Tricky situation

Good morning all,

I am a compulsive gambler, and have been in recovery for about 6 months now. I have put into place changes in my life to improve the quality of it, and there have been some very positive outcomes.

Just recently I have discovered that my partner has been gambling excessively for the last three months and not told me. The usual behaviours are all there lying, hiding, excuses 'they give me free bonuses everyday'. My partner never has any money and tries to get more out of me and becomes aggressive and brings up my doggy past when I say no.

The other day I wanted to do something positive together and planned a day out of which are few and far between at the moment due to long work days, we walked past an arcade and that was it! I refused to go in because I was afraid of what might happen. My partner was determined to go in even though my struggle to this addiction is well understood and talked about between us. I stayed outside in the hot sun and waited. Every now and then I would be asked for money ,'just a bit more' . I did not want to give money and usually do not, however when I was saying no an argument started to develop and to avoid public humiliation I gave in to the money requests.

Eventually my daily reserve dried up and we had to go home. A great day out, not!!

I am so angry with myself at the moment because I feel like a hypocrite placing demands or ultimatums on my partner. I was never forced into recovery I made a conscious decision, I was on the brink of suicide and made what I believe to be the right choice and chose to get help as I was out of control. I know no -one can force another into seeking help which makes me even more frustrated.

I am just so confused right now, I am trying to apply all the things I have learnt during counselling to think as straight and as positive as I possibly can. I suppose the worse thing is that I feel betrayed and yet have to accept this because I was the betrayer before. How long before things are even? Should I even be thinking like this I am not sure.

In moments of brief weakness thoughts have come into my head that maybe I can just have a brief go while waiting, however thankfully up until now I have not given in. My plan is not too, even though temptation is very close to home and no-one would care if I went back gambling, I have to keep straight for myself.

Any advise or help would be appreciated.

Thanks