Hi,
My names Ben and ive been a problem gambler for the past two years now. Ive never actually sat down and properly shared my story start to present with anyone and feel now is a good time to do so. Ive been gambling since I was around 16 years old and it all started off placing small £3 - £5 bets on football accumulators. After about a year of having everything under control i slowly began to increase my betting, by increasing the stakes and also time spent online gambling too... I think the main reason for my betting was through boredom. It almost became an obsession, one that i denied was even an issue. I have a good job as an IT Consultant that i got into through a school leavers apprenticeship and everyone in work used to tell me that I had a problem, or the potential to have a problem just by the amount of talking i did with it and my stories of big winners although nobody realised how much I actually was losing too. My parents warned me of the dangers of gambling as i have a close family member that has been a "big" gambler and have almost lost everything through it. As my gamlbing and losing persisted i found myself slowly getting into more and more debt. I wouldnt want to spend any money whatsoever on anything else other than betting and ran up 3k debt on a corporate AMEX card i was using for general spending as my own money was purely gambling funds. I hit a winning streak through these £20-£1000 challenge bets and had won £3000 from this in the space of a month, but this was soon lost and i got in more and more debt trying to win back what id lost. Im in around £9000 debt from my gambling i have large overdrafts, credit cards maxed out and loans as well. However in January year realisation truly hit... Id just returned from london with my girlfriend over the Christmas/New Year period, a trip that I had to get a loan for as i had gambled all the planned spending money for the trip. The gambling was always a secret and only i knew the extent of it. At the end of January I had a fallout with the person id loaned money from and he demanded the 2K back immediately. I told him that this wasnt possible and would need to stick to the orignal 4 month payback time. He never replied to that and the next day he had messaged my girlfriend and told her that i loaned money from him to pay off gambling debt, however he never told her how much debt i was really in that i had confided in him. She was devastated, the fact that everything since the day we met was a lie, that all the money is spent on her was all loaned money from overdrafts,loans etc althoguh she never knew the full extent of the debt. I promised that gambling was a thing of the past and everything was going to be better that id give up and can move forward. However this only lasted a few days and i fell back into the gambling spiral again. She was constantly asking and I was always lying straight to her face and my families face that id been clean from it since early January. I was continuously loaning money from my parents each month to get through and this raised suspisicons with them too. Last month me and my girlfriend had a fallout and she texted my mum the following day to apologise. My mums return message had the sentence "pay all his debts" this rang alarm bells with my girlfriend as far as she was concerend there was only one more 500 pound payment to go and that was it cleared. She questioned and questioned me and i finally opened up. This was the best thing id ever done, to open up and just tell someone the complete truth... no more lies. She has been totally amazing with the news and really wants to help me. She now has visibility over my bank account and makes a monthly budget for me and ensures i stick to it. Ive now been 31 days gamble free and each day is just getting easier and easier. It still comes into my head the odd time, but im commited to paying all my debt through the DMP i have set up. I just cant wait to be eventually debt free and leave gambling behind me for good. Im feeling so much better these days and this will be the first month in as long as i can remember that i will manage myself without loaning from family. Im hoping it will continue to get easier but i will never let my guard down.
Hi Ben & great work on your 1st month 🙂
Hat off to your girlfriend who is helping you to put gambling where it belongs...In the past! It does get easier but as the diaries prove, you are right, you can never let your guard down...Never may seem like a very long time but it's worth every second! This is a great place to come if the urges strike!
Keep doing what you are doing - ODAAT
Hi Ben. Read your post and it's good to see that you are in recovery and sticking at it. I'm in a similar position to yourself. I've managed to rack up just under £9000 in debt most of which is FOBT roulette and online roulette. Have sought help from family and friends and despite knowing I have issues I have continually fallen off the wagon. Find it hard to cope with the guilt of what I've lost. My situation is redeemable but I just can't seem to keep off the machines. I chatted to my girlfriend about things and told her that I lost £500 in an hour yesterday. Although I felt embarassed and ashamed to tell her, at the same time it felt a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in telling her. I don't want to have any lies and I've broken promises in the past. Want this to be the end and hope I can follow your example. Keep up the good work.
Well done Ben! Stick with it. Keep reading this forum. Remember that not even a £10 bet is ok, because it will get out of control once you lose! Good luck!
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