Back to the start all over again please give input

Hi Mate, just read your reply to my post and I also wish you all the best in this journey.

One thing I personally find that helps is having a picture of myself with the family next to the computer that is used for online gambling. The picture was not put there intentionally however looking at it now helps me mentally why it is important to stop and build up the guilt.

Another tactic is to be productive. I am reaching out back to my hobbies to take my mind off things, do you have anything that can replace the urges?

A budget spreadsheet is another item I have found to take the edge of financial anxiety. 

It isn't an easy ride and the emotions are fast paced - I hope that you can grab the bull by the horns on this one.

Take care 😉

There is a course on here that I’m doing at the moment called ‘game change’ it’s a cognitive behaviour therapy but you get to speak with a therapist once a week when you’ve completed that weeks module, if you go to the self help part of the menu it’s the last option! It’s made me think about my behaviour and how it’s affected everyone around me but not in a way that will make you feel any more down then you feel at the moment. It’s really changed my perspective of this horrible addiction! I’m a mum to 2 kids and 1 has special needs, I have fought tooth and nail to keep him in school while fighting for a diagnosis, but then knowing how much change would disrupt him and put him on a downhill spiral I nearly lost our home because I wasn’t paying rent (even though my partner thought I was!!) that makes me feel like c@@P but I know that wasn’t the real me, that was the sick me and thinking about it makes me want to fight harder to beat this! 
Accept all the help you can because you ARE worth it, you ARE a good man deep but you’re just struggling at the moment! Everybody makes mistakes but as long as you show your family you’re doing things to put it right, things will get better eventually!!

please keep your head up keep talking to your loved ones and remember that they love you unconditionally! Be honest with your wife she sounds amazing! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Thanks Jardie your words are nice and to the point I don't know what Will happen with me and my partner as I try to explain what it's like and how I'm not meaning to hurt her or the kids when I do mess up,  My daughters not spoke to my partner in a week as when she phoned the ambulance when I was unconscious my partner stayed upstairs and said to the kids if he dies he dies I know she never meant it how it sounds but my 19yrs old daughter said she can't get those words out of her head. I tell her that mams went through a lot with me when I was a heavy drinker My my post traumatic stress disorder was bad,  I never laid a hand on her it was just what she had to live through.  You know I've not drank for over 5yrs and it will never touch my lips again I'm now putting gambling in the same pot I never want to bet on anything again in my life it's got to the time when enough is enough I've had it I'm not saying it will be easy but I can't allow myself in a position where I don't want to live anymore it's not fair on the kids I need them I know I don't go out and I'm in the house all the time but my kids can always talk to me and I love them with all my heart I don't know how my kids have turned out so switched on when they've had me as a dad. Posts traumatic stress disorder is a very bad condition to watch and they've seen me at my worst and if me and my partner split up then so be it that's life and she deserves to be happy in life and I would want nothing more than to know she is happy and content and not having to put up with me and how I must make her feel. I really believe it would be easier on my own with the kids as sometimes enough is enough and I'm going to give her the option to go live her life tonight I need to I'm not a person who has to be with someone I can just get on with the kids and we will always be friends.  Sometimes you've got to set free who you live thanks for being there 

What a great idea I only go on the computer to check messages ect but that would be nice, I don't have a mobile as I'm not a people's kind off person and with the house phone I have sky guard so I know who it is before I answer and that's just down to my family in Scotland they put me in a dark place when I talk to them. They just drink all the time talk to me about gambling and tell me all there problems that may sound like I'm closed but you would have to see them to believe it,that's why I left Scotland when I was 16yrs old well hope you all are well and thanks for the both off you taken time to talk 

You are not alone I have the same problem which I thought it under control, guess what? nearly 6 grands gone in space of few hours last night from online slots. I hate myself so much relapse multiple times always keep telling myself this time going to be the last but here we go again back to square one. It not easy when you thought everything is under control, then you chasing your lost which you never going to get it back. Money had gone, now the best we can do try our hardest not gone to the gamble website and restart all over again.

No that's me finished no more it's going to take me some time to get over nearly  £8000 can't believe how stupid I was and what gets me is how they allow you to bet as much as to me that's a proper problem gambler so they say all of this is meant to have got sorted, I know we're the ones that place the bets but if I was overseeing this site I don't know if we we're on the same one but its meant to be monitored I  off for good I can't keep doing this that money will be so much better given to my kids what a waste off space I feel no no no no more

Sorry to hear about your situation. 

It seems so cruel that one mental illness can cause a knock on affect that makes life even harder to bear. 

I've been told many times that the gambling is my way of punishing myself because I don't feel like I deserve happiness. 

The way you talk about yourself is similar to how I talk about myself. 

Maybe the solution here isint to focus on all of your "flaws" maybe you should try to focus on your worth. It sounds like you have a family that love you, you should think about why they do.

Also you seem to love your family. Would you talk about them the same way you talk about yourself? I highly douth that. 

I'm trying to take control and one day at a time I've got it in me never wanting to gamble again but we all know that feeling is always there when you just mess up and lose a lot off money. Well on Friday I was gutted as my partner went to get some shopping and her card got declined, so she came home in a terrible mood accusing me off gambling again. But I hadn't it was down to me losing the £8000 as they had took  £4000 out off the bank and draining the overdraft and putting us into an unarranged overdraft causing loads of charges. Well non Friday they had took the other  £4000 out my partners account but I'd asked them to give me 28days to try and sort my finances out,  but they took it out by direct debit and left us in a way I don't know how to sort. The bank then rejected The payment up to the total amount off our overdraft leaving us with nothing and all payments being rejected causing more charges on our account. I 've got some high up people on my side as there not happy with what's going on but all this takes time. But I was in a position where I had a church come to our aid and drop some food off to us. I feel so ashamed that I've put us in this position but I've really no idea how I can sort this situation out.  I've never been left in such a  situation and just having no way in my head off getting on top of this. What a horrible and destructive addiction just seems so wrong how you can get in so deep in such a short space off time no wonder it's blowing peoples life's apart. I know its us that mess up but surely the company's have a responsibility to us as we're addicted to this horrible system off gambling harm. Well that's what I think 

Hi Kevthekev40

Thank you for continuing to use our forum. I hope you are finding it useful speaking to others here and that you are getting the support you are looking for. 

It sounds like things have been tough for you recently, I am wondering if you have contacted Stepchange or the National Debtline with regards to your finances? They may be able to help make them a little more manageable for you. 

I am glad you were able to get some help from the local church, another option could be to look at The Trussel trust for help with food. 

As always our advisers are available 24 hours a day to offer advice and support on this. Please feel free to call anytime on our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or on the LiveChat.

Keep posting and take care, 

Rebecca, 

Forum Admin

Thanks all for your words

Hiya Rebecca thanks for the information but at the moment I've got alot on my plate just with having all the mental health teams I'm dealing with at the moment I've got things going on in the background aswell with organizations not happy with what I'm going through therefore helping me. I would be o.k. for food ect if a certain company I don't want to name would just give me a couple of months to sort my finances out instead of just draining my partners overdraft evertime something was in it, they've already had nearly  £5500 from the account but won't just give me a bit of breathing space. Things are in place but they take time. Had a really bad day today as me and my partner don't agree on the way forward. I was so close to leaving today but I've got the kids to think about. I'm sat in my room with my head in a spin. But I've got to keep it together and I have a zoom appointment tomorrow with my nhs gambling harm worker. So I'll have someone who I trust to talk to. Things are just hard at the moment but the only way is up and I've got to hold on to that. I really hate gambling and what the addiction has allowed me to do, I would never go out and spend  £1000 out the bank. Never mind nearly  £8000 that's taken money and food out of reach off my kids through me being selfish because no matter how you play it I choose to gamble and leave my family with nothing. People say it's not your fault well who's fault is it, it's down to me and I've got to get on top off this and try and sort it out. 

Hi @kevthekev thank you for the reply day 7 today and although I'm struggling big time I'm taking a lot of comfort from the community on here and I'm still hoping for a better brighter future. Hoping things are improving for you and your family