Why do we do it?!

Hello all, this is my first post since signing up.

Why do we gamble? Why do we choose to risk the money we work so hard for?! And why do we Lie about gambling? Both to ourselves and other people?  

I'm a 43 year old with a decent job, I come from a normal'ish family. But I have gambled for the most of my adult life, i can even trace it back to when i was a teenager when my at the time best friend dragged me down to the local arcades every. 

If you were to ask me today why I do it? I honestly wouldn't be able to answer that, I don't enjoy it, it's like it's just become part of a routine or a cycle, like in never happy unless I'm s******g my life up somehow.  My gambling has never really impacted anyone else other than myself until recently, and has cost me my relationship with the only woman I've ever truly loved. 

I've been in serious denial about my problems and it took umpteen attempts from her to get me to acknowledge I have an issue. Hopefully one day she will find it in herself to forgive me, a second chance seems unlikely but its my own fault I can now see that. 

I have removed myself from gambling altogether, I have banned myself on gamstop, and have pretty much stopped watching football atm, I have got a second job to help occupy my mind and help me start to rebuild myself financially.  I have promised my nearest and dearest that I am done with gambling, and intend to fulfill that promise. Today is day 35 on the wagon. Don't make the same mistakes I have made. Get addicted to making money not losing it. Life will be far easier that way! 

Cheers 

Mark