Breakfree checking in with 9 days GF, it's been a good start to a better life.
Have a great Sunday everyone.
Checking in on 7 days GF, hope everyone on board is doing well!
Checking in ! 86 days GF 🙂
*** GURU CHALLENGE - 2nd WEEKLY ROLLCALL! ***
Firstly, congratulations to RubyBaby hitting 30 days and now a STRIVER! And we cannot let Degenerate's passing of 150 amazing GF days go amiss, either; and, Abstainer, you hit 100 days not so long ago so you also form part of our Rollcall of Honour this week.
We are 18 strong and - always one day at a time, of course - here's to more GF days to come. Enjoy BH Monday, everyone!
GURUs
Places Available!
ELDERs
Degenerate - 152, Abstainer - 108
STRIVERs
ItMatters - 86, Sars27 - 86, Kadiz1 - 85, MikeyNash – 22,RubyBaby - 30
NEWBIEs
LaurainSky - 17, Mixer - 16, Athena1991 - 12, Bornagain - 12, Xenedra - 11, Amt722 - 10, Chartom3 - 9, Raj - 8, Antics - 7, Moorey - 3, Sidney - 2
Sorry to let everyone down who has supported me on here but i have been gambling again with the inevitable outcome and added to my problems...... so tomorrow is day 1 for me yet again, sorry Mixer & Athena for messing up your weekly rollcall i know how much time you put into doing this challenge.
Thanks Mixer. I am sure you will get to Day 150 yourself along with everyone here.
@Chartom3 Stay committed and do not let a lapse become a relapse. You need to restart recovery before you lose all available funds.
Thankyou and well done Mixer , great work with the weekly roll call .
Wishing you and all GamCare friends success in their recovery , I believe this is an opportune moment for us to bury the past and move on , one day at a time .
We have all experienced negative emotions and turned to gambling for comfort . It only brings more pain and we really don't want to go back to that horrible place .
*** MIXER's MISERY CALCULATOR - And turning the frowns upside down 🙂 ***
Author's Note: The following is a hard-hitting article, but one with a positive message: when we foresee the misery we're building up when we gamble, there is something we can do about it.
We're (recovering) compulsive gamblers - which means we can never win (Fact.). If we do 'win', any winnings become gambling 'tokens' that we keep playing until we lose. And then we lose some more. In other words, we always lose.
This constant cycle of lose-lose-lose-lose-lose brings misery, not just to us, and how we act and feel, but our friends and loved who indirectly (and sometimes, sadly, directly) feel the repurcussions.
But how much misery? Let's find out, using my misery calculator. If you're thinking of gambling, or have recently gambled, you may wish to try this. Warning - it's sobering.
I realise this post may be a bit of a jolt to some and I have to say, I applied it to my last binge before I stopped gambling a mere 16 days ago. I blew 28 days of my disposable income in one evening, and am still going through the 772 (!!!) hours of regret caused by this rash, reckless action. I personally still feel as raw as I did on Day 1. I have suffered, my family has lost out and that's why I am going GF with a vengance. I have banned myself from all local bookies, am soon to start counselling, have a diary on here, help with this challenge, have come (fairly) clean with my loved ones, handed financial control to my wife - whatever it takes, frankly.
My non-gambling side of my brain is in a constant battle with my more-cunning gambling side; and the non-gambling side must win. (Do you feel the same...?)
There is a school of thought that says: it's disposable income, so I can do what I want with it? That's entirely true. But the all-too-real danger is that, when the disposable income's wasted away, the non-disposable income gets eaten into, leading to debt (as many of us are, sadly, acutely aware of). And let's consider the value of money - disposable income buys goods, services, time and convenience; all things that makes life better for us - and our loved ones. We should cherish this extra cash!
The thing about our condition is that we don't always think logical - if we did, we wouldn't gamble. But we're implementing measures to help manage this gambling devil, and if we do lapse, we can try to close of the gambling avenue we found ourselves down. And take other measures.
I hope this post is helpful. You may find it sows an additonal seed for when we're tempted - and that includes me. It is never to late to start today and to do something to counter the regret to come.
On a brighter note, I hope you're enjoying this Bank Holiday and here's to an enjoyable week ahead.
Abstainer - thank you for your kind words and you're exactly right - we mustn't return to the gambling world, it's too painful and the gambling-world is a comparative polar opposite - life as it's meant to be lived.
Chartom3 - I'm sorry to read you've had a relapse; and you've been honest about it, which is always to be respected. I've visited your thread and think Alan's comments are well worth a re-read because you do appear to be caught in a rut right now (hey, I've been there!). Think about what caused this relapse, Chartom; was it money, time or location? What can you do to remove one of these impediments in case you're tempted to gamble next time? Wishing you the best of luck, as always 🙂
Xenedra - I've just read your diary and really sorry to hear of your relapse too. As you have said, despite the blocks you've applied to your home devices, you have used, for the first time a work laptop and, as you know, you've got to be SO careful there. You know you must NEVER do that again ...it's just too risky. But look... you know you've just had a hard landing and you know, deep down, that you'll not consider mixing the business and "pleasure" route again. It's a time for reflection and, whilst you lick your wounds (understandably) think: Right; I'm going to double and redouble my efforts to tame this beast! How can you plug the gaps in your strategy? Certainly, you'll not use any work devcies again. But are there any other sneaky gambling outlets your gambling brian has in it's mind's eye ... time to plug them, too! Good luck, Xendera,we are always with you 🙂
*** TIP OF THE DAY ***
Keeping track of your spending, day to day, can help encourage and spur on our gambling-free journey.
This might be helpfully as part of your non-gamblaing 'armoury'. Why not get a calendar, and on every day, have (up to) three columns:
Yesterday, for example, my three figures were: £0, £2, 2 (pints).
Every week, I tally up the "scores" and share them with my wife and even my mum. I want to report good news. I want to share my positive progress. If anyone else finds this idea useful... it's all yours!
Mixer wrote:
Hi Cardhue,
Thank you for your comments, and, as I wrote in response to Robf's latest post, it's your perogative and rest assured, never a problem to me. I would like the opportunity to respond, if I may.
Firstly, you say you share Robf's unease about these kind of threads (i.e. Challenge threads), however say it's fine for what it is, but not sure what it is; I'll try to illuminate.
It WILL be about counting the days, but weekly, as the very first post in this thread states. We haven't been up a week yet, but have had a provisional first rollcall and another will follow on Sunday. I'm just getting together, and will discuss with my fellow host Athena - who, by the way, has been amazingly encouraging on this thread, in my opinion - the format and structure of the rollcalls. But rest assured every member of this thread will have their GF count listed, along with the fun, but hopefully inspiring, 'status' according to the number of days GF.
So, to clarify your point, yes, there will be strict counting, on a weekly basis, similar in vein to the other established Challenges on these forums.
Is this challenge seeking something higher? I can't say I've thought about that; the best answer I can give is that it's intend to be positive and spirited, for sure, but not spiritual. That said, those of us following the Gambling Anonymous steps will be aware of a higher plane as part of their recovery strategy, but certainly this thread isn't consiously following this course of action.
Your statement "I can see it's harmless, unless you're relying on this in any way to bring about any kind of genuine change" is, of course, the 'incoming', your carefully-crafted 'zinger'.
Here's my take. You might not find it brings any change, but others might find it helps. And I said helps - it's not a panacea, we all know gambling addiction is an extremely complex beast, and the positive tsunami that this thread brings - I actually like, and will use, that phrase - is but one of a multitude of directions, tools and approaches that might help.
Also, are you tarring the other Challenges with the same brush?
You ask, is this thread counter-productive and not harmless, i.e. actually damaging? Please be most assured that would horrify me and I would like to think anyone who is part of the thread. Is this thread significant? Not in the scheme of things; but I suppose it's for others to judge how useful it turns out to be. It's but one of many, many channels recovering gamblers like us might consider useful, as I've already covered.
As regards how Robf was making his point, he is the best one to answer that question, we can both speculate but I personally feel that is unfair without his implicit permission; I would feel uncomfortable, and don't feel it's right, speaking on someone else's behalf. I believe, with respect, we have to show Robf some consideration.
I do agree that this thread should stand scrutiny - absolutely. You can be most assured Gamcare are - quite rightly - keeping a VERY close eye on this thread. As soon as you invite others to any sort of communal challenge it must be done correctly and responsibly. (And having personally left a successful Challenge in the lurch before - I have held my hands up - I am certainly 'on probation'. Hence why Athena has kindly offered to co-host, and hosting is open to anyone, to help ensure continuity once it's all established).
So, if this thread turns out to be anything other than what it says 'on the tin' - a site with a positive vibe and weekly rollcall - you can be sure that Gamcare will act.
Thank you, cardhue, for your comments, sincerely made. I have, in turn, made a sincere reply, and, thinking about what you've written, have tailored the 'Welcome' message slightly to make sure that any reader understands that this thread may be useful to them, but to bear in mind it's just one of many useful tools and appraches out there. I do listen, cardhue, and have taken on board the points you've raised.
(I've also made clear, in the 'Welcome' threads, in light of Robf's comments, that 300-days GF does not really make you some kind of Guru, in case anyone thought I was being literal. Hopefully this assuages Robf's concerns. And I'm not being facetious here; I never mock because everyone on these forums is trying to deal with this condition we all have, that's what bonds us all and that's what's important.)
I wish you well, cardhue, and a GF day today. In fact I wish everyone a GF day today!
thanks mixer for your detailed response. I can see you really tried to engage with the point I was making, rather than discredit me personally, which is an all too common response on here.
A couple of preliminaries...
I don't intend to respond further on this thread. Whilst I'm happy to read any response, please do not feel obliged. You've already given me much of your time.
Well said re Robf. You've helped me see that I was using him as a piggy back into the arena. I should've been more direct.
re your Q - my view re this thread applies to any challenge thread.
final preliminary - I shouldn't have to say this, but as a supporter of yours alluded to me querying your 'intentions' - to be clear, I can clearly see you are investing considerable energy from a point of utmost sincerity. (I would also note that you have unusually good communication and leadership skills.)
I'm less concerned about people who are doing this thread as one 'tool' among other more substantive ones eg, attending counselling/ opening up to loved ones etc.
Even here though I have core concerns. I query the point in excessive promotion of day counting. Day counting cannot be a means to an end. If thats THE goal then it's a hollow one. You're not going to address your addiction by day counting. If all you do is day count then, without addressing deeper issues, then you will probably fail.
I am in favour of congratulating
/encouraging someone who takes a brave decision. For example, coming on here for the first time, opening up to a loved one, revealing a painful/shameful secret, or doing a specific act which is outside their comfort zone. But continual (daily or weekly) congratulating I see as a double edged sword.
Yes, the mere act of not gambling is an achievement, particularly in very early days. But you're also in danger of rewarding people for doing not a lot (and often being clearly harmful to others by lying). Yet just by not gambling you enter a world of continual praise.
I would be more sympathetic if I thought that mere day counting directly led to self-improvement. But IMO that's clearly not so. We weren't issue free before we became addicts, otherwise we wouldn't be addicts. Gambling didn't f- us up, we were already so.
Ok, so its true that whatever our underlying issue, gambling always makes things worse. So, if we remove gambling we improve. We remove some of the chaos and self - sabotage. But, let's say you started gambling addictively in 2010. In 2009 you've got these underlying issues bubbling away, shortly to latch onto gambling addiction.
If the aim is now to day count and not gamble, then the best you do is get to your 2009, pre - addiction state. Ok if you're very lucky you might avoid gambling as your poisonous outlet, but, without having tackled any issues, 2010 still awaits you.
I can foresee the argument - 'but wait, at least with 'daylight ' we can im the future address underlying issues. Sounds good In practice, but maybe it gets kind of comfy just day counting and basking in the praise..maybe I'll just hang around here after all.. Then next thing it's off the wagon....
But my primary concern is for people who might, for example, adopt a recovery approach involving putting some blocks in place and joining the challenge. There's a reason why it's a lot easier to join a challenge than, say, tell your OH about your addiction. Far easier to give praise and know that the praise is gona come right back in no time - so long as the counter keeps ticking.
Last point is about 'positivity', which is really a response to others. People seem confused between the merits of having a positive outlook, and 'positive thinking' as a means of recovery. I'm all for having a positive outlook, but strongly disagree that you achieve this through positive thinking.
Positive thinking is widely discredited now as a form of therapy. There's a really simple reason for this - because you can't control your thoughts. If we could control our thoughts and think positively all the time then we'd have been all over this a long time ago.
IMO a focus of recovery is how to deal effectively with difficulties. That's a hard sell for addicts entering recovery - I realise that.
I think that what I'm alluding to is positive. I'm suggesting that you can do more than mere day counting. You can actually change if you want to. You can do better than return to 2009. You can become who you really, deep down, want to be.
Thanks again Mixer for your time.
Louis
Hi Louis (Cardhue),
Thank you very much for your post, which has given me genuine food for thought. I will certainly respond, but need to carefully think and digest about some of the more technical aspects you have raised. I'd rather write, and I am sure you would rather receive, a considered reply rather than a rushed one. It'll take me a day or two.
One point you raised made me smile, though: all day I've been pondering removing the GF day count and simply grouping Challenge members by their level (Newbie, Striver etc.). I did wonder if a daily counter was too much of an impediment, especially in the early days, and possibly a curse as times goes on (it was interesting to read you raising the same kind of point). It would be something I'd consider consulting with our Challenge members.
But it's the key points you've raised I need to ponder most.
I now have the measure of you, and you me, and I think the fruits of our discourse will result in a better, more focused 'Challenge', or whatever else emanates (key phrase), for which I can most profitably use the time I am prepared to spend at this website. And I know you also have your heart in the right place, as the quality time you spend here testifies.
Unless you have any objections, would you mind if I reply on your thread. My reply is likely to be lengthy. But anyone reading this thread is welcome to read it of course!
All the best
Mixer
Cardhue
just a gentle reminder this diary is for people who believes in "counting the number of Gf days " and like myself believes who also believes in positive thinking . Mixer has a great idea of taking your "argument " in your diary as we like to keep this thread positive in everyway.
I mean why argue this thread if the purpose is to help others who are struggling . It's simple if you believe this thread will help you as an individual join and if not ... keep scrolling as it's nice to maintain a positive ambiance here .
Sars
Remember it's your thread and your challenge Mixer, you don't have to set the rules for any single persons approval. Plenty of us like what you are doing and are happy with your 'positivity' and 'intentions' just the way they are. You are running a great thread dedicating your time so don't get bogged down answering questions you don't need to regarding thinking or outlook which people aren't confused about. You put so much time into your posts and on this forum Mixer please keep it up, those many of us who appreciate it thank you for it and those who are 'concerned' can preach their lines wherever they choose. We know your 'congratulations' won't cure us but they are still nice to hear from such a lovely dedicated poster as yourself. This thread like all threads on here is what it is and i thank you for it, keep it going mate it's fine for me and plenty others and always a pleasant read.
All getting a bit to in depth and serious for me with the in's and out's of what's right and wrong. Surely if this thread (challenge) help's one to remain gamble free then it's a good thing. I don't post much but do read this thread and various other's on gamcare regularly throughout each day/evening. It actually keeps me focused and as I'm in the early stages of abstainence (12days), that for me is a positive thing. Sometimes one needs a goal to reach in order to succeed in the early stages of anything in life. That's my opinion (worthless maybe). Mixer keep up the good work.
Hi Sars, Alainpo, Amt
Thank you all for your kind comments. And I do take your points - this thread is very straightforward in its premise. A place where we can meet up, see how we're all getting on and gee each other on. With a bit of fun and humour from time to time. As if to say, this is tough at times, very tough, but let's engage; who knows, it might help!
Certainly, you all realise the reality of compulsive gambling - that it's more than daily counters and congratulations from time to time. But I believe this thread would start to organically, naturally delve a bit deeper, as it settled; without losing its bright and breezy personality!
I fear that this Challenge is getting a bit 'bogged down' at the moment. I think this has been driven by some questioning, critical, posts which, although mostly well-intentioned have somewhat indirectly knocked the dynamic of the Challenge off-kilter. I'm not blaming anyone here; just making an observation of the cause/effect. However, other comments have tried to put a spanner in the works IMO, not because the points raised weren't good, but how they were raised with inherently negative undertones. The correspondant knows who I'm talking about.
Now I don't mind a good debate, especially on the technical, psychological or indeed any aspects of our condition, and have now taken these offline (to other diary threads).
I would like to request that if anyone wants to discuss the merits or otherwise of the challenge if they could post a message to one of my other threads - thank you. I'll always read, digest and reply!
Rest assured, this challenge will get back on track. I'm always prepared to listen to suggestions to make it better. But ultimately I want to keep it simple, engaging but above all, effective and useful. I just want to be GF tomorrow. I want you to be GF tomorrow! As we go along, and need more questions asked, to help us on our journeys, we'll ask em right?
Ok, gonna go now. Bit tired. One final request... let's all have a GF day tomorrow 🙂
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