I have no idea what's going on with me. I've had depression in the past, so I know what his feeling is. The heavy pain in the chest that follows me, the despair and irritability and just the all consuming miserable sadness. Now I've only been feeling this way for the last about 5 days and obv that that isn't enough to warrent clinical depression as yet but each day I'm feeling worse and worse.
My life is no worse than 6 days ago. Don't get me wrong I'm not happy with my life but there's really nothing new to be this miserable about. I've wondered if it was extreme pms or because something happened at work that made me lose some commission or that myself and my partner haven't had s*x for awhile. Or this amongst a bunch of other life situational issues, but none of that really warrents feeling this low, nothing has really changed.
I haven't gambled apparently since the 2nd of Feb (out of both choice and no choice as I have no access to any money). The first week I found fairly hard and it occupied most of my thoughts and I did spend the few quid I had left that I really needed to see me through the rest of the month. Then I adapted, made a plan focused on work did some overtime to occupy me and start on helping me get some extra cash to sort out debts.
But since that first week ish I haven't had the nagging urge to gamble. But now I just feel miserable and I'm sick of it. Is it like a withdrawal because I'm not feeding myself dopamine with the gambling high. Or that I was miserable before and just didn't realise because the gambling took over my emotions?
Friday when I was told I lost some of my commission, I went out for a f*g and cried n cried. I'm not a crier like at all really, it takes alot for me to cry n that was so stupid. Every so often at work it happens that if you make a mistake they take commission off you not all just some n this isn't the first time they've done that so it's not like it's a huge shock but I guess I was just gutted as I've got my plan I started doing overtime and I take one step forward and am pushed 2 steps back. Guess it feels like I'm in a mess I'm never going to get out of.
I don't even know what I'm here asking really. I'm just desperate to not feel this low anymore and looking to vent I suppose.
Hello Souffle,
Thanks for sharing this post about how you've been feeling since stopping gambling.
It is good that you're using the forum, and you're also welcome to use our other services like our freephone and netline and the GamCare 1-2-1 appointment services locally or online. You've mentioned that you've experienced depression in the past, so you might like to allow your GP to monitor how you're doing if your low mood persists or becomes more severe.
As you may imagine, people vary in how they experience recovery and their experiences also change at different times in their recovery. Some people find that without the preoccupation of gambling, their feelings may have more opportunity to come to the surface, and they might have moments of sadness, hurt or grief arising. You could use these as opportunities to practice self-care, relating to yourself with compassion and understanding. If your feelings become overwhelming or difficult to tolerate, you could try talking with others for emotional support if you find that helps you to cope, and you could try scheduling some comforting activities if you find that your hurt feelings are dominating too much.
Perhaps some of our forum members will share how they've felt after letting go of gambling, and how their feelings have changed over time. You can read on the forum recovery diaries how some people can have periods in recovery where life feels good for them, which can be a source of hope and inspiration, and a reminder that 'This too shall pass'. Also you can read diaries where people share how they feel challenged by their recovery, but even so there is a part of them that feels it is worthwhile to continue to pursue recovery rather than to return to problem gambling. Whether problem gambling is regarded by members as an addiction with a withdrawal period, or an illness with a healing period, is something you could see discussed in the 'Debates' section of the forum.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hang in there, have a plan, the money is gone, stick to what you can afford in life it’s gonna be tough but I promise it gets easier, I’ve done gambling free before and it really makes you feel better if you tell someone and admit to being silly.i know how massive this is in many lives , the pain, the despair, it’s a hidden disease but only you can stop it, only you.go for it
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