I'm actually devasted. I was 2 days away from the 150 days gamble free milestone and then just like that, back to day 1.
I "forgave" the gambling demon for all the pain it had caused me because i "forgot" what the pain felt like.
I actually walked out of this relapse by winning some money and not losing. I'm not seeing this is a free pass or a good thing. Mark my words, Im generally so upset, gutted, frustrated and angry that i have gambled after going so long.
I used some money out of a newish bank account i opened for my "savings" which all happened because without gambling i had money to save. For some reason i trusted myself with the card because i was never tempted. I actually felt this coming to be honest but thought my new look on a gamble free life would help me. Recently i have started stressing over money because the fiancee has been going on about getting a mortgage. Me and my friends are doing one last "lads holiday" and i have started over spending a little on doing other things. I could easily do all this without putting myself in financial harship by just cutting back on other spending for the 2 months but for some reason i aloud gambling to go "hey i know its been a while, but i could help you get more money". That's exactly what happened.
I will appreciate everyones support on here and i will bounce back from this. Try and start again, learn the lessons and put stronger blocks up. I just cant believe im back at day 1. I will be telling the fiancee exactly what has happened. She will also be getting that card when i see her tommorow.
I know i have to address the issues what caused this relapse. Again im not happy that i even won some money. My main concern is making sure this doesn't happen again.
The main thing is "I WANT TO STOP GAMBLING". My eye is still on the prize of a gamble free life. I'll try not to beat myself up too much and start the clock again, even if it is almost soul destroying to me.
Thanks for reading guys.
Hi embracing. Well done on 148 days. That’s quite an achievement and I know exactly how the gambling demon begins to disspaear after this time. I was on about 180days and gave in and in the same position as you, I won and felt remorse for what I had done. Make sure to tell your other half tomorrow and let her control that account for you please. I kept mine a secret but it allowed the gambling bug to take over and well you know what happens after that. I really hope this was just a slip and you can correct this and continue your great success. If it carries on, we both know it will end not the way we wish. Good luck my friend
Try not to beat yourself up to much - this will only fuel your negative feelings and frustration which could potentially self destruct in to more gambling - we are are our own worst enemies. U say u felt it coming for a while - maybe u were feeling stressed for some reason or the pressure of meeting the milestone or continuing the milestones was just overwhelming - whatever the reason - focus on the positives of what you learnt from all those gamble free days and feel good that the more times you give up you learn something new about how to give up for good
In the same boat as after 338 days gambling free I let my guard day. Been ill in bed, bored so thought I would kill some time...big mistake. Chased losses and ended up losing £5k in 1 day. All money from savings, as have been making great progress with my debt. So glad I haven't increased my debt at all. Now excluded myself and like Rednow said focus on the positive gambling free days. Its very easy at this point to focus on the lost money and the frustration of feeling stupid. I "forgot" that I cannot except a loss and always chase. But I am going to choose to think about the positives and focus on what I can control and acheive moving forward. A painful reminder and I am now more determined than ever to make it to one year gambling free. I also plan to be debt free at this time next year to make it a double celebration!
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