I’ve recently had a bit of a relapse with gambling. With drink as well which makes my gambling and my decision making so much worse.
My rent sits in my account for one day until my rent goes out. The other day I gambled it when I was drunk (My reckless decisions always stem from drink). Anyway .. In an effort to be sensitive to not triggering the group I’ll just say I won. But this casino holds the money in the account for days before it pays out. And only allows you to withdraw in really small denominations. For the last few days this has been fine (I’ve not been drunk) until last night when i got absolutely bladdered and I went back to the casino once I got home.
All I’ve been concerned with since winning this money is going back to the site to check the status of the withdrawal. It’s always pending and I’m always checking. September rent is due and it’s been the only thing on my mind is getting paid out and giving the first withdrawal to my landlord. Check. Check. Check. All the time but nothing new. It’s just pending.
I’ve woke up this morning hungover to death with very vague recollections of last night when I blew it all. I don’t understand why I’ve done it. Why I’ve put myself in this situation when if I had just left it alone not only would I have my rent money but I would be in profit.
There is a slight relief this morning that there is nothing to go and check on the balance anymore. Nothing to check on the cashier page as I was constantly to see if it’s still pending. I can let go and leave it be now with the balance being at zero.
I’ve re installed Gamban on my phone even though I know how to remove it (which is the problem in the first place). Having it on there should remind me what I’ve done and help me to move on and avoid going back. I’ve also adjusted my I am Sober app clock accordingly to count the days from last night regarding my sobriety from gambling and alcohol. Here I am again trying to quit both. They are both no good for me. They both turn my life upside down and inside out and I hate feeling like this.
I’ve just withdrawn the small amount I had saved from my savings account which will be with me in 3 working days.
Wish me luck guys I feel so low this morning because of all of this.
Step one. Square one once again.
C
People only tend to come on here when they are in dire straits and that in essence is part of the problem
In your case you are self medicating with both gambling and alcohol a mixture that never ends well
Maybe you ask yourself why you keep wanting to go and get blackout drunk
I suspect the answer will be the same reason as to why you keep gambling.....
@givemethebuzz @gadaveuk
Thank you both for your replies. I took a further step yesterday in putting deeper blocks in the way of myself and gambling. This particular casino that has ruined my recovery are always contacting me. Email, phone calls & texts. I don’t know how they have my contact details but let’s be honest I’ve been black out drunk at some point and given them over. Anyway last night I changed my mobile number and my primary email address. It’s been a massive pain in the a**e changing my email address with everyone and my phone number but I know it’s a necessary step that will save me in the long run. As I have been able to go a distance from gambling only for them to contact me with bonuses or sometimes they’ve even contacted me to ask where I’ve been and that they haven’t seen me on the site for a while which I thought was disgusting. I saw my a**e on that call and proper yelled at him told them never to contact me again. Few days later they did call back and I saw my a**e again and said I’ve said to stop this. The person on the phone I recall said “well sir you didn’t tell me personally not to contact you it wasn’t me you spoke to” lol. Besides the point isn’t it. Ideally delete my account innit. But short of that at least have me flagged as someone you don’t contact as it clearly triggers me.
Anyway new contact details now so onwards and upwards.
Thanks for reaching out
C
Hi, I understand sober I would never gamble, drinking triggers something in me that’s reckless and stupid, I am doing well with not gambling I am blocked but once I drink I am trawling the internet trying to find a site I am not blocked from, stupid behaviour but addicts will try anything, it’s not easy but you can start again, good luck
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