Feeling so low but I'm alive

Gary, you ok ? Paul

Hi Paul, sorry mate. How are you? Are u keeping strong.

ive got my daughters tonight. Feeling really low they are all so happy especially my youngest and talking about Xmas. I'm dreading it, just feel like I've ruined things. I've enquiries about a bedsit today. Just said goodnight to my youngest and felt like crying. If I do this bedsit move then I won't be able to have then stay. Looking at 18 months plus really to get on my feet as I could save well in this time. Just don't know how it's going to work with them and my ex. It would change all access I have with them.

Definately don't want to gamble again so think I have no choice. As they say you've made your bed .....

Gary

Hi gary, i can understand your desire to save and repair the damage caused to savings, it is a really strong urge with me. I will start my story for you and finish over the forthcoming week. I have worked all my life 16 - 57, except for holidays. From an early age I always had a strong urge to save. I met my ex-wife at school and she was the one for me at first sight. We married very young with a wonderful child on the way in 1977/78. We worked hard and always gave our first and then second child the best we could. By the time we reached our forties the kids were on their way and sadly so was our marriage (i don't think i have ever recovered). Our finances were in a far better state than our relationship (house paid) my wife was earning a super salary, I had moved from an office job and bought my own business.At the time she walked out because i was never there (always working) we had amassed £K280 and no mortgage. The divorce was bitter, but the split of funds was fare. I ended up with a mortgage free house and around £K100. I became ill and the business had to go. I got a low paid job in a small industrialised northern town. But i was ok no money worries, healthy family, a few girlfriends here and there.

In 2007 i met an amazing woman, we had very similar interests, and fell in love pretty quickly. They say you are re-born when you find the right person second time around I was. Both loving football in 2008/9 we walked into the local bookies to pick the coupon up, in the corner there's a machine with flashing lights and a roulette wheel going round, in goes £2 out comes £5 wow paid for the footy bet ............................................................................................................. type more tomorrow need some sleep now.

Hi gary, i can understand your desire to save and repair the damage caused to savings, it is a really strong urge with me. I will start my story for you and finish over the forthcoming week. I have worked all my life 16 - 57, except for holidays. From an early age I always had a strong urge to save. I met my ex-wife at school and she was the one for me at first sight. We married very young with a wonderful child on the way in 1977/78. We worked hard and always gave our first and then second child the best we could. By the time we reached our forties the kids were on their way and sadly so was our marriage (i don't think i have ever recovered). Our finances were in a far better state than our relationship (house paid) my wife was earning a super salary, I had moved from an office job and bought my own business.At the time she walked out because i was never there (always working) we had amassed £K280 and no mortgage. The divorce was bitter, but the split of funds was fare. I ended up with a mortgage free house and around £K100. I became ill and the business had to go. I got a low paid job in a small industrialised northern town. But i was ok no money worries, healthy family, a few girlfriends here and there.

In 2007 i met an amazing woman, we had very similar interests, and fell in love pretty quickly. They say you are re-born when you find the right person second time around I was. Both loving football in 2008/9 we walked into the local bookies to pick the coupon up, in the corner there's a machine with flashing lights and a roulette wheel going round, in goes £2 out comes £5 wow paid for the footy bet ............................................................................................................. type more tomorrow need some sleep now.

Hi gary, i can understand your desire to save and repair the damage caused to savings, it is a really strong urge with me. I will start my story for you and finish over the forthcoming week. I have worked all my life 16 - 57, except for holidays. From an early age I always had a strong urge to save. I met my ex-wife at school and she was the one for me at first sight. We married very young with a wonderful child on the way in 1977/78. We worked hard and always gave our first and then second child the best we could. By the time we reached our forties the kids were on their way and sadly so was our marriage (i don't think i have ever recovered). Our finances were in a far better state than our relationship (house paid) my wife was earning a super salary, I had moved from an office job and bought my own business.At the time she walked out because i was never there (always working) we had amassed £K280 and no mortgage. The divorce was bitter, but the split of funds was fare. I ended up with a mortgage free house and around £K100. I became ill and the business had to go. I got a low paid job in a small industrialised northern town. But i was ok no money worries, healthy family, a few girlfriends here and there.

In 2007 i met an amazing woman, we had very similar interests, and fell in love pretty quickly. They say you are re-born when you find the right person second time around I was. Both loving football in 2008/9 we walked into the local bookies to pick the coupon up, in the corner there's a machine with flashing lights and a roulette wheel going round, in goes £2 out comes £5 wow paid for the footy bet ............................................................................................................. type more tomorrow need some sleep now.

Hi gary, i can understand your desire to save and repair the damage caused to savings, it is a really strong urge with me. I will start my story for you and finish over the forthcoming week. I have worked all my life 16 - 57, except for holidays. From an early age I always had a strong urge to save. I met my ex-wife at school and she was the one for me at first sight. We married very young with a wonderful child on the way in 1977/78. We worked hard and always gave our first and then second child the best we could. By the time we reached our forties the kids were on their way and sadly so was our marriage (i don't think i have ever recovered). Our finances were in a far better state than our relationship (house paid) my wife was earning a super salary, I had moved from an office job and bought my own business.At the time she walked out because i was never there (always working) we had amassed £K280 and no mortgage. The divorce was bitter, but the split of funds was fare. I ended up with a mortgage free house and around £K100. I became ill and the business had to go. I got a low paid job in a small industrialised northern town. But i was ok no money worries, healthy family, a few girlfriends here and there.

In 2007 i met an amazing woman, we had very similar interests, and fell in love pretty quickly. They say you are re-born when you find the right person second time around I was. Both loving football in 2008/9 we walked into the local bookies to pick the coupon up, in the corner there's a machine with flashing lights and a roulette wheel going round, in goes £2 out comes £5 wow paid for the footy bet ............................................................................................................. type more tomorrow need some sleep now.

Hi gary, i can understand your desire to save and repair the damage caused to savings, it is a really strong urge with me. I will start my story for you and finish over the forthcoming week. I have worked all my life 16 - 57, except for holidays. From an early age I always had a strong urge to save. I met my ex-wife at school and she was the one for me at first sight. We married very young with a wonderful child on the way in 1977/78. We worked hard and always gave our first and then second child the best we could. By the time we reached our forties the kids were on their way and sadly so was our marriage (i don't think i have ever recovered). Our finances were in a far better state than our relationship (house paid) my wife was earning a super salary, I had moved from an office job and bought my own business.At the time she walked out because i was never there (always working) we had amassed £K280 and no mortgage. The divorce was bitter, but the split of funds was fare. I ended up with a mortgage free house and around £K100. I became ill and the business had to go. I got a low paid job in a small industrialised northern town. But i was ok no money worries, healthy family, a few girlfriends here and there.

In 2007 i met an amazing woman, we had very similar interests, and fell in love pretty quickly. They say you are re-born when you find the right person second time around I was. Both loving football in 2008/9 we walked into the local bookies to pick the coupon up, in the corner there's a machine with flashing lights and a roulette wheel going round, in goes £2 out comes £5 wow paid for the footy bet ............................................................................................................. type more tomorrow need some sleep now.

Thanks Paul looking forward to reading some more mate.......

Another day along the road for us. Let's help each other along.

Cheers for now

Hi Gary, hope your day been ok, if i dont post tonight its cause i am so tired, think the stress of the losses are getting to me mentally, if I can put the words together i will post late tonight, if not tomorrow day - Paul. STAY GAMBLE FREE.

Hi everyone,

I just joined the site. I don't even have to start to describe what I am going through as I know you all will share my feelings and fears. But yes, I am one of those who are in complete financial destitute and who have unfortunately taken out a lot of debt to fund my gambling addiction.

My biggest question / concern is : What are the Regulators, the Commissioners, the Operators doing to detect and address compulsive gambling. I am sure that all of us have reflected sure and clear signs of compulsive gambling. Did the casino ever approached you to help you with this problem or did they feed on your addiction. This must really stop! If there were proper measures, Rules and Regulations in place to promote responsible gamling - none of us would have been in this situation. I would love to hear everyone's comments on this.

Hi Paul,

keep your head up mate. Hope your evenings been ok and you can be positive for not gambling today.

Its really hard my heads been all over the place today. Thinking about the losses like you and also my recovery plan. Gone from thoughts of finishing with my g/friend to the bedsit move etc. I'm struggling to let go of what I've got and maybe we just have to let time heal us.

i 100% agree on staying gamble free and each day is a small victory.

Look after yourself Paul and try not to be too hard on yourself .

Speak tomorrow

Gary

Hi Gary, thank-you for your support. I have now been gamble free for 16 days, right now its not the staying gamble free that is the issue, its all the after effects. The irrepearable damage to one's finances that really hurts, always been a saver, now just a loser.Unfortunatley i do not have a good salary, maximum savings a year going forward only £K4, thats three years to repair two hours damage, without the boiler going down and also my car needs replacing. Also I reckon its fish fingers and mash most nights to balance my future budget. Thats whats tough to take. I am having my first proper counselling tonight at 5.30, lets hope she can start to get my mind foucused on going forward. Its gonna be tough, catch u later mate.

Hey Paul

how did the counselling go mate? Hope it was good to talk things through. I think your right that your thoughts come off the non-gambling and your start to dwell on the negative and all the losses. I think we will get through this, I've been struggling a bit with this. In 12 months time things will start to look better. One day at a time.

Have a good day Paul it will soon be the weekend and you can see your girlfriend : )

Gary

Hi Gary, the counsellor is a nice person and the session went well (going to be attending for at least 12 weeks). She did explain why i felt so bad, 'grieving' for the loss of all the funds with the re-alisation that the monies are never coming back is why i feel so awful. I am coming 'down' off an addication, and as in any 'recovery' if you take away the 'cigarette-alcohol-drug-roulette wheel' you are going to feel awful. So at least I understand why i feel so awful, doesn't make the unhappiness go away though. How are you ? Are you going for the bedsit ? Seeing the girls tonight or later over the week-end ? Catch u later mate.

Hi Paul,

sorry had a busy day. Went over to see my g/friend tonite she's not well think she's got the flu.

So I'm back at mine now. Got my girls over tomorrow night for the weekend. Starting to look forward to it. I've really been thinking a lot the last few days and weighing up all my options as u know. It really hit me yesterday how important they are too me and I love them too much to move into a bedsit. Don't think I could cope if they didn't stay over with me.

So it's gonna take me longer to save but so be it. I have to pay a price for what I've done. Trying to keep looking forward.

hope your feeling okay Paul, we've done a few days now.

gary