Do it for the right reasons

I'm writing this to try and urge anyone who has the same problem as me, to make sure you stop for the right reasons.

To tell you a little about myself and my problem. I was 15 when I first stared gambling wasting all my Saturday job wage normally as soon as I got it. As I got older the problem got worse, the gambling become more and higher stakes. The summary of it by time I was 27 I had 40 grand worth of loans and still gambling. Over the years I had lied, stolen and deceived my family over and over. If I didn't have such a brilliant family they would of quiet rightly turned there back on me a long time ago.

My turning point was some terrible family news. My step father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. This is a man who only weeks early had been driving through at 11pm to bring me money to work, as I had gambled away works money.

The day he got diagnosed I promised myself and made a deal with god (even tho I'm not religious more desperate at the time) that everyday he was still here, I wouldn't gamble.

Well it's 7months on my step father is doing brilliantly and I haven't gambled a penny. Yes it's been hard, a feel of guilt for having the urges when his life was at stake, constant battles fighting with myself not to do it but I haven't give in.

You would of thought that this would of made me happy but because of the reason why I have stopped it makes me feel more guilty. I feel more selfish because it's something as drastic as this that made me realise, seeing the things my step father has been through last 7months makes me feel pathetic for saying I had a illness. It's made me realise that I didn't do enough before to stop! I never did the meetings, hypnotherapy and only occasionally used this site.

Stopping gambling has changed my life greatly, obliviously the finances are better then ever but it's the little things like been trusted, not seeing a look of fear on my mothers face when I walk in cos she is terrified of what I'm going to say, but because of what has made me stop I feel guilty to enjoy them. So anybody that is reading this please do everything you can, get as much as help as possible, I know it isn't easy but don't leave it like me until something so terrible to happen to make you change and you can't enjoy the rewards.

Good luck folks