Yep, its me again... A few weeks ago one night I was exhausted from work and had other complications going on so I turned to the wine with the intention of relaxing and going to sleep - a slow speed laid back evening with me, the telly and youtube. While on youtube I was being recommended all sorts of gambling videos - people at the bookies playing fobts etc. And I remember thinking "mate you've put 260 into that fobt now... Do you really think its going to pay your "lucky number!?" And it did... Despite the 'investment', the return was almost double. I thought that was so stupid and lucky, but didn't think about doing it myself as I have blocking software on my laptop and no bookies in my village (there are a few in a local town but I couldn't drive as I was drinking). I had a twig moment where I remember I have a broken laptop (keyboard broke) and a keyboard downstairs so I went and got it and started up my other laptop. I deposited about 80 into a new ********* account and ended up withdrawing 100, and that was that. I didn't feel the scare or consequences. A few nights later I did the same with 100 deposited - was down to 20 pounds on roulette (always my game) but made it back up to 160 on an incredibly lucky spin. I withdrew and felt the scare this time. However the other night I had way too much to drink. I put 60 into this account. Lost it in about 30 mins. I did the same and managed to get even, but thought 1 more and I'll take whatever. I lost it all. So 120 down that I couldn't affor I was in a panic. I clicked 100 deposit - put it all on one spin - the one number out of 36 other profitable outcomes.... Came in. I was in a blind panic, I coiuld not pay for every comittment!! I remember crying and looking for payday loans but fortunately I didn't take one out. I did the worst thing though - after calming down, mr logical said to me that if you deposit 200 (my entire balance) you'll win in back. And so I did. Threw the lot on 2 columns. Came in, again, came in. And again. Now I was up to 420... Exactly even. Did I stop? No. I carried on. Long story short I ended up making 1027 pounds, betting around 90 per spin. I took 900. And did not cancel the withdrawal. It went into my account yday, I paid off my credit card, paid some of my store card and was back on track with 480 extra in my account. Topped up savings etc. The point is, that scare I felt that night has stuck with me. It literally shakes me up whenever I think about it. What if I'd have lost that 200 as well!! Chasing just 60, I deposited 420 in total... Fallacy. Guess I'm here for good now - this is a delicate balance - I came way too close. Now it stops.
Jimmy, it's a happy ending at least and i'm glad that you avoided disaster in the short term, but we both know why you are on here, and deep down you understand the ease that you managed to slip back needs to be managed and avoided again.
You get blocking software put on that 2nd laptop, and you tell yourself no more, never again.
In the early days, time on your hands, plus alcohol is a recipe for disaster, as is watching anything to do with gambling, seripously dont put extra pressure on yourself.
Fine, enjoy the wine, but stick to watching music, old comedy, films, sports clips etc on youtube.
Please dont think im judging you, in the past when ive tried to give up, when i was only 50% commited it would always be after drinking when i relapsed. Being rational doesnt come easy once your mind has been relaxed to that extent.
I wish you all the very best
It is only happy in terms of money - the very thing that doesn't seem to matter to me enough. I'm trying to save aggressively, live frugally but I just can't seem to do it - it is all about willpower and I don't seem to have enough of it at this point. I have let myself down. I keep thinking about the other night but don get me wrong, NOT about the win. I feel the loss believe it or not. The win doesn't even matter to me - my actionsd prior do. I have been visiting bookies recently to do football bets and only ever do 5 pounds on 10 scores (10 x 50p). I am disciplined when the money is in my hands but not online. The willpower will develop now - got no choice. I am smashing up that laptop. Let's see how this goes.
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