Early days, cold turkey, thoughts/feelings

Hey John every day that passes heals your mind a little . Thoughts are just thoughts leave them that way. Intrusive thoughts are exactly what it suggests intrusive unwelcome it's almost like your own mind is trying to trick you . So when I get intrusive thoughts I try distract myself your brain will quickly wander somewhere else. You are doing well John keep going I know it's hard but as days tick over into weeks one day you will suddenly realise you haven't thought about gambling ..few hours..half a day..whole day.......

Thanks both, Kev, Charlie

I am making slow progress I can tell, and feel. Everyday somehow seems a little different.

I already know I will never return to my old habits, not ever. How I feel about longer term 'urges' and thoughts are still trickier right now, and I feel will take a lot longer for me to sort and come to terms with. But, I will let that happen in time, as you suggest.

All the best to you too today.

Unlucky 13 - just realised my tally was currently at 13 days without gambling.

I should say reason I say unlucky is I'm experiencing something of a downturn. Emotionally and other situation issues.

I decided to talk again to my wife about the situation and how I'm feeling, but probably said a few wrong things. I told her that while I'm certain I don't currently want to bet, I would potentially at some point feel like it again, at a vastly reduced way of ever betting. I'm happy to ban my online betting, but old habits and thoughts about returning to my 'hobby' of weekend, much smaller, betting (something I did for lengthy periods without any problem), are insistent. 

As you can probably guess that didn't go down well and I'm now back in something of a doghouse for even mentioning it.

I can understand why of course. I've been chasing huge debts with stupid money for so long, my betting (opened up for her to see) is horrendous. My only defence is that I no longer feel I'm chasing anything, and I feel I'll still only ever want to return to recreational betting in future - I would never need to chase my betting, and would even be happy to show her all my activity (she refused that aspect of observing my activity too).

I realise I've probably tried to think, and speak, about all of this way too soon. I felt getting past a week completely cold-turkey was enough to start considering my future. My main aim remains to solve all my finances and never again use credit, or chase debts. But, I'm still not totally happy that I will never enjoy a smaller bet in my life again. It was my hobby for decades when I  simply enjoyed it - only credit cards ruined that for me, as I used credit and then ended up trying to delete it again.

Sorry for the ramble, but just wanted to get all that off my chest, as I'm sad I've taken a backward step so soon.

Mac.

Hi and welcome,

Your mind is trying to convince you that you can turn from a compulsive gambler into a controlled gambler. In essence the little green gambling monster is trying to feed itself.

I cant recall (although I maybe wrong) anyone managing to control a gambling addiction again.

Would you trust an alcoholic to go and have a few "safe" pints on a friday / saturday. 

Best

I do agree with that in part, I must admit. Though I'm not actually talking about taking up a betting hobby now - I'm talking months or years down the line. So, it's not so much an urge to continue my gambling right now, rather a loss of a future time that includes it as a hobby. I've loved the idea even when paying off debts, that one day I'd get them all out of the way and return to what I used to do. I do realise that makes me sound like I'm mad. But I also honestly believe all desire to ever bet in a serious way (or large way) has left me - I have zero motivation for that, I don't care about winning (or of course losing) large money amounts ever again. I do somewhat care however that a lifetime's pastime has gone for me.

Thanks for your thoughts though and I will continue to reflect over the coming weeks and months (without betting).