My life is pretty much over

Hi Compulsive26,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've had a pretty tough few years, but I can assure you that if you stick with this determination to quit and take whatever steps you need to get there, your life will be far from over.

Let's talk about the counselling for a minute. First, it's very common for people to need more than one go at counselling before things start to come together. If you gave it another shot, you could perhaps try with another counsellor where you might have a different experience. You might also feel more ready to change at this next attempt. Also, it might take 45 minutes to get there, but if it's with one of our partner agencies it's free, and isn't improving your life worth a 90 minute round trip?

Next, if you're gambling online, have you taken every possible step to prevent your access to the sites? Not just blocking software, but if you're still able to get onto sites using your phone or another device, do you really need that device? A lot of people have actually gone back to just having a basic phone without internet access. Would improving your life be worth considering that?

Please remember that you're actually only 26 years old. You've still got a lot of good years left if you accept that gambling isn't going to be something that ever works out for you, and find ways to be vigilant and stay away from it. Life doesn't have to be this stressful.

Take care, and I hope your first 100 days goes well. Hang in there.

Travis

Your life doesn't have to be pretty much over comp26, when i was in the grip of addiction and gambling large sums of money i felt quite a bit like you have described your situation. It took a huge event in my life to get me to face my problems and in my 40's my life isn't over yet so there is hope for you i believe. I would go to extraordinary lengths to gamble but could always say to myself i didn't have time for GA or counselling or to go to my GP yet a 3 or 4 hour gambling blowout session was somehow fine. I was taking the easy way out, easier to plod on gambling down the same route than to tackle my addiction, easier to find comfort in the bookies rather than look into why i started gambling in the first place. Now i know i was gambling to cope with life, to scratch my itch the only way i knew how and it was a well ingrained coping mechanism as i was gambling longer than you have been alive. There are blocks available that can limit your access to gambling and a poor credit rating doesn't have to be such a bad thing, have you heard about self exclusion and blocking software for your computer?

A part of my gambling was almost self harm, i didn't believe i deserved anything good or nice in my life so if i lost all my money and felt lousy i must have deserved it. Say that sentence to any counsellor and what do you think their reply would be? Do you think they would say "Yeah, nice outlook on life, carry on you will be fine" or "I think we should look into that statement to see why you feel like that"

You are not alone in your poor decision making this far and you won't be the last but if you do want to get on and help others first you should help yourself, you could always try a GA meeting, it may turn out to be a great thing and your first good decision to a non gambling life. I know for a fact it would be a better decision than a "Lets turn this 20 quid into 100 quid by gambling" decision. Addressing your gambling issue may seem daunting and something you can put off for another year but that could just be the addiction or issue that drives you to gamble talking. That little feeling inside which tells you that you will be better off with a quick gambling fix rather than deal with your big issue of your childhood or bullying or whatever it may be that could be driving you to addiction. Like your own personal drug dealer talking you into your well trodden quick fix approach. I don't know, i don't claim to know you or your situation i would just like to maybe shed light on the fact that there may be more to it, definitely other ways to deal with things and definitely not the end of your life yet.

Forum admin wrote:

Hi Compulsive26,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've had a pretty tough few years, but I can assure you that if you stick with this determination to quit and take whatever steps you need to get there, your life will be far from over.

Let's talk about the counselling for a minute. First, it's very common for people to need more than one go at counselling before things start to come together. If you gave it another shot, you could perhaps try with another counsellor where you might have a different experience. You might also feel more ready to change at this next attempt. Also, it might take 45 minutes to get there, but if it's with one of our partner agencies it's free, and isn't improving your life worth a 90 minute round trip?

Next, if you're gambling online, have you taken every possible step to prevent your access to the sites? Not just blocking software, but if you're still able to get onto sites using your phone or another device, do you really need that device? A lot of people have actually gone back to just having a basic phone without internet access. Would improving your life be worth considering that?

Please remember that you're actually only 26 years old. You've still got a lot of good years left if you accept that gambling isn't going to be something that ever works out for you, and find ways to be vigilant and stay away from it. Life doesn't have to be this stressful.

Take care, and I hope your first 100 days goes well. Hang in there.

Travis

Thanks for the reply.
Yes I think I am definitely going to give counselling another go, I have heard it can be done over the telephone as well? Although probably not as effective I would imagine?

I haven't tried blocking software due to me primarily gambling on my mobile phone (Easy to get around) I have considered just getting a basic phone... But then I also need to use my phone to look at new places to live etc and to email/look for new job. So it's a tough one. But perhaps when I have got everything sorted with my place to live and better job etc I will look to do it.

I get that I still have a lot of years ahead of me, but your 20's are meant to be the best years of your life. And I've just wasted most of it.

But I appreciate it, made me feel a tad more optimistic.

allainepo wrote:

Your life doesn't have to be pretty much over comp26, when i was in the grip of addiction and gambling large sums of money i felt quite a bit like you have described your situation. It took a huge event in my life to get me to face my problems and in my 40's my life isn't over yet so there is hope for you i believe. I would go to extraordinary lengths to gamble but could always say to myself i didn't have time for GA or counselling or to go to my GP yet a 3 or 4 hour gambling blowout session was somehow fine. I was taking the easy way out, easier to plod on gambling down the same route than to tackle my addiction, easier to find comfort in the bookies rather than look into why i started gambling in the first place. Now i know i was gambling to cope with life, to scratch my itch the only way i knew how and it was a well ingrained coping mechanism as i was gambling longer than you have been alive. There are blocks available that can limit your access to gambling and a poor credit rating doesn't have to be such a bad thing, have you heard about self exclusion and blocking software for your computer?

A part of my gambling was almost self harm, i didn't believe i deserved anything good or nice in my life so if i lost all my money and felt lousy i must have deserved it. Say that sentence to any counsellor and what do you think their reply would be? Do you think they would say "Yeah, nice outlook on life, carry on you will be fine" or "I think we should look into that statement to see why you feel like that"

You are not alone in your poor decision making this far and you won't be the last but if you do want to get on and help others first you should help yourself, you could always try a GA meeting, it may turn out to be a great thing and your first good decision to a non gambling life. I know for a fact it would be a better decision than a "Lets turn this 20 quid into 100 quid by gambling" decision. Addressing your gambling issue may seem daunting and something you can put off for another year but that could just be the addiction or issue that drives you to gamble talking. That little feeling inside which tells you that you will be better off with a quick gambling fix rather than deal with your big issue of your childhood or bullying or whatever it may be that could be driving you to addiction. Like your own personal drug dealer talking you into your well trodden quick fix approach. I don't know, i don't claim to know you or your situation i would just like to maybe shed light on the fact that there may be more to it, definitely other ways to deal with things and definitely not the end of your life yet.

Thanks for the reply.
I think that a big reason why I gamble, because I have no social life or anything to do.
And have had big personal issues in my life and also depression and anxiety.
But gambling obviously makes all this a lot worse, but it is like a coping mechanism like you say.
I have self excluded from every site there is, but always end up finding one more to go on.
But my biggest issue before was that I didn't really truly want to stop gambling, but now I definitely have to and want too.

I am the same, I feel like I am worthless and don't deserve anything.
And you are correct, I was bullied at school and had a traumatic childhood.

I had no idea this would be a possible reason for my compulsive gambling though?

I don't like being in group situations at the moment, so GA for me at the moment is too much.

But I definitely feel like going on this forum will help me a lot, and counselling too hopefully.

Have you had success in quitting gambling then?

I am currently having my biggest success in quitting problem gambling at 265 days, meaning this time last year it was the norm to win and lose thousands and in the last 265 days FOBT's or online roulette or football bets or greyhound bets have taken up 0% of my income or time.

I think it would be worth you talking to a counsellor about why you might gamble when you mention your childhood, i am not in a position to say that is definitely why you gamble but it has to be worth investigating. I think i can say that no healthy or normal functioning or whatever you want to call it person would do the things we do with gambling. To place this addiction above all else isn't a great way of life and there is something wrong in our minds i think that takes us down the gambling path. Now whether we are born that way or learn that way (nature or nurture) is for another day but i think talking to someone about your childhood may help and give you something to think about.

I am still dealing with things and probably will be all my life but it's better than sitting at a FOBT and hoping that a random (or not) number generator is going to solve my problems for me. I will continue with my medication for anxiety and continue to monitor its effectiveness while challenging myself a little more in social situations.

I am worthy of peace and happiness, you are also.

Hi there,

Am sat on the floor in an airport, reading your story and I feel sadness for you. But in that sadness there is also hope. You made the decision to come to Gamcare, so that is the first positive. The second is, thinking of going back to counselling. I have a had a few different counselling efforts over the years, for one thing and another, but you go when you need to go. Counselling does help. You need to work out, why you don't feel you deserve happiness. Quick few practical things....sort the house and job out asap. The housing is important, because we all need a place to lay our head, warm, clean, safe and yours. Pay the rent before anything else. Sort the job out. A lot of us on here have made mistakes when it comes to work, this is not new. Make a committment when you take a job, that you will give your best to it, and keep the gambling separate to it.

Go easy on yourself, you have had a hard few years, and we all turn to things in times of crisis. There is no way out of compulsive gambling, only the realisation that it will do nothing for us, now or in the future. When you cannot contentidly walk with the money you won, it is pointless investing the money or the energy in it in the first place. But that is a lsson for another day. Take the time today to be kind to yourself. There are hundreds of people on this site that are in the same position, we all walk the same road, regardless of age, status, gender, sexuality, or the amount of money we have in our pocket.

I wish you every success on the road ahead.

Julie xx

Don't lose hope. I know it's hard to quit. But you being here is already a sign that you really want to change. It's a long and tough road ahead, but you just need to focus. You already have a goal, which is to stop gambling and turn your life around. It's best to always keep that in mind so that you won't lose to it again. Good luck!

You're life really isn't over, you're too young to say that but I appreciate it feels that way at the moment. I can relate to much of your story, this has been me in the past, I couldn't even make sense of my own behaviour and it took something terrible to happen for me to take stock of my life feel so ashamed and grit my teeth. I think we all have that moment or need that moment of clarity, whether you've had that or not yet I don't know. Everyone is different but personally I didn't have much success with setting myself targets in terms of days it made me feel pressurised and I almost always failed. The things that did help was Finding better social networks and hobbies and interests that would occupy my time focus my mind and take it away from gambling. It would dominate my thoughts every day before but now I never think of it at all, that's a slow process and I believe the old adage "one day at a time" really is the thing that worked for me and not looking at all beyond the current day. Please be patient and not too critical of yourself, nobody would choose this life but also understand it is you and nobody else that can change your behaviours. We must take ultimate responsibility.