Hi. My post has no general topic and just at my rock bottom I think and have no one to talk to. Feel seriously ill just. I haven t gambled in just over 2 years which was gd. I had prevoius lost thousands in the years before that and just honestly dont no why I do this to myself. Im ashamed of my actions. Since fri iv being betting and dont even really no how much iv lost think its about 1700 in 2 days. All money I had in the world which isnt much anyway. Its not even the money just simple fact I promised a certain someone I wouldnt and I broke that promise. Im not a bad person im kind etc always think of others never fight with anyone but in last 2 days Iv been selfish really selfish. What makes matters worse is my gf had an ex who stole of her and I honestly just felt shed be better of without me so I told her I had gambled loads of money and that we should go our seperate ways. Really big mistake but I had to cause I loved her so much. I just cba now without her I feel lost. I feel iv lost the only girl iv ever loved due to gambling and its pretty hard to take. Shes a lovely girl so kind and sweet and beutiful but I never thought of her when I was gambling again. We planned to go away next month but obviously thats not happening. I broke her heart. My gambling has never effect our relationship until weekend just past iv never gambled when iv been with her. Words can not decribe the pain I fell tears are hitting the keyboard as I type this. I have no idea why I do this to myself really honestly must be fckn crazy. Im gonna through my laptop in the bin. Get my card changed to a cash card only so cant go online. Bookies im just not into them so no prob there. My gambling has always been in secret. Iv been to a bookies once and I never liked it. Plus I play poker when I do gamble but roullette is the thing thats really killed me. Its like the *** C*****e of gambling. Everyone who reads this plz plz plz jusy hope and prey I can stop because if I dont I will just eventually say f*k it and just of a bridge and il be dead. Iv never ever stole to fund gambling its always been my own money. Most I ever won was 106k and spent that all gambling so theres just no point in it even if I win I cant win. Sorry for rambling I really need to just be with someone but im on my own and aint gonna lie for first time in my life im scared. Im a loser because of gambling. Plz plz hope and prey I stop. As for the girl I was gonna eventually ask to marry me shes gone definatly for sure and dont blame her but im not a lier and I had to tell her I had gambled again. I broke her heart. Really really just feel empty so empty its unbelievable. Any advise would be much appreciated. Thanks
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Hi normality,
I'm the girlfriend of a gambler and was really moved by your post.
I'm new to all of this and know very little about the addiction but I feel I'm learning fast.
I just wanted to comment on the relationship that you say you've lost with your girlfriend. You're clearly very upset at losing her. I know how much this addiction hurts from the partners side but I feel you should fight for her. You sound like you want to quit again after this recent episode so prove that to her. If you love her as much as you say then don't give up.
I want my partner to quit and then fight to rebuild our relationship but I don't think he ever will. My post comes purely from a girls perspective and a girl that loves a compulsive gambler.
Let the dust settle and only if you're 100% sure you'll quit then go get your girl.
Either way, good luck and tomorrow is a new day and a new start. The only way is up.
Thanks for the reply. Reading that bk its like someelse wrote it sounds weird. Im alot better even after one day from writing that. Was kinda nagging the girl last night just txing her loads of pointless stuff which i shouldnt of. I was so lonely i phoned her but she wouldnt speak to me. Last night I no it sounds stupid but I really needed someone to talk to not even talk to just be with. I just needed company anyone dident matter who it and had no one. Never ever been like that before I can quite happly be on my own and enjoy my own company. Just have to remember what I felt last night and if I gamble I will feel like that again.As for the gambling I dont really care il always remember how that makes me feel. Il never forget last nights feeling. Just cause I went bk to it. Gd positives is that it was my own money and not in debt cause of it. And im due a check for 1.5k soon which I totally forgot about so gonna do somethimg with it instead of wasting it. Il pretty much be bk to normal money wise by end of the month. Gamblings not my only problem I use to smoke loads of weed and I smoke too so im just gonna say f*k it and battle all 3 at once. f*k f**s f*k weed and definalty f*k gambling. 3 things that were basically killing me and this was a wake up call never let my gaurd down and if i feel like smoking or gambling just remember how it makes you feel and just go do something else. Thanks robert I wasent generally speaking to you just rambling again. No I couldnt go to the gp what for them to just say her take this it will make you feel better na I can do it on my own
Thanks mac. Na shes gone im not gonna harass here.Take care
You sound more positive now which is the main thing.
Look after yourself.
Thanks for replying to my post. Much appreciated. Sorry I have no advice for you though lol
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