As someone in recovery from a lifetime of gambling—starting in a seaside town at age 11 and now nearly 40—I feel compelled to share my perspective and I believe I'm more than qualified to do so at this point in my life. My experiences span decades of personal struggles, reflection and hard lessons learned. This post comes from a place of care, concern and genuine frustration, but I hope sparks interesting discussions.
What I’ve noticed recently in the gambling recovery space is quite troubling. Too often, conversations and what should be philosophical discussions, whether in GA meetings, support groups, or one-on-one interactions—seem to be dominated by blame, excuses and a refusal to take responsibility. For example , the government, the gambling industry, advertising—it’s always someone else’s fault! While I understand this mindset in the early stages of recovery of even age and gambling experience levels, I’m astounded by how many people, even those with years of gambling behind them, continue to cling to this narrative. It's like we're going backwards with attitudes not forwards and I'm starting to believe that gambling support organisations are integral in validating these mindsets. I'll explain why I think this shortly.
Recovery should be about growth and self-awareness, yet far too many seem stuck in a cycle of finger-pointing and self reflection avoidance. Reflecting on my own journey, I’ve come to believe that accountability is the foundation of real progress. Yes, I know gambling addiction is complex and yes, external factors do play a pivotal role—but the path to recovery surely starts with looking inward, not outward. In all the support groups, one to one interactions and general gambling support discourse, it seems far too geared towards empowerment, validation of personal beliefs about the industry, encouragement to speak out etc, which are fine, but we're losing site of personal responsibility and accountability in the process.
Simply put, I'm finding the general approach to gambling support to be too "soft" and creating more harmful outcomes than help. This is clearly evident in the increasingly high number of people accessing support and going into the relapse part of the cycle of change and never coming out of it 40+ years later! I’ve seen it over and over in meetings and with practitioners—endless validation of excuses, avoiding difficult truthful challenges conversations and sidestepping the tough truths that recovery demands.
I was recently asked to leave a GA session because I took the necessary approach with one individual completely fixated on excuse making and fingerpointing. This person has been gambling significantly longer than me and is a regular with the GA group. When I offered what was definitely constructive criticism after listening to the same nonsense week after week, I was told my approach wasn’t “in the spirit” of the group. I wasn't at all aggressive or challenging, I simply just implied now was a time for more personal reflection and truth's. They took great offence and I was asked to leave. Why has honesty become taboo? Why is tough love, which can be a powerful motivator, dismissed as harsh or judgemental? I'm struggling to understand how it's helpful at all to promote recovery if we're all just in agreement with one another because it spares someone's feelings.
Let me be clear: I’m not advocating for abuse, cruelty or shaming. I'm aware of the complexities around gambling and the volumes of guilt and shame floating around. So why would I want anyone to feel any worse than they already do? But where do you draw the line? Do you just agree with nonsense the blaming just to make the passion feel better in that moment? It's not at all helpful! We’re doing people a disservice by wrapping them in cotton wool and perpetuating the idea that relapse is "inevitable" or that external forces are to blame. Relapse should not be normalised—it should be a wake-up call. I'm not saying anyone who experiences relapse are bad people, but to say it's ok and support it isn't helpful. It's powerful to feel those strong feelings of emotional guilt, shame and regret. Parting someone on the back and saying "it's ok, you did your best" doesn't allow for that personal deep reflection that NEEDS to come after relapse and it seems that the gambling support landscape encourages sentiments of "be kind to yourself" and "it's not the end of the world" etc. If you want true recovery, then you absolutely need to look at it like it is the end of the world if you don't want it to happen again! We need to foster strength, resilience and accountability, not reinforce excuses that keep people stuck.
Recovery is bleeding hard. I know this firsthand. I still think about gambling every day and have come close to relapse more times than I care to admit. But the progress I’ve made has come from confronting uncomfortable truths, self punishment, harsh words and looking inwards. Sometimes I feel like my skin constantly needs scratching it's that bad when I emerging. But I know the only way to get through those dark events are from pure grit and determination, not from being told it’s okay to falter. I believe that any support that avoids these hard truths risks delaying progress, if not derailing it altogether.
I recognise that everyone’s journey is different and some people may need a gentler approach. But at what cost? If we avoid challenging harmful narratives, are we really helping? How can we expect people to grow when they’re shielded from the reality of their actions? I'm approaching this like a true scientist. The scientific method doesn't care for conjecture or ideas, it only seeks the truth and evidence which supports the hypothesis. So why can't we be more truthful, look at the evidence and be more factual in our approach to supporting someone with gambling addiction?
I hope this post sparks a meaningful discussion. I’m open to hearing all perspectives, even if they differ from mine. Let’s keep it respectful, but let’s also be honest—because without honesty, recovery loses its foundation. What are your thoughts?
I'm with you to an extent on this one and do believe a firm hand is needed in some cases. Accountability and ownership is a large part of recovery. Accepting that you have a problem and only you can get out of it is key. I'm sure for many there are external factors that got them into gambling, and I understand childhood issues, relationship issues, and any number of other issues could have played a factor in people turning to gambling. None of these were present for me. I still don't know why I got sucked in. I suppose its because, slot machines (especially online) are designed to be addictive.
I do see some people on here or in the meetings I used to attend who look to blame other things first before accepting that the blame ultimately lies with the individual. We did this. We have to get out of it. Understanding that can be hard. Accepting it, even harder. Our actions once addicted are more complex. Addiction makes us do things most normal people wouldn't. We see this with all addictions, so the blame at this point, whilst still us, is much more difficult to explain. Chemical dependency in the brain. Emotional dependency as an escape. There are many nuances to this.
For me (and I've not experienced this personally), I think some people need to fall of the wagon at some point, and as long as they learn from the experience it can be more beneficial. I've had thoughts about maybe one last time, for old times sake, which I've not acted on. I know it would end terribly. For some though this might be the final confirmation that there is no going back. It might be genuinely needed. Obviously its a risky strategy. A big win at this point could set the whole process back months or years.
I totally see your point. I do think the world has gone a bit soft lately and some people need that tough love. Unfortunately for many that approach would drive them further into despair and could possibly make things worse. Its a minefield! For me, any lapse would feel like the end of the world, and I've spoken to others on here who have lapsed and were genuinely gutted. I know that the people who I've seen this happen to, have come out stronger, more resilient and gutted they had to have that lapse to get to that stage.
Interesting discussion and I hope we see some more comments and thoughts on this.
Stay strong 👍
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