counselling sessions are a start but this isn’t going to go away & I really think you would benefit from the real life support in a GA room. Much of what you write is written in the 1st piece of GA literature I picked up, the little orange book & I think it would help you to hear how other people are finding their peace. You are in a bad place & even though your little girl lights up your world, being a daddy is REALLY hard work.
People are going to find out that you can’t pay so tell them ASAP & ask them to help you, but not by bailing you out. Get them to phone the helpline if they are struggling to know how to cope themselves, help them find a GamAnon meeting. Someone needs to take control of your finances to stop you being able to gamble it all away. It’s enough when you say it is enough...Gambling will not give you anything but heartache. Reach out, get help & stick with it this time...Don’t let gambling take anymore of your soul! Enough is enough - ODAAT
Heartbreaking to read that . As regards the depression bit and going to the doctors all I can say is its just the gambling that's making you feel depressed . Address that and the depression will go . I know it's hard . I'm on day 11 tomorrow. I've come to the conclusion after years of gambling that the only way to stop is to take each day as it comes and say to yourself every morning I'm not going to gamble today . Sounds easy doesn't it and I know that's not the case but it's working for me . I've deactivated all my accounts , if they're not accessible I can't use them . Simplify things . Good luck pal you'll soon see the gamble free days go into weeks /months etc .
Hi All
This is all so familiar, I am amazed I have my friends or family left ! I have hidden out on my own at home for the last month , worked Christmas and avoided seeing anyone if I could help it . Been up and down so many times over last 8 years, destroyed my marriage of 25 years , relationships with my kids broken down , my parents in their 70s don’t need this and worry to death .
Almost lost my house , work so much just to claw my way back then spend all my wage in one night and am back to square one !! Low point this month was knowing I was driving round with no mot , no tax, uninsured in an unsafe carjusg to get to work and start all over again!!
So basically last.last chance with my family . Had to admit to all the debt they thought I was paying , gambling the settlement from my divorce and still borrowing !!
Luckily my daughter has taken over , taken my cards , changed my online banking passwords, got my email passwords and is basically monitoring everything. she has made sure my rent is paid , got a cheap roadworthy , taxed , insured car and basically gives me the minimum amount of cash a week! So far this has been almost 3 weeks and while I really want to gamble I can’t
I know this is my last chance I’m hoping to get on a Gordon Moody residential course for women but these are very much in demand ..
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