I used to feel as though it was important to win, important to play a machine and win big or generate a good profit from them. If i had a big win i felt like it meant something and that i had acheived something..... that was then, this is now.
Just over 6 months ago i began my recovery and have been clean all the way through. Yesterday I went to the local supermarket and did a week's shop for my family and when i got home such a feeling overcame me. I looked in my fridge, freezer and all cupboards and every shelf was full to the brim and i felt so proud of that. I knew that had i carried on doing what i had been doing before those shelves would be barely half full had i been left in charge. My first 6 months of recovery have really shown me the importance of an honest living and not cluttering it up with the what ifs of a chance on a slot machine.
Here is a thought for anyone who wishes to take it, be proud of you, be proud of what you have, be proud of what you do in life to achieve your goals. Don't fall victim to the false belief that the next spin could be the winner, be that person that your family looks at with pride, and love. Nothing fills you with more honour and dignity than that. The feeling you get when you know what you have worked hard for what you provide your loved ones with is far greater than that of the possibility of a cash win that will more than likely never come.
Believe in yourselves and respect yourselves, we are all stronger and more powerful than we truly realise, addiction has made us think otherwise, the truth is out there if you want it, i know i love knowing the truth and living my life how i do now i am cleansing myself of the evil of a gambling addiction.
Matty
Matt,
What a great post. Demonstrating what life is about, what it should be about. You recognise that this is a journey, in the same way that life itself is a journey. I believe you, too. Sometimes, I read posts and just 'know' that what I'm reading isn't true (with genuine sadness borne out of reality), because gamblers can con themselves; this is the deceptive nature of our addiction.
Keep going, Matt. You are doing great, my friend.
Mixer
I am seriously in love with the life i have had since i first came to terms with my addiction and been dealing with it. My fianceГ© and i are expecting a baby in June, my relationship with my children is fantastic and in general each thing i do in day to day life i am proud of. I am doing things homestly and acheiving so much more than i ever did when i was gambling.
People need to understand that admitting to addiction isn't anything to be ashamed of, letting people in and saying this is me is the biggest show of strength, i found this out and as i said am loving life. I wish to be able to help others find the answers and get the help to beat this horrible illness.
Beautiful Matty! Your little one , who is still inside, is feeling your good vibrations at this moment as you 'love life'. Keep spreading the joy. thanks. tara2
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