Hi
Well its been a while. Went through that awful relapse and did the right thing and got more help and things changed quite rapidly for me. Since engaging in therapy for the second time I have started a college coarse, made a few new friends and gambling has seemed like a distant problem.
All the way through therapy my counsellor encouraged me to connect with people and I did not quite get it, Now that I have it has been great that is up until last night. It is funny how I always find ways to self sabotage, one of my new friends asked me for a job it placed that doubt in my mind that I thought people wanted to be friends with me because of my personality when really their ultimate goal was to seek employment. I guess the only real way to find out would be to say not at the moment sorry, and then see how things turn out.
Now I guess you are all wondering how this relates to gambling, well for the first time in a few weeks this got me really down last night and the first thing that came to my mind was to gamble. I did not gamble and although I have been busy today am finding it difficult not to, I will not gamble as I am not going to break almost 3 months of abstenance I cannot go back to that hell.
I guess whats bugging me is that I have to respond to this persons request and I want them to say sure if you can't help that's no problem. But we do not always get what we want. If they act differently towards me because I cant do what they ask then will I use this as an exscuse to return to gambling,I am worthless and therefore deserve to be punnished? I might be insane or you may think I am over thinking things and yes I probably am however this is what gets me into trouble. I want to stop making excuses and deal with things positive or negative and move on. Sounds so simple!!
Hmm stress and anxiety related triggers.
Reading this from the outside you are probably worrying too much there. You have to face things with confidence and not worry about human relationships. You have to explain things clearly and give the reason why. You could say I dont want this to spoil our friendship and help in other ways
To be honest I always had difficulty with human relationships. People used to latch on to me in a previous job. Some were nice and some I didnt have the bottle to weed out as not really my friends. I worry too much and get stressed by life situations. I am learning to overcome this
Isolation and depression lead to gambling so carry on being confident and getting as much as you can from your course
All the best
Hi zulu
It sounds like by getting your thoughts down you are getting some clarity.
I've just posted about how gambling is a means of avoiding difficult emotions. Its great you recognise that. Knowledge is power.
Best wishes
Louis
Good Afternoon,
Thanks for the replies. Louis I have read your post on avoiding emotions and you are spot on. Joydivder your situations at work with people sound a great deal like the people who latch onto me.
I decided to confront my new friend and explained my concerns about employing them and that I am usually a yes person and that I do not want to say yes just to employ them to stay friends with them. (if that makes sense).
I have asked to see their CV and that there are other people I might want to interview for the job so I cannot give them an answer as I have to take everyone on merit and be fair. The reaction has been good as they say they fully understand.
Without giving a word for word account I guess I allowed this to stress me out to the point I was considering gambling. When I look back today after being proactive and assertive, it is like I feel a bit stupid. However if I had of gambled because of this how much more angry and stupid would I be feeling right now?
So yes having an opportunity to express my thoughts and actually be aware of things and not act negatively towards them is a positive experience. Now that the matter is at hand I am not even the slightest bit interested in gambling today.
That does not mean that I have conquered all addiction to gambling, made that mistake before, but insead of making excuses to gamble I made an excuse not to and this is something I need to endevour to remember.
Thanks
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