Triggers

I have just see the Joe Vitale video and it is very interesting indeed. To start with "I love you" as a four mantra internal chant or dialogue is I feel the depth needed. 

I cant really describe it as well as he does.  It looks like something I could work with and I will learn more.

Best wishes

Chris, thanks for the mention. I appreciate your kindness. I have had a rather uneventful 2 years in terms of urges up until late Feb and it all kicked off. I can't help but relate my urges to the intensity of what's going off in the world right now because I really had focus and motivation prior to the virus which has since rocked my world with uncertainty and undermined a lot of what I have tried to rebuild these last two years.

I crave nature. That is what I really want out of life. In nature, I find peace and balance and the one thing I really depend upon to keep gambling far from my mind is to be engaged in walks, hikes and just out in the wilds, doing my thing. Not being able to get out into nature has really moved the goal posts in terms of my gambling urges and after doing so well prior to this lockdown. I had been working hard and doing meditation, exercising daily and practising Mindfulness and felt a real sense of calm and control come back into my life. Then it all went pear shaped these last two months. The unsettled feeling, discontent and uneasiness came back. The guilt came back and the depression hit hard.

I relate to a lot of the twelve steps, and can see how this can really help to rebuild oneself. I have tried to work through the steps, but I often am guilty of just shutting out bad thoughts and feelings instead of really addressing them and moving on. Hence, I carry around a lot of unresolved issues. I guess what it comes down to, is I am afraid to rock the boat. I worry about being volatile, about relapse. I just try to keep going, work hard, keep busy and hope for the best whilst only really scratching the surface when it comes to really resolving my issues. This last two months have proved that I can't plaster over the past and I need to deal with it or the issues will continue to come up every time I am under pressure or am stressed.

What you say is true, because giving up gambling didn't solve my problems because gambling was only a symptom of the true problem which was me. I have always known that and I have accepted that from the start. I have focused far too much on just giving up gambling because of the dire financial consequences that I brought upon my family and so I don't pay so much attention to myself because I am always trying to hold 3 other heads above water and just keep everybody going. My situation is such that I have similar debt as when I was betting, despite working so hard and paying off so much money. The debt is owed to credit cards and so the interest is punishing. We also lost nearly half our income shortly after I pledged to give up gambling which was a real kick in the teeth, but I held strong and kept my promise not to gamble. However, what it meant was that I am always so taken up with just surviving that I can never focus really on living.

I suppose what I mean is that I cannot really enjoy the life of a non gambler because the problems I made are still with me every single day and continue to torment me and occupy my mind. I get texts most days from the banks to tell me there isn't enough funds to cover payments so despite everything I do, I am worse off now than when I was gambling and I am still stressed because I have so much immediate worry and concern in my life. 

All I want is peace, I don't want money but I would like not to owe it. I guess it would be nice to have a clean slate but that's not coming any time soon. If I could just get the space I need to work on myself, and feel the benefits of leaving gambling behind, then I feel I could finally be free from this addiction. 

Hi Chris.

I must admit I am always looking for the magic pill or potion that may stop or kill the impulse to gamble in its tracks. I am however also reading Russel Brands take on the twelve-step method. It is one of the few treatments with an impeccable track record and I have nothing but respect for how powerful it is. It builds on a complete lifestyle change and it gets you to know yourself on another level. The urge of finding quick fixes comes from knowing myself and how little I wanted to change my life earlier. Hell, it is still something I am fighting with even today. I eventually started to change but it was only made possible by going through a number of sh.t storms.

Many who pass through here do not manage that personal change as they are so programmed by society and media to continue what they do and these people either perish or have so long term damage that they have a hard time getting back up again. So naturally, my mind goes could there be a faster way? That is why I started to get into alternative healing and hypnosis. I have to see for myself and try and find those truths. Hopefully, there will be some answers to these questions soon.

Hi c43h,

I just wanted to say that I admire your desire to find the cause and solution to your situation. You really remind me of myself with my years of wanting to know why and trying all different types of recovery methods. I believe all the things I tried such as 12 steps, CBT, person centred therapy, gestalt therapy, psychoanalytical therapy, EMDR therapy and finally childhood healing therapy brought something positive to my life but the real shift for me happened when I read the John Bradshaw book "home coming". It is about championing the inner child so that you feel complete as a person so that the void and emptiness doesn't need filling with something destructive. It took me on a journey of my earliest years through to adulthood. It highlighted specifically what I needed at each stage, which I could then use to heal. I began to realise how lacking my childhood was and how that impacted on my sense of self.

I used this book alongside improving my emotional literacy skills so that I was able to release any internalized emotions/feelings that I had and also start working on the loving and caring bond with my inner child who for so long felt abandoned, rejected and disliked. 

My journey with this has taken years and has not been without great sadness, tears and anger. I believe it has been the release of these emotions that has helped me heal from the in side out. 

If you or anyone else did choose to embark on a healing process that takes a deep look in to early stages of development I strongly recommend that it is done with someone who is qualified in this field because it's extremely possible that it could be very overwhelming and lead back to relapse when dealing with trauma. 

Never give up on this journey because what I have and what I have helped others achieve is miraculous.

When you discover something that doesn't work you are one step closer to finding something that does! 

Thanks for a great topic.

Kind regards

Walliss77...Thank you for what you wrote, Its exactly how would have put my story, not a pretty picture but at least we aren't alone. Good luck with your journey. xx