what the f**k is wrong with me????

read your post, you are not alone

thank you stephen, means a lot right now. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get over this one. So many times I've found a little charm to carry with me to remind me, or a thought to remind myself why not to.

Bah! It's all b******P. I'm just a greedy c*nt and now I'm about to pay the ultimate price

Hi Molehole

You wrote..."Don't tell me to install gamblock on my laptop and hand over my finances. With respect, that's all ****** to paper over the cracks. I'm still not even sure I HAVE a gambling addiction"

And that is your problem. Blocking software is an aid to help prevent gambling. You refused to use it, and this is the result.

If you don't think that you have a gambling problem, I would suggest that you visit the GA website and test yourself on the 20 question quiz, or try the self assessment under the GET ADVICE heading at the top of this page. Until a CG admits that he/she has a problem and wants to stop gambling, they won't.

BTW. This is an open forum. You get as much respect as you give, so please refrain from swearing. The title of your thread might indicate how you feel but there are other words to that you could use to reflect that.

wal1957 wrote:

Hi Molehole

You wrote..."Don't tell me to install gamblock on my laptop and hand over my finances. With respect, that's all ****** to paper over the cracks. I'm still not even sure I HAVE a gambling addiction"

And that is your problem. Blocking software is an aid to help prevent gambling. You refused to use it, and this is the result.

If you don't think that you have a gambling problem, I would suggest that you visit the GA website and test yourself on the 20 question quiz, or try the self assessment under the GET ADVICE heading at the top of this page. Until a CG admits that he/she has a problem and wants to stop gambling, they won't.

BTW. This is an open forum. You get as much respect as you give, so please refrain from swearing. The title of your thread might indicate how you feel but there are other words to that you could use to reflect that.

wal1957 - don't tell me not to swear right now, I've just lost everything AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. Every penny I ever had, every shred of dignity and self respect. If your only problem is about people using cuss words then I'd say you're in the wrong place mate go look on mumsnet.

I'm about to kill myself. Forgive me if I say "f**k s**t" Jesus no understanding at all. DOn't comment if that's your mindset

Molehole hope you managed to get some sleep last night. Been there myself with losing it all, the sleepless nights and the having to beg steal and borrow to try and get by.

Get yourself up this morning. Get a wash. Get a bite to eat. Sit down and make a plan on how to get back on track and commit to it. I'm a firm believer that money isn't everything in life (I need to be cos I never have much of it haha). I'm sure there must be someone you can confide in whether that be friends, family, ringing gamcare or continuing to post here. It's completely understandable how frustrated you are now and how angry you are with yourself but you've recognised the need to address some issues now. Hope you post again letting us know how things are going. If you are contemplating suicide or feel like that pick up the phone and ring the Samaritans or Lifeline or someone like that man. You aren't the only one to feel that way mate. Many of us have been there where it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. But trust me man. Look after yourself, make a plan to get back on track, commit to it and you'll see the light eventually

Molehole

If you're feeling suicidal it's crucial that you get help for that urgently. If you haven't already, please take the advice of forum users and call the Samaritans on 08457 909090, and go to your GP.

We are also here to help you get back on track after this lapse. Please call us on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the Netline if you prefer:

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline

We're here 8am-midnight every day.

Take care

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Wishing you all the best. Stay strong and believe in yourself

Gambling addiction when it gets to the worst of us doesn't make any sense

Its not logical that I'd hurt those I love, throw all money away on the toss of a coin or commit immoral acts to gamble but that's what i've done and continue to think about doing.

The solution isn't easy either. There's no little pill but there's actions you haven't taken yet.

Wish i could say you've reached that worst place and it can't get worse but it can as clearly you're still breathing

It wasn't until I got help and kept getting help that life started to get better

Sorry that you're struggling Molehole

Molehole hope you're feeling better

David1964 wrote:

Molehole - I feel exactly the same way. I was also made redundant with a pension pay off and I lost the lot. I've installed gamblock and excluded and yes maybe it has stopped me but it's not addressing the root cause. I spent Sunday morning sat on the ledge of a multi story car park. I also came to the conclusion it's not just a gambling problem I have but something much deeper. So I went to my GP and ended up in tears explaining the situation. The result is I am to speak to a councilor but it will take 2 to 5 months.

Please do not feel alone for I am in the same boat. Lots of people on this site try to help but in truth it's only support. There is no help we are alone and nobody cares. The betting companys are allowed to bleed us dry and no legislation is ever proposed to limit the appeal of gambling. It's a total disgrace that smokers and drug addicts are given support to quit and yet bookmakers are allowed to advertise offering free bets to draw in more losers.

I've had suicidal thoughts which then changed to thoughts of anger against the system. Truth is I won't change it and neither will you we are just victims and nobody cares or ever will care.

I am unable to offer advice or I'd have taken it myself. Maybe things look bleak now but when we both find employment at least it's a chance to rebuild. It's not good advice but at the moment it's the tiny thread of hope that is keeping me alive.

I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world and I really do hope you come through this.

David

Thanks David. (thanks everyone who replied too) But David your post really helped me out. I know you get it.

I'm alright, I'm still here.

I'm still f*****g raw and angry, still feel a strong dislike for myself every time I go for a shave and stare at myself in the mirror. I haven't had a bet since Monday night, and I won't. I've gone years without a bet. But every now and then something happens, even if it's a 3 year gap. I don't know how to guard against s**t like that?

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for being there in my perfect storm of emotional distress. I hope I won't get to that place again, but if I do I'll post back. Sincerely thank you. M

Good to hear from you molehole. Came on to see if you've posted. Hope things start to look for you soon

Evening all! I'm feeling very tempted right now, so rather than give in I thought I'd come on here and vent my gambling energy. Apologies if I offend anyone with strong language or uncomfortable thoughts, but truth is I'm writing this for me right now not you.

I've done some long hard thinking since my massive personal meltdown a few weeks ago. I'm now at a safe enough distance to look back and see it for what it was, without the red mist.

I nearly killed myself. I honestly nearly killed myself.

Nothing in my 40 year's experience has ever brought me so low (and believe me I've seen and done some terrible things in my life that I'm not proud of), but nothing comes close to the feeling of having lost everything it took me years to save in under 20 minutes on online roulette.

So, my conclusions (for what it's worth) - FOBT's online and in shops actually need to be banned. I hate censorship on any level - films, books, speech, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. It's a rocky road - especially in this new Left-Wing PC world where anything you say against this "celebrated wonderful multi-cultural, feminist, islam, mental illness paradise" is immediately shut down as a "Thought-Crime". As a society we now have more fear of being called racist, homophobic, ableist, islamophobic, etc, *insert label here...*, than physically being a murderer or armed robber! But I digress, my point is I don't agree with banning things or censorship.

However,

I've gambled for about 25 years. I gambled "happily" for about 18 years on fruit machines, dogs, football, horses, lottery. In those 18 years I probably lost about £500 but had a great night doing it with friends. Then I discovered FOBT roulette and in the 7 years since then I've probably lost about £90,000 and many times been hanging over the f*****g abyss emotionally and financially.

There's something wrong with this. I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for my own failings with it. But at the same time, these machines/websites have been designed to prey on every psychological trigger - near misses, big wins to start, small wins next to the number you covered just enough to keep you going, etc. I don't need to tell you.

I read in the news today that the government are planning to ban "legal highs" because about 50 people died in the last 10 years and we can't have people getting psychedelic and having a good time. The Daily Mail reader loves that s**t - ban the drugs!!!! Why isn't it the same with FOBT's? How many more deaths have these bastad machines caused - and the poor saps that played them didn't even have a good time doing it!

If anyone can direct me to a petition or campaign to ban specifically online roulette/fobts then I will sign and dedicate as much time as I can to get them banned. They are wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, I feel better now for getting this out. Thanks for listening and I wish you all strength and self-awareness in your personal struggle.

Molehole.

i agree with every word but with gambling in general. its not regulated enough because the government make lots of money from it. everywhere i look there are adverts for it, its in our face. we arent allowed to continue to drink to excess if a barperson sees we are drunk. we cant even walk into a shop and buy more than one packet of pills, yhet we are allowed to deposit money we can ill afford hundreds of times in a day. we are also given the "luxery" of cancelling any withdrawels we do make with the only benefot being of playing it back. the whole thing stinks. its preys on peoples vulnerability and you are so right in what you say that gambling has most likely contributed to many more deaths than most other things possible x

I totally agree gambling should be much moee regulated. It beggars belief that online you only need to show id to withdraw! I could open 100 accounts in a day if i wanted with no limit on deposits! I know you can set your own limits but gamblers are gamblers...