18TH JAN 2013 - Time to let go.

Thank you Blondie.

Feb.xx

Hi Feb,

U r doing brilliant, it is gr8 2 read and gives me hope 🙂

U should be so proud of urself!

Have a gr8 day xx

Thanks Charlotte. Lovely to hear from you again.

Take care.

Feb.x

Hey LF

Thanks for post! I hope things are OK at home.

Catch up soon!

Take care

Irene

x

WEEK 31. DAY 210 - It's another week of NO Gambling.

As I am not writing in here as much lately, I did promise myself and as one of my mini goals, told myself that I would update my diary every Saturday at the very least to mark another new week of being free from gambling. Well then, I have been so busy with one thing and another and yesterday, I was out early and went to the Southport Flower Show with my sis and her friend (yes, in the pouring down rain)!! We did have a good time though and thoroughly enjoyed our fish and chips under a marquee watching the rain!!

The point I am leading to is that the weeks have been passing by so quickly and this Saturday, I was so busy doing one of the things I am now enjoying, which was going out enjoying myself and SPENDING MONEY, that I had no time wotsoever to write up in my diary. I was worn out in the evening with one thing and another that I did not have the energy to catch up then.

So diary, I apologise for my absence yesterday but will be back next Saturday, if not sooner. Even though I may not write daily anymore, I do still however, catch up on other peoples diaries and will still read new members intros. This acts as a good reminder to me of how life was whilst gambling and how it felt at its very worst!!

Pay day Tuesday!! This has come round so quickly and again, I am not desperate for it to arrive into my bank account which is great.

Take care all and have a lovely gamble free week.

Feb - Happy to still be on "The Bright Side of the Road".

Hey Feb,

You don't have to feel sorry you not as active on here anymore. You gifted yourself the freedom, your life openned up, you enjoy yourself! It is fantastic! I am so proud of you, and i'm glad you taking your life for the full.

You are such a fantastic support, and i'm more than happy for you for going strong and achieving your goals 🙂

We won't go anywhere, and i defo will wait for updates from you...even once a week 🙂

You go girl!

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra. That was a lovely thing to say on my diary. Much appreciated.

Take care.

Feb.

Hey LF

I totally understand the stuff about irregular posting- its increasingly difficult when "real life" takes over. Its fantastic to see!

Anyhow, mega congrats on the progress.

Take care my friend

Irene

x

Hey LF,

I have decided not to be as active on here as I was too, but i still feel a massive connection with my friends on here, i still try and do the chat when i can so hope to catch you on there soon.....keep up the fantastic work and keep chomping choccy!!

Phil

x

A MOMENT OF MADNESS AND THEN IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN - 21ST AUGUST 2013........

Well this post may shock some and it has certainly shocked me that I am having to write it. This is how the story goes......

Tuesday evening, I fell asleep on the couch. I was woken up by the flashing light on my mobile displaying an email from a betting site telling me that If I joined, they would match my deposit by 100%. Upon reading this, I thought "right, it's time for bed" Normally when I have had these messages/emails I have just swiftly pressed the delete button ( I have never gambled on my mobile on anything virtual before as this is what I mostly used to gamble on). This time however, I let my thoughts wonder a little more....... The rest as they say is history and to cut a long story short, I gambled - lots of money!!

Am I disappointed? - no. (I had gone 200+ days, just over 7 months gamble free). Am I sad? - YES, VERY.

What have I learnt from this?

I will never win because I ultimately lose any winnings I receive.

I am still vulnerable to triggers. (I can identify what the trigger was for this happening).

Gambling gives me knots in my stomach which I haven't had for 7 months.

I am happier when I am striving to sort things out bit by bit with what money I have rather than gambling for extra.

What am I going to do about it?

I rang a Gamcare advisor the following evening for a chat and to enquire about having my mobile phone blocked. (I have now put a block on my phone).

I am going to continue to do what I have been doing for the past 7 months which is to remain strong and resilient and keep "chipping away"

I am not frightened/worried that I am going to do it again.

This experience has not made me think I am weak, rather, it has just confirmed that If I gamble, I will only lose anyway, every time. I have got to nip this in the bud as quickly as the thought came into my head to gamble and let any thoughts of sadness be replaced with commitment and tenacity and to continue to do what I have been doing before this happened.

I have had some time to reflect and consider my options with regards to my finances until next payday. I will survive but I want this to be a harsh reminder that I do not want to "JUST SURVIVE" any more. I want to continue to become happier again and do the things I used to do before gambling took a hold.

I am looking at this as one evening out of 200+ days. It's not what I wanted but still, one day out of 200+ days - a moment of madness shall I say.

I am not changing the date on my original heading as I have decided that this is when I first started my recovery with just the one lapse. I think though instead, I am going to count the weeks as I had come so far so week one started yesterday.

That's pretty much it folks. I know I have been an inspiration to some on here and to those people, I very much apologise. I will show you all however, that I am still strong and tenacious.

Take care all.

Feb - Week One and straight back onto "The bright Side of the Road".

Feb,

Wow. Thanks for your honesty... a really heart-felt, but incredibly considered post. I could sit here spouting advice to you, but everything you've written above is utterly true: this is a slip; a lapse; a short moment of madness among 7 months hard work and progress.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

One thing I've noticed is that the further down this road I travel, the quicker I'm able to step back and steady myself back onto a sensible path following a slip. You know that you'll never win - and evidently that's empowering you. Be vigilent over the coming days...and you'll soon be back on the right track.

All the best

D123

Hey Feb,

You are even bigger inspiration for me now..Slips happens, that's why i never say never. You got up straight away, thinking what a f***! Fantastic girl, credit for you.

It is not easy road, but s**t does hit the roof now and again...i would of slipped many times until now, if not blocks on computer...and i still do get emails and offers and can spend quite a while going over them...reasoning with myself. it's simply disease and no matter how many blocks you have it all can change in a matter of seconds.

Keep it up girl, you can only learn and get stronger!

Day at a time

Keep posting

Sandra x

Hey Feb

I know that was hard- well done x

Irene

x

Hey Feb, sorry to hear about the slip but we have all been there and it will make you stronger. Well done for putting the block on your phone - that will really help. Take care and keep strong xxx

WED 21ST AUG - WEEK 1.

Thanks lovely people for your kind words and support.

I just wanted to put the date in so I can look back to see where week one starts - now I will be counting in weeks from now on.

Feeling stronger again by the hour.

Take care all.

Feb - Nicely settled back on "The Bright Side of the Road".