I’m back after beating this addiction over and over again, dropped my guard nine weeks ago and again 3 days ago, I’m really not happy with myself,, i now live on my own and have done for the last year, only myself to account for,, I’ve been doing well and managing my money well but every time i build up a decent amount of money back up, i mess up,, yet i liked the feeling of not having to worry about what i spend without checking my bank before i spend, i liked it and i knew that it was because i wasn’t gambling,,, i look back and remember just how bad i was with this addiction, for decades gambling every time i had money in my pocket, ruining everything, it’s not like that now, but it’s in me to do it and I’m determined not to gamble anymore, not even small amounts or every couple of months,,, i never intended to go out and do it again, until the moment,,, triggered if you like, by watching racing on tv and picking out the winner’s? trouble in the family? Spending money and thinking “i better get some more in”, or the combination of many things, boredom, escape, drink,,, yes they are triggers, but i want to be bigger than that and see these triggers, understand them and what they can do, look at the consequences, and then rise above them all, because I’m better than that, .. Well i didn’t do too well a couple of months ago and again 3 days ago,, I’m not going to write off my mistakes, I’m not flippant about it, I’m taking it on and I’m not going to mess up again,, I’m not going to ignore this mess up because i don’t want it to repeat itself again and that’s up to me. Guard up.
Hello Bobbyj
Thank you for sharing this.
It sounds like your relationship with gambling has been long and difficult. But you’ve been able to overcome the harms it has brought to your life many times and I can hear your determination to take control once and for all.
It’s great to hear you’re trying to understand your triggers; this insight is really going to help you move forward. For example, you recognise that having money available is a high risk situation for you, so perhaps you could think about ways of managing any ‘spare’ money you have. You might be interested in the factsheets we have on our website around managing money.
If you’d like further support and to chat about your triggers, we would really encourage you to get in touch with our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 and/or our 1:1 Livechat (which are both open 24 hours every day).
I like that you’re seeing your mistakes as a way to help you keep going and as something to learn from.
Wishing you well,
Ellen
Forum Admin
@forum-admin thanks very much for your kind message and that has made me feel more responsible for my actions, i now feel a bigger responsibility to not let you down as well as myself . Thanks 👍
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