Relapse...relapse...relapse. So Ive finally done it...blown all savings and now in 10K debt. Never imagined I would get to this place. Put the blocks in place but unfortunately a loophole...once the door was opened I couldnt stop myself. Not sure what path of self destruction I am on. There is only one way now...and thats forward. No more loop holes...everything tightened up so I cannot do this again.I am ruining my life and Im not sure why. Maybe I had to reach this stage...and back myself into a corner. I know in my heart of hearts that this is a progressive disease and it can always get worse. I didn't believe that a few days ago though when I emptied my bank account and ran up 10k credit card debt. Gutted...broken...devastated...emotionally drained. I work so hard I should be enjoying a comfortable life....but no...I just had to blow the lot. My future looks so empty...not sure how to start recovey, except for one day at a time. This is such a s**t illness. Not sure what has overcome me these last few weeks...its like an out of body experience...out of control completely.Its like im intentionally self harming for some reason. Didn't think Id have the guts to come back here and admit my aweful replapses but once again im glad I have...even if only to warn others....no matter how bad you think it is...it can and will ALWAYS get worse if you dont bloody stop this crazy behaviour. Enough. Ive got to beat this before it takes my life.
Hello valdab,
Welcome to the Forum. You acknowledge that problem gambling can only get worse. That is true if you don’t treat it. It sounds like you’ve struggling with this for a long time. Putting blocks in place is wise but you also need to look closer at your tendency to ‘self-destruct’. If this is what drives you to gamble to the point of losing every penny, then this needs treatment because it will manifest one way or another. We provide free counselling sessions to help you at this stage of your recovery so, I would encourage you to get in touch with an adviser and arrange to see a counsellor. Also, you may need to speak to a private therapist in the future and on an open-ended basis and aim to heal and change on a deeper level. Relapses are part of the recovery process and you can learn to use them to your advantage and learn something new about the addiction each time. I hope you pursue treatment and don’t continue to fight on your own. Advisers talk to many people every day and they can tell you things you may not have thought of before. Give it a go and take the next step forward by seeking support.
Wishing you all the best!
Forum Admin
Hi Valdab,
Get to your nearest GA meeting, as a compulsive gamlbler we have to realise we cannot do this alone and need support to tackle such a huge issue as a gmabling addiction. At GA meetings you will get support from fellow compulsive gamblers who are on a similar path. If you give as much time and effort to a recovery rogram as you did to gambling you will have a fighting chance.
Thank you...I have started seeing a councellor and I know it will be a long road ahead. With regards the self destuct button...yes this is definately something that needs to be addressed. I am only realising how sick I actually am right now..this has been manifesting for yers and years...so I believe the underlying lying causes run much deeper than I imagined. Painful times ahead...but hopefully better times too.
A word of caution, I too got coucelling but it was a temporary fix. GA was what turned me around, the main reason being is the best people who understand this issue are fellow compulsive gamblers. At GA you will get out of it what you put into it. If you are totally honest, take in the litrature and make the 12 step program and the meetings a part of your life it will really help you tackle this addiction. Best of luck with your recovery.
Help . I've been gambling hard for years its tearing me apart. I just can't help myself. Every single week im spending hundreds. When i win i keep telling myself thats it stop keep a couple of grand in the bank and never go back! But no losing absolute thousands. Mental health is non existant i just exsist.
Hi Dan178,
welcome to the Forum. You will find some good advice and kind support here from other Forum Users but you may also wish to contact one of our advisors for some one-to-one advice on our helpline 0808 8020 133 or through our Netline. It sounds from what you have described that you may be experiencing the 'wins and losses' cycle. I am concerned that you say your mental health is non-existant and that you just exist, perhaps also see your GP about those feelings as well as finding support here.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
small relapse after 109 days...brought on by junk mail reminder from website...very small amount of money lost...but big feeling of failure.(will use this as reminder of danger going forward) Doing well otherwise...good progress in last 3.5 months...keep on battling.
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