1st steps

Great to see you posting on here, am pleased that you are so positive. One of the hardest things for me was how nasty you would be if you couldn't get money. I now know why, but at the time it was terribly hurtful and upsetting, almost as though you felt you had the right to demand money whenever you wanted it - and always with a huge, convoluted story attached to it! Now we are open and honest, I will manage your money and make sure you have all the basics you need but if there is even a suspicion of gambling, I will be a lot tougher than I ever was - because now I know about it. I thought you just spent all your money on clothes, after shave etc etc and generally lived beyond your means! Well done on your 2 weeks abstinence! xxx

I am so pleased to read this as I have followed your story since your mum 'veryworriedmum' first posted. You sound a positive as I did ( and many others do ) after three weeks ,five weeks , three months five months and so on. Please try to remember that one moments complacency can be the killer, there are many eg's on here so read a few just to refresh how easy it is to Fup. If nothing else it will strenghen your resolve.

Take Good Care Man

I read a few diaries everyday dont post too much. I'm feeling really good now and 3 weeks tomorrow has to be my record. It is a record I will break everyday though as I am being v stubborn and strong minded and refuse ever to bet again. I'm going for a nice meal with the person that has helped me on this journey tonight and I look forward to it. 3 weeks tomorrow and long may it continue. Finding that I have lot's of things I want and need to do with the extra time I have on my hands that previously would have been wasted in the hell hole. Not to worry though as onwards and upwards....

ManCity, you have helped such a lot with your replies and comments and I am so grateful to know that there are others out there wanting us to succeed. It is my birthday today and I went for a meal with 2 of my sons last night. For the first time I think my 26 year old son is free from the cloud of lies and deceit that he always dragged with him. I think it will take him time to find out who he really is and hwo he wants to live and fill his spare time now. Before, every spare minute was spent chasing the elusive win - even time when he should have been in work. I am happy managing his finances (very tightly for now) and he is happy knowing that we are all looking out for him and making sure he stays on the right track. Thank you again for taking the time to post. I am so proud of his commitment and his determination - hope he can sustain it.

x

3 weeks today. Not a single bet and I have never been so happy. My life is just beginning and it feels good. I'mstarting to get to know myself and also the people I left behind whilst I was on the wrong path. I'm loving every minute. To all the gamblers give up and stay strong and to all the supporters stay strong and keep helping.

Yippeeeeee! 3 weeks yesterday and not one gamble for my son. It has been hard, keeping on guard and checking all the time - but well worth it. I am getting to know again the young man that I always knew was in there. He will be the first to admit that through all this he hasn't always been a nice person and that made me very sad as as a youngster, he was a very nice person. It is like going back 10 years and starting again and we are making up for lost time. I thank God every day that we have this chance to get back on the right track and ensure a brighter future. I have been very naieve throughout, I had no idea that gambling could get to these levels and that sort of lifestyle was so far outside my everyday life that I couldn't even see it. It has been a big wake up call and it will make me more suspicious and wary in future. I still do not fully trust that I am always being told the truth because the same things have been said many times over the last year - and they were always lies. I hope they are true now and I think they are but that trust will take time to build - I kow we are on teh right track. Hope everyone has a good weekend and hope that you all get the support you need to help you overcome this dreadful problem. x

3 weeks and 1 day. Long may it contiunue and I'm a very happy chappy. Gd luck to you all over the weekend and say n, no matter how hard you may find it.

Hi VWM and PSOVWM,

From following this diary from day 1 and having lived the life and lies of PSOVWM , there is one fundamental change in your sons life, one that I took myself 52 days ago and that is admit and really really want to change. I have 100% faith that that is where PSOVWM is at this moment in his life ans I wish you both and your families well. At PSOVWM's age he can beat this and live life as it should be lived. Working hard , living life and loving family and friends. Those wishing to wager any bet with you are only foes.

Thanks for your kind words Mancity. Well it's 3 weeks and 3 days since my last bet and I'm going strong. I have had another nice honest weekend and not a single bet. Today I will not gamble and my happy life continues. Am liking my new honesty and find myself liking different things and different people and am starting to find myself after a 10 yr absence in my life. Keep saying no and stay strong.

Hi Mancity and thanks for reading this and offering your support. That helps more than you will ever know. The knowledge that others share this fear, this worry, this preoccupation ...... it is nice to know we are not alone with this awful problem. I hope we can continue down this path but am still very wary and cautious - it is early days and everything looks rosy but we have not yet faced any najor challenges and teh test will probably be when that happens - how will my sonn react and what triggers will it set off? Fingers crossed! Good luck with your own journey.

x

Thank god your son is doing well, and has great support from a great mum. Can i ask if gambling runs in the family, one of the reason ive got to give up is the thought my children could follow me into a life of unhappiness and would not want this to happen to any body........

GAZZA

Having read through this diary, just wanted to drop in and say well done to both of you.

Keep up the good work, it's a really great story to read so far...

Weldy

u gotta keep strong keep telling urself ur enjoying ur new gamble free life. for me its a good boost spending my money on me and my partner rather than bookies, being able to go for a pint anything u didnt do normally, new hobbies just enjoy it but dnt ever forget what u are so ur barriers dont slip, i constantly remind myself im a compulsive gambler so i dnt slip.

and mum u gotta keep on top of him 3 weeks is 3 weeks its great but hes still the same distance away from a bet. even so well done both of u keep it up

dan

You are so right Dan. I know how fragile our success is. I am not sure if gambling runs in families. My dad always had a bet on the horses and my son's dad likes fruit machines but neither of them ever spent money they didn't have. I am confused by the over-spending and seeming unawareness (or uncaring?) about getting into huge debt. That is definitely not the values or ethos he was brought up with. At least I don't think so. I always tried to give him everything he wanted, including football shirts, latest football boots, top class trainers etc etc. Was that the wrong thing to do I wonder? Giving him the impression that everything was available just for the asking? I will never know. I only know what I can now do and that is to offer support, guidance, help, be there to listen and to monitor his progress. I will not give him money and I will not let him abdicate responsibility. But no-one will ever know how much this has hurt me, knowing that I may have let him down in some way and that caused this to happen, and I will forever feel guilty for not suspecting and not insisting on honesty all of the time. I think deep down I knew that he wasn't telling me the whole truth - but I never insisted - I shoud have done. But - we are where we are - I am proud he is so determined but realistic enough to know that it is very early days. Coming on this forum has been really helpful to me. After all, who else would want to discuss it with me? My friends would be horrified, my work colleagues would not understand - so thank you all!

Hi VWM

You can stop blaming yourself right here and now. You are in no way responsible for another human being feeding their addiction. Your son has taken full responsibilty for his actions and that is what it comes down to. Be careful not to fall into a trap because compulsive gamblers will exploit it without hesitation.

Take care and I wish you both every success

Steve E