I went 146 days - no deposits! No stress, enjoyed sports again
Then Boxing Day I told myself just “one” day and then I’d put the stops and controls back…
3 weeks on…
EVERY Saturday since, multiple deposits and withdrawals, I sit on the sofa 10-5pm and literally don’t do anything but gamble - often on races I don’t care for and football matches - pure guess work on goals and conrners.
I then get to 5pm and simply think - what a waste. Last week I lost £130 across many transactions, today “won” but don’t feel any happier than last week, in fact I don’t feel much different…
So, what is the actual point? Literally why do I do this?
well, I am not, controls and blocks back on bank account. It worked for 146 days before, now I can go even further! Tomw, “Day 1”
Thanks for reading.
What's the point of feeding any addiction, mainly it is because we are not in control of our illness mid addiction. When in the bookies I didn't care if I won or lost towards the end of my 25 year addiction, sometimes consciously losing everything in my wallet before heading home, regardless of whether I was up or down at the time. I could be up and I would put it all on a single bet. And then in the car, screaming insults at myself until I got home, usually with a c**P present for my wife to take the heat from another all day bookie binge. And then spend the evening thinking about how to win it back. Disastrous lifestyle for a professional well paid person. Well done on getting back on track, keep it going, it can be done. I am gamble free for a decent amount of time and love life again.
Well said Faith,
Been there, done that.
Glad You're Still Around
AL
Hi
Why go to meetings today after being in recovery since 1969.
Well I thought that if I stopped gambling I would be happy.
By stopping my very unhealthy addictions and obsessions helped me heal the hurt inner child in me.
By going to meetings today I stop working for nothing and giving away my hard eraned money.
My very unhealthy addictions and obsessions just indciated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
I use to do most things reluctantly.
I use to say to my self I have to.
I use to live in fear and on the edge of my fears for so long.
Every time I broke out indicated that I had not resolved my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears nto faced or reduced, my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my boredom, and feeling lonely and isolated.
For me the rrecovery programme helped me face my self.
Only when I could respect my self could I respect others.
Only when I got honest with my self could I get more honest with others.
Money was never an emotional trigger for me.
Money was just the fuek for my addiction.
Even today I heal my pains.
Even today I can achieve so much more in my life.
It feels good to become more motivated fulfilling my needs my wants and my ever growing goals.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
@faith-777 i was exactly the same winning didnt matter, the money never felt mine it felt dirty, i felt i was robbing someone elses money and most of it would go back and i would lose more in the process it not only cost me financially it cost me time which i would never get back, happiness comes from within and take each day as it comes, gambling is one of the problems their are people i personally know who have never gambled or had any form of addiction yet they are still unhappy, you have to love yourself and look after yourself addiction ot no addiction and everything will fit into place?
Hi
The simple fact is you do not loose clean time.
Each time we go back to our addictions obsessions is the time to understand our emotional triggers.
No matter when our last bet keep going back to meetings.
To the meetings your last bet is not what counts, but you being there is very important.
As you get healthier you will value your self even more.
You will learn to not give up on your self.
You will learn to love your self.
You will learn to respect your self.
You will learn to forgive your self.
You will learn to heal your self and your hurt inner child.
You will learn also the most important day is today.
Love and peace to you.
Dave L
Dave of Beckenham
You do one of these posts virtually every week expecting there to be some sort of alternative outcome
You know you will waste money , you know you will lose
You are even telling yourself you aren't enjoying it
Hi
I found thinking that my addiction was the most exciting in my life was not true.
In time I understtod the buzz was due to an adrenaline rush, the bigger teh risk the bigger the rush.
Sadly telling lies was very uch adrenaline based.
Even my driving was risk taking because I did not respect my self.
The gambling addiction was a way of me escaping from my self and my feelings and emotions.
The gambling addiction was a way of me taking up unhealthy habits which were unhealthy and self destructive.
Money was never going to heal my pains.
Money on its own was never going to make me happy or content.
Each break out is a lesson if you want to learn from that last.
Life just for today is about exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Dave L
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