I need help and want to change and break this habit forever

Hi the best advice is to hand over finance to your partner. Remove temptation. Then go to GA if you want to, call gamcare, get debt advice. Be honest, realise this is forever. Good luck!

I have given my card to my fiancee and have also spoken to my boss and requested my wages be paid to her for the forseable future. I can't live like this anymore and be a compulsive liar with this problem, i love her and my family far too much to lose them over this.

Hi matty, good for you. You cannot do this alone. Call gamcare for help, advice and counselling. Go to a GA meeting. Also get some support for your gf, she needs to learn how to live with a cg. Good luck!

Hi Matt,

First of all, well done for coming clean. It can be hard not to spin more and more lies as you try to avoid dealing with reality but you've done the right thing and there's still time to make amends for what you've done.

The lies are normally the hardest thing for your partner (or anyones) to forgive as money problems can usually be dealt with or you can start putting together some kind of plan to re-pay what you owe.

100% honesty is hard but it's definitely a good starting point if you want to move forward with your fiance and hopefully fix things with your family. If your family can get some kind of understanding on why/how addiction can get hold of somebody they might be willing to start again but it's not going to be easy.. Trust is a hard thing to win back.

Put blockers and barriers in place and be honest to the people close to you. You won't regret it!

Good luck!!

Hi Matty, welcome to the forum 🙂

Good skills on handing over your finances & as already suggested GA is your best chance @ getting your life back on track. GamCare offer a free counselling service for you & the people you have hurt with this, and GamAnon groups will also provide them real life support.

For us, controlled gambling is an illusion, the only control we really have is to say "No" & make it as hard as we possibly can to gamble when we're actually thinking "Yes". There are multi operator phone exclusion lines (MOSES & SENSE) for bookies & casinos as well as blocking software (K9 is free but there are lots of types & your internet provider can also help with this).

You can't bottle this feeling you have @ the minute & you won't always stop & think about what you are risking so breaking your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove 1 & you cannot gamble) triangle is vital in these early days!

Time to leave gambling in your past - ODAAT

Really appreciating these responses, my fiancee and i are working on things together and my family are offering me plenty of support. I have a meeting in Ipswich on Wednesday morning which my mum and fiancee have managed to switch shifts to come with me for moral support. I would really appreciate more input and advice from u all or even your stories on here. Thanks guys.

What sort of meeting is it Matty? If it's a GA one, you may need to check that they will allow your loved ones in as non gamblers are only usually invited to open meetings.

Looks like you have your family well on side so make sure you come clean about everything, maybe even send off for your credit reports to make sure you haven't missed anything. Finding out about forgotten debt down the line is hard to deal with for everyone concerned.

You may also find it useful to log into the GamCare chat room later (there are 2 x 1 hour slots tonight @ 1900 & 2100 hours)...People @ all different stages of recovery use it & the rooms is moderated so shouldn't go too off topic. It's not for everyone but it's something pro-active here & now that may suit you.

We're not bad people but we do stupid things whilst in action, living in a fairytale world of riches making our lives beautiful when reality is most of us have pretty decent lives, we just can't see what we have through the gambling fog. This is a fresh chance for you, take it with both hands & figure out how to like you for who you are, not for the person addiction tells you you are.

ODAAT
The meeting is a consultation at a recovery centre where i shall tell them my story and they are going to advise me and then see what care they can possibly provide for me. My fiancee and mum are coming for the journey to support me and be there for when i come out from my appointment they want to be by my side which i am really greatful for.
I have opened up about my problem, how long i have been struggling, money i owe to my fiancee and any outstanding moneys i owe from past expenses. I feel a weight has been lifted but i also know this is merely the beginning of a very long road. I don't want to hide behind the mask of this anymore i have also opened up to all my work colleagues today and told them exactly what i have done they were all terrific. It's good to know that as low and useless as i feel and ashamed of the habit, that i have some truly amazing people in my life to support me and help me through this. I have been told that I am some rather unpleasant names which i won't post on here but i amsure you can imagine, it does make me cross when people pass judgement as if they r faultless in life. All i want to do is be rid of this addiction once and for all and be the real man that my fiancee fell in love with cos she doesn't deserve the liar and deceiver i have become through this.

Moral support sounds just perfect & do give them everything, maybe even have a think about writing stuff down beforehand in case emotion gets the better of you.

You are taking giant recovery leaps @ the moment & yep, some people are very judgemental but then I'd always rather point out someone else's flaws than address my own.

Sadly, there's no ridding ourselves of this but we can control it & for me, certainly, be better people than we may have been without it, we can certainly appreciate things a lot more once the fog starts to clear.

ODAAT
Really like what you are saying how long did u struggle with the addiction for? My problem has stretched across a course of 14 years. I went through a spell when i was coping without it but as my story says 4 months ago i started again so saying i recovered isn't true. I realise that it isn't something we can be rid of and yes it is going to come down to making right choice, I just want the help I need to be strong of will to make the right choices at all times. My fiancee has really stood by me even when her parents have said to give up on me and leave me she is standing by me I really will not be letting her down on this.

I gambled for about 30 years & was a 'problem gambler' from the off spending every last penny in the seaside arcades & insisting my Aunt "just spend another pound" when she took me to the 'Amusement' (they should be done for false advertising) shop! Even when I 1st came here & recognised I could never touch a machine again (that terrified me I can tell you), I was still deluded enough to think I would carry on with the lottery like any 'normal' human being.

I don't know why I gambled but I'm guessing for you to say you coped without it for a while means you have @ least half an idea. It is an emotional crutch for many & I know that when my mum is in action (also a CG) she loves the numbness that it brings.

I'm heavily biased (pro GA) because of what I've seen & read in the 3 years since I finally hung up my boxing gloves & admitted that gambling had me beat & came looking for help, recovery needs longievity & 12 counselling sessions or a stint in rehab is nothing more than a great start.

Your being open & honest with those around you & accepting you need help with your will is so important & will help prevent any future false starts that people who arrive here, adamant that willpower will see them right, have. No-one has a gun to our heads when we gamble, I'm never going to fall through the door of a bookies with a pound in my hand & get all the way to the machine slot, ergo, I don't need to gamble again! I spent way too long thinking & planning how I could get myself out of the mess gambling had caused by gambling (dur) only to get deeper into it that I too am prepared to do whatever it takes (not the Bushtucker trial though) to keep away.

I'm a better person now than I was when I 1st came here for sure but I have a very long, very uphill struggle to deal with the damage that the 3 decades of destruction has caused & I will never get to make amends to the one person that meant everything to me growing up, nor the others that kept a roof over my head whilst I urinated all my wages up the wall!

Don't be the mug I was Matty Lane, give recovery your whole & never mind your loved ones, don't let yourself down. You may not realise it yet but you matter...There's a reason why people stick by us, they see the stuff that we can't see for ourselves! Finding out who you are & what you can be lies ahead so buckle up & enjoy the ride, we don't call it a rollercoaster for nothing!

I know i have made the right start on all of this but am frightened of falling in a way, I am talking to my fiancee and my family about all of this what i researching help wise, where i am, what money i have on me and even kept receipt for my fuel today. I know Becca loves me and is standing by my side but each time i so much as look at her i feel like i gonna burst into tears because of what i have done n how i have hurt her. I feel stupid being scared of temptation and it's as if feeling that way means i have lost already with this battle, I just want to know that Becca truly believes in me as hurt and as worried as she is.

You have to earn that trust & that's what the steps you are taking will show. What she thinks & feels is out of your control & it's your low self esteem that's asking for more when she's already giving you everything you need...She's standing by you & supporting you. Start with figuring out how to truly believe in yourself...That makes it easier for people around you to follow your lead. You won't undo the damage over night but you can get gambling locked down in a mental box.

We're compulsive gamblers Matty, have been for years & the urges & even impulses won't disappear overnight if @ all ever. Being scared of them isn't a bad thing because it means you are on your guard, it's when this current pain starts to feel like a thing of the past & your brain starts telling you you can control it, well that's a whole different ball game.

No point fearing failure because then you're setting yourself up to do so...Addiction loves dishing out a good helping of "I told you so" & you've been self harming long enough.

Your emotions being all over the place right now is no surprise, you'll be amazed @ how much more you see & feel when you stop gambling, unfortunately it's the bad stuff too & that's what rehab/counselling/GA help you to process.

Sorry this feels like a bit of a private thread, the site is a bit quiet @ the minute with only a handful of people leaving footprints. Maybe if you feel up to it, drop a few words or ask questions on the diaries or threads that you read...Helps people know they're not alone & gives them strength to wander about doing the same. This is a safe place to come when you start feeling twitchy & now is a great time to pick up a new hobby because you're going to have time to fill as you start living again - ODAAT

it takes a lot to finally come clean with family ,so well done for doing so ,like you even after not gambling for a year i still feel physically sick at the amount of money i have wasted over the last 30 years ,the final straw for myself was being left some money in my fathers will and blowing it in a couple of days on fobts, luckily the vast amount of his estate was not in cash so i did not blow it ,you seem to have the support of those close to you which is amazing ,likewise i am the same ..i have given full control of all my money to my wife and i now have an a card in her name from barclays for day to day needs ..the maximum amount of cash i can withdraw is £20 daily ( but i rarely carry cash anymore).. she puts money in as when i need it but there is never more than £50 in it ..dont get me wrong it is very hard being treated like a juvenile but its got to be that way.

you will also need to find something to keep you occupied we got a dog and any spare time i spend walking him,

It will take a long time for those close to you to forgive you but time is a great healer ,it sounds like you have a great fiance so if i was you i would do anything to keep her .. well done on finally coming clean and good luck