Post #264 i think you mean
I remember when i was 18 and playing a fruit machine in a pub - had spent a fortune on it and totally ran out of money. I then proceeded to run home to get a 20 quid note i had hidden away so i could get back on the machine. The lady behind the bar looked at me with total pity as I threw the money in, lost, then sat nursing my drink! That was 17 years ago and my earliest memory of being embaressed at my gambling because of the look on her face!
Got a topic for today/weekend - how do you deal with being in an environment surrounded by gambling i.e. your family/friends doing bets and talking about it all the time? All of my mates gamble to some extent, some more than others. Our group chat is filled up as we speak about supposed fixed football matches and all the lads are jumping on. Now, whilst I admit I'm intrigued I don't feel tempted to join in. In fact, even if I was 100% sure it would win I wouldn't even do it coz I know where that road leads. I don't expect people to act differently around me or anything regarding gambling and I accept I can't bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe it will strengthen my resolve?
I think thats the key Sam - we know where the road leads for us. I get tempted when friends / family go to the bingo but I talk through what will happen in my mind and every road leads to starting up to gamble again and that is a disaster. So I accept those around me will gamble but accept that I can't because I can't control it or do it for fun! I think it does strengthen our resolve, the more we get used to not doing it the more it becomes a habit that we dont gamble. I have had to fully remove myelf from some environments though and sometimes I feel a bit down about that. For e.g. I used to love a casino visit, we would have food & drinks then head to a casino for a laugh - I cant do that now. Firstly I know that I will gamble (I dont have the strength to go in there knowing 100% that I wont gamble) and to start again would lead me back down the path of destruction I was walking. So I decline those nights out, a small price to pay I think to live the life I want but still makes me feel like I am missing out on some fun.
Apologies for the late response today Sam and Rose - I've just had a hyper busy day. I will pick up on this interesting topic either later today or tomorrow morning. It's definitely something I can relate to and I can talk around that some more.
Thanks again for providing some content to discuss - it's much appreciated.
198 days... counting down today.
Dan - yes it was post #264
Thanks for popping over to my diary change.
All good here.
It's hard to chat about but it's important to keep the most horrendous times we have had due to gambling at the front of our mind and never forget them. This will always keep us on our toes. My worst experience was before Christmas two years ago. I got paid (wages went into bank at 12 in morning) midnight. I thought I need to win some more money for Christmas. I decided to have a few bets on virtual football and dogs online. Started off betting tenners. Before I knew it I was a substantial amount down. Got to about 2am (my missus and my daughter were asleep. I HAD to get that money back. I had a massive bet on a Argentinian third division game. (knew nothing about it done no research etc just looked at away team and the price if I had this much on would give me my money back) so put the bet on and watched that dangerous attack safe possession thing online (people who have bet on football will know what I mean) so it got to the 94th minute and was winning 1-0 obviously the inevitable happened. I was in the dark literally crying in the front room. 4am had to tell my missus I stayed up all night wondering how to tell her I woke her up at seven and told her I had lost all my wages and we had no money for Christmas. I spent the next day begging family members. Luckily my aunty took a loan for me. (One of many that I am still paying back now) awful times! Will never want to re-live that.
Anyone else got anything to share? I understand if it's a sore subject.
Stay safe
Gaz
Sam - you raised a valid topic. Your pals are all gamblers and you don't want to be distant from them or feel left out. It's a tough one. The solution for me was to tell my mates. That very swiftly resulted in a change where I no longer get texts about gambling or my picks etc. They try to do they're gambling behind my back as they feel for me and understand how serious my predicament is and was. I think this may be the way to go? At the least mention it to one lad and he could tell the others to calm it down. However, and it's a big however, you have to get comfortable with gambling chat happening and it not affecting you. As it still happens. I now laugh at my mates if it comes up and just say I'd rather have £100 in my hand than the chance of £200.
Fish - I'll come back to you tomorrow... it's like suspense so I know you'll all check in to see the next instalment haha
Really hope everyone is doing well and staying safe!
197 days left ! Forgot to say...
"Lights will guide you home... and ignite your bones... and I will try and fix you"
196 days to the end of 2016 and the start of the next journey...
Fish - that tale is very typical and I bet you have 10-20 very similar stories... the gambler thinks they can control it and will just dip their toe with a £10 bet... but straight away it descends into £500s and £1000s. I know the attack --> dangerous attack very well indeed!
Lifted this one from one of my earlier diaries:
Story 4
This one really annoys me as it is all about greed and it's one that I think about the most. I'd put about £1,000 into an account and doubled it so withdrew my deposit back. With the £1,000 winnings I'd got up to £4,000 over a period of about a month. I was then hit with a few losses and my balance was £2,000. Did I stop then and get out? No, did I heck. I wacked the whole lot on a tennis match and lost it all. This then led to a spiral of chasing winnings and then chasing losses. Really difficult period of my life where if I hadn't been greedy I could have walked away with a huge sum of money but I'm a compulsive gambler and we never stop.
Leason leant 4
A one off bet is never going to be good enough for me so there is no point thinking I'm ever back to 'normal'. Gambling is over and life is beginning.
Another one for me was in March this year I had deposited 100 quid on my online account was suppose to have it on a football match instead I played blackjack and turned it into 800 I then withdrew the hundred so was left 700 up I was so happy but within 24 I decided to get greedy and start betting on short odds on favourites (easy money) yeah right! After an hour I had lost all my winnings. Again I was chasing. What a terrible time.
195 days to go... stay safe everyone
Hi guys,
Sorry not been posting much, found myself slipping back into the suffering alone mode I'm used to. Battling the urges and walking aroud depressed. I'm going to commit to posting often and try and make the chatrooms at night. I'm still gamble free, 19 days, I'm a stubborn git so using my anger against gambling to good effect, setting simple goals, this weeks goal is get it off my chest more and not battle it alone !! #togetherstronger
Have a good day everyone !
Hi Andrew. It only makes things harder by suffering alone so use the forum, friends and family to help you through the tough times. Concentrate on improving yourself as a person in general, not just abstaining from gambling. Little bits at a time though as it doesn't happen all at once.
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