I expect these two experiences are fairly common.
1. Smoker / ashtray / disgust syndrome.
Smokers who have quit, at some point start to notice how disgusting the habit is. The nasty smell of rooms polluted by stale smoke. The filthy ashtrays. The cigarette burns in clothing. They recoil at the idea of ever smoking.
At the same time they occasionally get a little waft of the sensory part of it.. a bit of somebody’s freshly lit cig smoke drifts past their nostrils, and that old desire suddenly flickers up.
So with gambling. On the one hand I see adverts, like the relentless ads for web sites in the background of televised football, and I think “yuck! Bad place where sad people go to get miserable!”
And on the other hand, if I visualize certain sensory aspects of those web sites.. color, sound… I know there’s danger in that, so I’ll go no further.
2. It really does get better
More money available! I can buy small gifts for me or others!
More normal, open feelings! I can be present in human company and participate in it!
More free time, more energy! I can go places, and I’m not too exhausted to think of doing so!
I think this is important: to point out that there are good things that happen.
Behavioral science tells us that brains never learn from threats and punishment. I can yell at you all day about how continuing to gamble will hurt this and take away that -- and it won’t help your brain break out of its prison. But if I tell you “there is a really nice thing that you can get by quitting…” that could help you make the choice that will get you the good thing. And if you focus on the good things, when they happen, which they will, that helps keep you doing the right things instead of the wrong things.
Good things happen. Thanks for listening. Thanks for your past help.
Hi Dogfan, extremely well done on reaching six months; a superb achievement.
You are quite correct; what you are experiencing is fairly common, although everyone's feelings and experiences can vary.
I felt disgust for a long time - after a couple of years, I began to seperate myself emotionally from the person I was; the disgust seems to manifest itself into a sense of neutrality - I didn't feel anything when I saw the adverts, and the gambling itself felt like it was committed by another person.
Good things will happen indeed. It won't always be that way - there will be the odd dark mood or day but as long as you "ride the storm", tomorrow is almost always a better day.
Once you start on a positive path and experience all the joy and new-found happiness, you face a new enemy - complacency; literally hundreds upon hundreds of times on this website, I have seen the same thing; very similar posts saying "I felt so good that I thought I could take advantage of that free bet and......", you can imagine the rest.
I don't believe in the phrase that compuslive gamblers are never "cured"; but you have to continue to be honest with yourself and keep a watchful eye. You know your onions though Dogfan, I think you have a great understanding of your situation and I sincerely hope that you won't add to that statistic - I don't think you will personally but many people, arguably better than both of us, have done the same.
Well done again my friend. You deserve a lot of credit for getting as far as you have from that point where you were alone and depressed in that hotel room. Onwards and upwards - you can build on this and I hope to see more of your progress.
JamesP
Thanks, and spot on about the risks of complacency.
My two chief weapons against complacency
1. Diarying must continue, basically forever, even if it's just a jotted entry saying "i made an entry today and I'm okay and I haven't forgotten".
2. This statement as part of my permanent vocabulary:
-- "Gambling? Sorry, mates, I don't do that. It's just not something I can do."
Because I can't.
We'll done mate good on you. I'm 4 day's free from slots and I'm determined tomorrow will be day 5
What an achievement, half a year, its incredible to think of the scale of it, compared to what we all used to be like.
Really big congratulations.
Keep positive,
Really happy for you, Dogfan. I have every confidence in you.
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