Relapse for the 100th time

A lot of people go through it. 

Ive relapsed many times, I don't think the addiction will ever be gone but for now its not bothering me. I don't get tempted but I know I've been in this situation before and let me guard down and ended up gambling.

I wish you the best!! The 100th relapse doesn't always lead to a 101st relapse 😊 

@bm241pin5d 

Thank you very much! Keep it up, I am planning this time to stay free for good!

Hi

I got to understand my emotional triggers over time.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.

My emotional triggers were fears I could not face or reduce.

My emotional triggers were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My emotional triggers were boredom because I was not fully stimulated in getting things done.

My emotional triggers were due to my fear of emotional intimacy, pains in the past caused fears of emotional intimacy.

I have become aloner for several reasons.

By me having unreasonable expectations I was in effect causing my self  pains.

I now understand that any clean time can be lost we have lived it.

My desire for the adrenaline rush was very much high levels of fears.

I would get an adrenaline rush doing many different types of unhealthy habits.

Being to busy at work can also indicate obsessive behaviour.

I have fogottten the number of time I was on day 1.

The more important fact the longer I stuck with my recovery the more stable an balanced I became.

In time I healed my pains and become amuch healthier person.

I use to take my unhealthy habits and make them healthy habits. 

In time I gave up making promises I could not keep even to my self.

Just for today only I will not gamble.

By keep a diary is a commitment to my self and also I become more accountable and honest with my self at a deeper emotional level.

Giving my money away to complete strangers I was giving away my time.

By me feeling stronger and more committed I was abale to liest adn commit to my needs my wants and in time my goals.

In time every relapse became a lesson for me to learn from.

To change my unhealthy reactions to healthy interactions.

I stopped being aloner.

Do not give up faith or hope in your self.

Love and peace toe very one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham