Wife of a gambler

Look after you! Hi Doz, welcome to the site 🙂

I'm sure there will be other loved ones along with personal advice soon. For what it's worth, you have every right to be disgruntled...He has deceived you & it's going to hurt but this is a good place to start your own recovery. GamCare offer counselling support for you that may be useful in answering some of your concerns & GamAnon groups come highly recommended!

It's great that your husband is working towards recovery & even better if he came clean rather than you finding out. I'm almost scared to cast aspersions knowing nothing about your situation but what I will say is ensure you are fully aware of the state of his finances (getting credit reports) to ensure he is not hiding anything from you. An active CG is not to be trusted...We are manipulative & sneaky, always working out how to fund our next bet (albeit sometimes with the intention of enriching your life)! Decide what you need from him in regards to transparency, handing over finances, attending meetings, having counselling etc & never give an ultimatum you are not prepared to carry through.

Recovery will be hard for him & I owe mine in a large part to my now husband so your support if you have the strength will mean a lot! You are entitled to be angry but there is hope. Look after yourself & stay strong -ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT, this is much appreciated!! I have taken total financial control and we have agreed to do the GA and GamAnon thing together too. I am sure he will appear on here at some point very soon. He has a 30yr habit to break and he is fully aware that he will not get another chance with me. He didn't come clean I had to find the evidence for myself unfortunately but I am trying to be a good person despite the pain this has caused me. The financial impact could have been a lot worse than it is, so I just hoping he doesn't need to fall lower before he can get back up. This is just sooo difficult for me to understand!

You are very unlikely to be able to understand something that we do & don't understand ourselves! I think for most loved ones, it is the pain that the deceit has caused that hurts more than the lost money...It must feel like being cheated on 🙁

I'll be honest, my 1st instinct is to question his sincerity because he didn't come clean but a wiser man than I once posted that it doesn't matter how one gets to GA, it's getting there that counts. I get the impression that your eyes are wide open & you won't be taking any lip service from him which is important as someone 'not ready' will say anything you need to hear to be able to continue their destruction. There is also a good mixture of people on here in recovery because they were found out (some suggesting it was a relief) & because they realised they had a problem!

Don't allow his problem to become your guilt, you did not cause this & choosing to support him takes a lot of strength.

I have been married before and that husband had some similar issues and maybe I am starting to feel that it is something about me that allows it all to happen. My rational head says different though. Thank you for this insight, it does truly helps alot!