It always feels serious when I come back here

Hi

Thank you for your sharing.

In time I was able to say to myself just for today ONLY I will not gamble.

In time I was able to say to myself just for today ONLY I will exchange my unhealthy habits in to  healthy habits. 

Each time I went back to an unhealthy habit I would ask myself what was my last emotional trigger.

My addictions and obsessions were symptoms that I was escaping in unhealthy ways.

The money was just the fuel for my addictions.

That money was never going to heal my pains.

By staying in the recovery program my obsessive thinking I would stop saying I have to.

In time I would understand my healthy needs wants and goals.

By writing down these things I was being accountable to myself.

Sticking with the recovery program I would give more attention to exchanging my unhealthy habits into healthy habits.

I would learn what my emotional triggers were.

I would understand that my pains were not healed, that my fears were not being faced, that my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

That due to my unreasonable expectations I was hurting myself.

By me reducing my unreasonable expectations I would stop hurting myself.

Every pain in my life caused fears I did not understand.

So, me being in the recovery program I got more dedicated in becoming more and more healthy.

Living in fear was not healthy for me.

Living in fear was disabling my abilities in life.

Please strick with your recovery.

Invest more time and effort in to finding amuch healthier life.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

People only tend to come on here when they are in dire straits and that in essence is part of the problem

In your case you are self medicating with both gambling and alcohol a mixture that never ends well 

Maybe you ask yourself why you keep wanting to go and get blackout drunk

I suspect the answer will be the same reason as to why you keep gambling.....

@givemethebuzz @gadaveuk

Thank you both for your replies. I took a further step yesterday in putting deeper blocks in the way of myself and gambling. This particular casino that has ruined my recovery are always contacting me. Email, phone calls & texts. I don’t know how they have my contact details but let’s be honest I’ve been black out drunk at some point and given them over. Anyway last night I changed my mobile number and my primary email address. It’s been a massive pain in the a**e changing my email address with everyone and my phone number but I know it’s a necessary step that will save me in the long run. As I have been able to go a distance from gambling only for them to contact me with bonuses or sometimes they’ve even contacted me to ask where I’ve been and that they haven’t seen me on the site for a while which I thought was disgusting. I saw my a**e on that call and proper yelled at him told them never to contact me again. Few days later they did call back and I saw my a**e again and said I’ve said to stop this. The person on the phone I recall said “well sir you didn’t tell me personally not to contact you it wasn’t me you spoke to” lol. Besides the point isn’t it. Ideally delete my account innit. But short of that at least have me flagged as someone you don’t contact as it clearly triggers me. 

Anyway new contact details now so onwards and upwards. 

Thanks for reaching out 

C

Hi

The only person I feared facing the most was my self.

Every time we go back to gambling we get to understand more about our emotional triggers.

Love healing and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Hi, I understand sober I would never gamble, drinking triggers something in me that’s reckless and stupid, I am doing well with not gambling I am blocked but once I drink I am trawling the internet trying to find a site I am not blocked from, stupid behaviour but addicts will try anything, it’s not easy but you can start again, good luck 

@cal-j 

Hi

The adrenaline rush was very much fear and risk taking unhealthy habits.

I understand now that just today I do not want or need to gamble.

It was very important to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

The addiction and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

My emotional triggers were my pains that I could not heal.

My emotional triggers were my fears that I could not reduce or face.

My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom because I was nto able to be productive with my time.

Just today I do not want or need to gamble.

My addictions and obsessions are very unhealthy for me.

I do not want to hurt my self or hurt other people today.

I do not want to lie to my self or lie to other people today.

Thank you for your sharing.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham