I've F... Up!!

Hi there, sorry to hear that you are experiencing what you have my friend,

You have been here five years now; I feel that, from your posts, you are looking for someone to give you the answers, that you want someone to say something that will change your life.

That isn't likely to happen after all this time my friend, and if it has, then it isn't working.

Giving up is a work in progress; it is something you need to look at as a project - rationally and practically; if you fall, then you need to take a very serious look at why, how and when you threw all that hard work and rational thought out the window.

It is a very complicated illness with a very simple solution; you will feel better in time and the urges will lessen - how you get there is by finding a routine that helps you get through the times, in the early days, when they are at their strongest.

How would you feel if they banned gambling, worldwide, tomorrow? It is very likely you would feel a world away from how you do now which proves that this is all in the mind - it is essentially not a physical thing - it is only your thought process and sensations that drive you to it.

I have been a part of this Forum for seven years. I have seen most come here when there has been a great deal of damage done, but sometimes I feel this is better than just drifting along for years and years, making the same mistakes without getting anywhere, almost like a slow, painful death - you are clearly a decent, kind and intelligent person my friend; that shines through in your words - I sincerely don't want you to be here in another five years, saying the same things and picking through the remnants of your life. But that involves taking things up a few notches - it has to be a zero tolerance approach and an extremely serious acceptance of doing everything you need to do.

Forget about shame my friend - channel how you are feeling into resolving to conquer this once and for all. Your girlfriend does deserve you, but if you expose her to too much of these consequences, then she will see less of the real you, and if she walks away, it won't be because of you as a person, it will be because of the picture you paint, not what is inside and you deserve a better existence than that my friend.

JamesP

Thanks James for your reply, your kind words mean a lot mate.

I want to stop! today I've closed down all my online accounts (excluded for 5 years). The damage was mainly done online, the ease of lying in bed an winning 100 was to much of a temptation. (mostly losing... Chasing... Chasing!! Seeing my girlfriend in tears last night has finally brought to light what a D**k I've been.. Gambling eats away at you and you become zombie like.. No feelings for anything...

What worked best for you James?

I don't want to be a Loser anymore!! that's how I feel. 🙁

You're very welcome Stupidwasteoftime, more than happy to help if I can.

Nothing worked better than knuckling down and getting through the day; no matter how strong the urge, tomorrow is almost always a better day; it's about finding what works best for you to get through those times - for me, it could be anything; going to bed, going for a run, punching a pillow, talking to someone, playing a video game, keeping my mind occupied, even having an alcoholic drink.

Keeping everything at the forefront of my mind helped enormously too; all the pain, all the losses, the upset on the faces of the people I loved, plus running through all the potential consequences in my mind - the obsession was telling me that I could spend £20.00 and walk away, wheras the reality was that I would lose every piece of money I had access to and then spend what I couldn't afford to lose, by whatever means necessary.

Don't allow yourself to "numb out" your emotions and past experiences my friend, and don't, whatever you do, try and fool yourself in believing you are something you are not. You weren't built that way - it's as simple as that, and nothing you ever do will make you able to handle it like the next person. Walk away my friend - accept it, live with it, walk away and change your life, before you have more regret than you can live with.

JamesP

Some sound advice there from James.

I have gambled for just short of 7 years and have recently made the very difficult decision to stop (well the decision wasn't difficult, more the implementation).

I used to come and post on here when I was at a total loss and didn't know how I was going to carry on. I have lied to family and friends, stolen and caused more hurt and pain than I can describe. For so long I was waiting for that moment..like the lightbulb moment, someone might say or do something that made me stop, well that never happened and it was never going to happen. It just got to the stage where I could no longer bare living. The only way you will do this is by having a strong resolve and working hard every day to resist the urges. They will come and you will need to be focussed and resilient to get through them, but you can and will do it if you want to. If your girlfriend is aware of the issue perhaps you should ask her to take control of your finances to ensure you don't have access for funds. It sounds like she wants to support you and this would be one way in which she could. I've been clean for 74 days and every day is a challenge, when I drive past a bookies, see an ad on TV etc etc...your mind will tell you a little bet wouldn't hurt but it would and we can't allow it back in to our lives. Take Care

Hi rock, thanks for you're reply mate. You and James are both right!! Today I had a bit of a slip... Popped to the shops for some bits. I strayed into the bookies.. I had £5 cash on me. (I've given all access to money to my girlfriend) i grabbed a football coupon filled it in £2 stake. Boom! Walked out. Is this good or bad?

One thing that P*** me off being in the bookies the old hag behind the till said to me "£2, is that it?" "Hardly worth it mate" i felt like sh**ing on here desk! Cheeky or what!

Hi Stupidwasteoftime, it isn't good sadly.

It is the holy grail for a compulsive gambler to return to small stakes and comparatively small stakes - it just isn't possible.

The reason is that you can't guarantee how you will feel, or react on any given day. If you won on that coupon, it would almost certainly make you want more, and drive you to gamble on something else. If you come close, then feelings of regret, annoyance at so-called "bad luck" will likely drive you to gamble on something else.

The best case scenario for you is to lose on that coupon, and lose reasonably badly; if the is the best case scenario, for you to lose and waste your precious time, then there is absolutely no point in doing it my friend.

Waly away for good, zero tolerance - there is no other way and there never will be. Don't even darken their doors my friend, don't even look in their direction.

JamesP

Didn't win a bean!! Your right i shouldn't go in there at all.