Do I really want to stop?

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Hi it's early days for me being gf, 29 but already I feel so much better. I never gambled until late in life and did it for several years, so what have I learnt being as I was a mature, intelligent adult when this awful addiction gripped me, well people who make a living out of gambling must be few and far between, from my studies into th gambling industry and the way it works the only winners are the owners, those machines are programmed to make you think it will pay out because of the amount of near miss spins in throws out, e.g. Last reel missing so that you would think the five jackpot symbols are on there way. Counselling will only help if you are honest and disclose everything, they are not there to give you the answers but to assist in identifying any issues you have or things that happened in your past that you need closure on. Best wishes in your journey to recovery x

Thank you all for your responses.

I am fortunate enough to have a very open relationship with my partner and she does know the extent to which I gamble.

But yes I am fairly sure that I am kidding myself thinking that I might be able to pay for a bigger house through winnings.

I went to counselling mainly for tips on how to deal with urges and to try and find out how to deal with the feelings that I won't be able to achieve the goals I want without winning big.

I like the idea of a side business and would love to work at this I just need a decent idea.

Thank you all again for your thoughts.

Hi Youbad, get along to a local GA (Gamblers Anonymous) meeting. You will get all the advice and support you need.

As for not being sure if you want to stop or not ask yourself this - Has gambling made my life better or worse? If it's the latter then logic would tell you not to continue down that path. As for giving up you dreams read the following excert I read this morning:

What is the Dream World of the Compulsive Gambler?

This is another common characteristic of compulsive gamblers. A lot of time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win. They often see themselves as quite philanthropic and charming people. They may dream of providing families and friends with new cars, mink coats, and other luxuries. Compulsive gamblers picture themselves leading a pleasant gracious life, made possible by the huge sums of money they will accrue from their 'system'. Servants, penthouses, nice clothes, charming friends, yachts, and world tours are a few of the wonderful things that are just around the corner after a big win is finally made.

Pathetically, however, there never seems to be a big enough winning to make even the smallest dream come true. When compulsive gamblers succeed, they gamble to dream still greater dreams. When failing, they gamble in reckless desperation and the depths of their misery are fathomless as their dream world comes crashing down. Sadly, they will struggle back, dream more dreams, and of course suffer more misery. No one can convince them that their great schemes will not someday come true. They believe they will, for without this dream world, life for them would not be tolerable.

All the best

Thank you Sam Crow.

It's a good quote and leaves a lot to think about.

Hi youbad

The interesting thing to me is this quote

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ "The thing I struggle most with is wanting to be able to buy a house big enough for my family and my partners children and working out how this can happen without gambling?"

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

This really is how gamblers think and its very dangerous. It is a dream world of self delusion Most gamblers lose and they keep losing.The industry isnt set up to provide the "punters" with big houses

People have to work to make a living and it can be a hard slog. Thats reality! I dont like that and have been a dreamer myself but I now realise that gambling isnt the answer to any of my problems or dreams

I see this alot on the forum when people think the are gambling at a higher level so the rewards will be great. What dream? Some people could play the lottery for a hundred lifetimes and never win anything that makes a difference. Its the same with other forms of gambling which are more likely to ruin many people with addictions.

Its not a James Bond film and there is something very sad in watching people spread betting on roulette in a late night casino. The desperation and tension in the air is obvious.

I really hope you will sit down again with your partner and discuss things honestly. Do the exercise of trying to explain the amount of money you have been gambling and the pain its caused. Only you know if you are ready to stop. Only you know how it has affected your life.

You must stop and I think you know that.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Joydivider wrote:

Hi youbad

The interesting thing to me is this quote

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ "The thing I struggle most with is wanting to be able to buy a house big enough for my family and my partners children and working out how this can happen without gambling?"

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

This really is how gamblers think and its very dangerous. It is a dream world of self delusion Most gamblers lose and they keep losing.The industry isnt set up to provide the "punters" with big houses

People have to work to make a living and it can be a hard slog. Thats reality! I dont like that and have been a dreamer myself but I now realise that gambling isnt the answer to any of my problems or dreams

I see this alot on the forum when people think the are gambling at a higher level so the rewards will be great. What dream? Some people could play the lottery for a hundred lifetimes and never win anything that makes a difference. Its the same with other forms of gambling which are more likely to ruin many people with addictions.

Its not a James Bond film and there is something very sad in watching people spread betting on roulette in a late night casino. The desperation and tension in the air is obvious.

I really hope you will sit down again with your partner and discuss things honestly. Do the exercise of trying to explain the amount of money you have been gambling and the pain its caused. Only you know if you are ready to stop. Only you know how it has affected your life.

You must stop and I think you know that.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This is so very true

Thank you for the comments.

I appreciate the time taken and have been given it all a lot more thought.

I am confident that you are right and that I need to stop so now it's just a case of giving that a go and not trying to beat myself up too much when/if I slip up.

I have tried to stop before but never manage very long but I'm hopeful that this website might be a good resource for me to help me make a real change.

Hi

You ask if you really want to stop.

Don't wait for some overwhelming sense of clarity on this. You might be waiting a long time (and waiting for a eureka moment is in fact an excuse to keep gambling, cunningly disguised)

It should clear from your losses, what everyone on here and your partner is saying, that now's the time to stop. We're not all part of some secret conspiracy. Trying to trick you.

Once you stop and stay stopped, you will develop certainty and clarity - and probably bemusement that you ever questioned not stopping.

Best

Louis