New Year's Day challenge!!!

Yeah very true ! I got to look at the long term, thanks mate, well done on 3 weeks !

I got speaking to a lad at GA last night whom I’ve known for years through football. We got talking afterwards a bit about our gambling and what lead us to seek help. One of the stories I told:

One day a year or 2 ago we were playing a cup game so it was an early kick off. I was in the bookies that morning punting the bit out and lost a lot more than I could afford. From memory it left me needing to apply for another loan or CC. Anyway as the time was ticking on I knew I was going to be late meeting for football if I didn’t hurry so I scraped my last 100 together and put a football bet on which included the early English league match. Before our own match I saw the team I picked was winning 1-0. Fast forward to half time and I run over to the dugout to ask one of the lads how the team did, 1-1 it finished. Gutted. Ah well I’ll worry about it later. Amazingly I had this way of almost forgetting about it altogether even after the game when we were in the pub. It was only when the lads started talking about what they were doing that night and it hit home – I couldn’t even afford a takeaway let alone a night out. Cue the sorrowful walk up the road and lonely night in on my own whilst my girlfriend is out working for a fraction of what I lost. Promises never again to gamble ensue but somewhere in my mind I don’t even believe myself.

There are hundreds more stories like this unfortunately but I won’t be adding any new gambling stories to the list. I have began a new chapter in my life, one of abstinence, selflessness and self-improvement.

Hi Sam - really like your positive ending after recounting that tale. I like to think of stories now where I use the money on things that make me happy and dont drag me down. For e.g. I am off to London this weekend - it is costing me a fortune but because I wont gamble I have the money to do it. We have loads planned and it will be a great time, something I wouldnt have done if I was still gambling because I would never have justified spending that money on a weekend away....but I would easily justify spending £1k in 4 hours spinning my life away.

As we keep on this journey maybe we can throw some good stories in there, of how our lives are improving by not gambling?!

194 days friends! I go away tomorrow so may be offline a bit depending on wifi.

Sam - thanks for sharing that. It takes a lot. I think once you can share negative tales and look back on them with sorrow and regret and a resolve to never do that again you start to exercise some demons. If the stories stay inside then they can eat away at you. You're doing great in your recovery and you're an asset to this challenge.

My most expensive gambling nightmare was just pure on tilt betting, I never do casino games but I'd done a wedge in (and I mean a serious wedge) on the world darts. Last game done but I needed my money bet. No sports anywhere so roulette online online option. I was doing red or black spins for a bag of sand and got up then wasted the whole lot away in a period of insanity. I couldn't sleep for days after that one. It was my real tilt betting but I still didn't realise there was anything wrong with me at that stage. I just thought I was unlucky.

Quiet last few days lads and lasses, hope all is well!

Topic of the day - seeing the bigger picture I know when I was in the gambling fog all I could see was my next bet and my debt. Thoughts of anything else just pained me as it took me away from my possible fortune. Now 31 days after my last bet I am able to see the bigger picture. Debt will be paid off eventually. I WILL be a good father to my son and I'm putting all the things in place to make that so. I'm now working on getting my self confidence back which has been stripped away over the years. I am beginning to realise that not everything that went wrong in my life was all my fault (of course I own my responsibility and faults whole-heartedly). I understand that in order for things to get better sometimes they must initially get worse. I feel stronger now to be able to deal with the obstacles put in my way. My self worth is returning and I am able to see the bigger picture again.

185 days to go! Apologies for being offline... I was in a remote part of the world and didn't have any wifi plus my mobile data was very poor! I'm back now though...

Sam - thanks for your contribution today. You're totally right. When you are in that gambling mindset everything else is insignificant... but when you rise from it you can see so much more and it takes a while to happen but it's really uplifting when it does.

Hi mate I'm fine thanks day 47 for me now hope your ok mate

Everyone still on board? 34 days GF for me now

182 days to go!

Sorry for continued lack of posts... I will be better. I'm doing good though. Hope everyone is fine.

17 days is a good start! Well done on 34 days Sam. Keep the faith.

There was a word that was mentioned quite a lot at my GA meeting last night - Happiness. The last time I was truly happy was when my son was born. Now I'm starting to get my life sorted (all aspects not just gambling) I feel the happiness slowly returning. When was the last time you were truly happy?

Right I will save myself...

We're on 167 days to the end of the year. You talked me into starting this again so you better be ready!

So topic for discussion - relapses. Never good and always bad. It doesn't just feel bad when you realise there's no more money left to gamble and you have the dread of checking your online account. It feels bad for days and weeks later as you constantly relive the hell with cartoon-like repetition. I'm stick flickering between good and bad after my latest relapse. I am exhausted by it and need to move on. I need to get to the end of this year and the end of next year and beyond. My life has become unmanageable as a 12 Stepper would say.

Okay change as promised I am here !

Relapses .. Oh good god where do I start. I will open up about one. This last christmas eve, on my own I decided to have a gamble to escape my thoughts. I was still gambling at 7am christmas morning having lost around 10 grand and my card would no longer be accepted because verified by visa wanted me to call and blocked my card.

This jolted me out of the trance I was lost in and I felt sooooo bad. I had to think is this real, am I awake. Exhausted I lay down but could not sleep and did not sleep till boxing day night. I do not want to ever experience another christmas like it.

As for my latest relapse, I am just rolling in the dirt of how I feel then I will spill the beans.

On a lighter note 167 days, you are here, you are back to fight this. Like Rocky who takes almighty beatings

just when you think you are done... the music starts and you find some inner strength to get back up 🙂

Ha I loved those films.

You've not let me down! You're here and we're on the way. Nice one. Have a good morning and maybe I'll get chance to post again over lunch.

Relapses. I'll pick one of the many throughout the years. I quit not long after getting engaged, early December 2014. Things were looking good in almost all aspects of my life and although there was debt it wasn't an awful lot. Had no worries or urges until I was invited to a birthday party in the last weekend of January at the dogs.This along with receiving a £5 free bet from an online betting site triggered it off. I was very tentative about going to the party but didn't want to make an excuse and thought I could control it. I only did £2 bets on the races and the night was a success. I checked my free bet on the way home to see I had narrowly lost out on £165 after one of the 6 teams I picked lost 3-2 after leading 2-0. Although I was sick at the 'nearly win' I thought look how close I came and I didn't actually lose any money! Small stakes insued for a while but inevitably increased with time. The rest as they say is history!