£7k down in a night

I should add that I am signed to Gamstop but we opened an account in my partner's name for "fun" bets, linked to our joint account. That's the one I used for this. She still hasn't seen it and I am shaking. 

Hi,

So what happens if you win? You will probably use the winnings to continue gambling and keeping it from your partner. We all dream of a big win and we promise ourselves we will stop. Never happens.

If you lose?. More debt, more lies, more chasing.

Why not come clean - you might be given another  chance. You might not throw everything away and you can begin to rid yourself of your addiction.

In answer to your question - only you can answer that

Best

Posted by: Bananaz

I have an idea of applying for a huge loan, and putting everything on a colour. If it wins then I can talk my way out of it. If it loses, well what difference does it make, my partner will leave me anyway.

Please don't do it mate.

This is not about winning or losing anymore, or getting thrown out by your partner or not getting thrown out - right now it's about admitting you have a serious gambling problem which is out of control, you need help and are willing to do whatever it takes to get well.

You 'lost' the battle with gambling ages go mate - that day you had bets then came home feeling a bit sick and low - that was the day you realised you had a problem. All bets since (won or lost) have been effectively a loss, a loss of control.

Throw in the towel mate. You still have a lot left to lose if you're not careful and continue down this path - dignity, self-respect, security, credit score, friends, family, g r a s P on reality, sanity, life itself.

All have been lost by others to gambling.

Get out now and you've got out lucky to be fair. Especially if you come clean to your partner about your problem and they surprise you by supporting you and not leaving you.

If you do that loan thing it really doesn't matter if you win or lose... If nothing changes nothing changes friend.

You will still be a gambling addict with a massive problem on your hands. Start getting help for your problem and suddenly you become a gambling addict who is trying to address their problem.

Ps you're not an idiot for having a gambling problem, you're a person with a very serious problem on their hands who needs support and guidance from others to get on top of this.

Your rationale about the loan bet is borne out of the grip gambling has over you currently - if you got help now and worked a good recovery and looked back at that statement 10 years from now you'd truly see how sick you were at the time.

Thanks Signalman. I know you are right. I've reset the internet banking passwords and claimed I did it by mistake and am waiting on new ones through the post. In the meantime I've decided to have one final bet then stop forever, whatever happens. I know it's stupid but it's in my nature. Thanks for all your advice and support. 

In the grand scheme of life £7k is not that much.

It may be catastrophic for your relationship but you need to stop digging a hole.

get a 2nd job and pay back your partners share of savings

I know how your feeling and i used to gamble in the same way. It would start off with losing a few quid but then it would quickly escalate to losing thousands in a few hours.

You need to seek help and hope your partner understands. I lied to my partner twice, lost my savings and i told her to leave me but she stayed by my side.

You need to see a counciler to reset your mindset as losing large sums of money is not good for anyones mental health. 

Please seek the help you need otherwise it will be a case of making things worse in a hope your gambling will make things better.

Heartfelt thanks for all the advice. I did get the loan but I've not done anything with it and I can send it back. I'm going to tell my partner tomorrow evening after work.

The annoying thing is I only registered on this site originally to share my success story of stopping fobt and online gambling, which is why I have a daft username, I was in a great place when I registered.

Now I'm facing ruin. 

Stay strong send the money back. I remember i got a loan for 6k bet it on a football match thinking i would win my money back. I spent an hour pacing the streets of birmingham constantly refreshing my screen at 7am in the morning. As you can imagine i lost and i broke down in front of my gf. You can do this. 

You guys won't believe this but I put the bet on something totally random, tennis related and it won. But I'm not going to bet anymore after today. 

Well done Bananaz. You will be very relieved.  I was lucky enough to do the same as you very recently. I lost big then won my money back by chasing.

I have gambled and chased multiple times and it has always ended in me losing more and more money. Even in rare moments when I won my money back and vowed never again I would keep gambling. Remember, we only get that dopamine kick when we lose. Be strong and dont be fooled into thinking you know what you are doing now.

And I've just screwed it up. Absolutely screwed it up. I just couldn't walk away.

Strangely I feel serene and peaceful now. It's like I'm in a dream and it's not real right now. My partner is sitting in the next room blissfully unaware I've just destroyed our future for the sake of trying to make an extra hundred quid. 

Hello Bananaz

It has been difficult following your story since yesterday. You've been on the gambling roller coaster all right. Sometimes forum members can find stories of chasing losses and wins triggering, but it looks like everyone just really feels for you and hoped you would be able to stop and walk away. 

What's happened has happened, and as you say you feel serene because you've been forced off the roller coaster. All the money has gone and you can't gamble any more. Do you feel ready to take action now, to stop this happening again?

If you feel like talking about this 1:1, why not call our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133? If you prefer webchat, you can chat to an Adviser 1:1 on the NetLine too. Both are open 8am till midnight every day.

Take care and keep posting,

Forum Admin

Hey

So sorry to hear what's happened. I feel your pain like it was my own :o( as do most others on here. You're not alone in what's happened to you, trust me on that.

So you have a severe gambling problem and it's needs addressing. Please understand that. 

"You guys won't believe this but I put the bet on something totally random, tennis related and it won. But I'm not going to bet anymore after today"

See this comment here? This is testimony to your illness. Bless you, if it were this easy then gamcare wouldn't be in existence and gambling addiction wouldn't be a deadly (yes deadly) and devastating disease. 

You can beat this. If you do it the right way, not your way...

"I've decided to have one final bet then stop forever, whatever happens. I know it's stupid but it's in my nature"

Your nature needs redefining. You can only do this through healthy actions from here. Do you understand where I'm coming from. You need to reconfigure your nature from here...

Give the loan back. I did exactly the same thing (I took 3 large loans out before my credit rating plummeted - then I gave them back... Thank the lord I did)

She's probably going to find out right? You can still make that deposit mate - it's just going to take longer now. You are sick with gambling so I think financial controls need to be relinquished don't you? I guess you'll need to tell her what happened and if you're serious about starting over this will give you the platform to hand over controls to her?

Gamstop, gamban, GA, GP (counselling/medication?), self-exclusion, gambling addiction podcasts (eg after gambling) - if you've truly accepted gambling has you beat then you'll look into all of these. Build up an armoury of defence before gambling comes looking for you again (it will) and causes further destruction in your life.

I promise you that you can all these horrible urges to self-destruct and destroy your life can be addressed if you're willing. Willing and motivated to do this. Don't let gambling waste any more of your life.

I"just destroyed our future for the sake of trying to make an extra hundred quid"

You're future is not destroyed, it's just f****d up for a bit - please heed my warning though when I say you are in a very vulnerable place right now and you could actually finish the job and destroy it if youre laissez-faire about the advice given to you from here on in.

Please accept this final statement as the most important - you'll only get out what you put in when it comes to recovering from gambling addiction.

Some people read about what needs doing from here and can't be arsed, or are not ready to accept gambling has them by the balls, or some naively think they are stronger than most and can sort this out their way.

If I may be so bold to say reading the passage of time that has passed for you recently you're no stronger than any of us on here who have been knocked the f**k out by gambling, in fact you fit in perfectly round these parts.

Take the advice - give yourself a fighting chance against this terrible illness that has you. If your partner stays with you after this you have all the impetus right there to engineer an excellent recovery.

Dismiss the advice - hey, you may overcome this on your own and live a wholesome life.

Or we may hear from you a year from now and your single, living with a family member or sofa-surfing and eating a pot noodle with a tin of beans for dessert?

This couldn't happen to you?

Did you think losing 7k in a night could happen to you?

We're not blessed, we're not special... We are gambling addicts who if not careful, will destroy ourselves.

You still have a future - but take the advice and don't gamble with it from here matey.

I wish you all the best getting through this tough time, thoughts are with you.

Ps I got a message like this similarly after posting a message like yours - my response was to tell anyone who told me to fess up to do one, I fessed up in the end. Thank god I did - whether she left me or not is not the point... Telling someone else about your gambling addiction is a huge weight lifted and also serves to neutralise the thing it thrives on most, secrecy.

Take care ?