2010

Hi Jas

you are so right about things winning when we dont gamble on them. I still view last night as somewhere between a reward from the Gods for my hard work and a test to see if I could resist. Well I refused the reward and passed the test but I cant get the scenario out of my head today.

Good to see you can have a boring day like me cleaning worktops and cooking !

Crazy In Love

P.s. 'Money' wasnt part of the 'Cant Buy Me Love' song title - 1 up to the Captain !

Aaargh Drat d**n !!!!

Modern Love ( without the This ) - Bowie

Sunday Boring Sunday - U2

Yeah I gave you that one 🙂

Nightmare this with the chat not open !

A switch to IM may be necessary!

Hi Jas

Just popped in to thank-you for your support on my diary. I take onboard all that you have mentioned.

I don't post back very often, i tend to just read how others are coping and that in itself is a great help to me.

By the way i had to google what a "moussaka" was cos didn't have a clue lol.

Takecare and best wishes

Hiya Jasmine,

Got your message..thank you..all okay here. Just been deleting my diaries..something I felt I needed to do. I did request a while back for them to be removed..perhaps that will happen. It's just my next step of getting back to normal lol. I'll still be floating about no doubt..and maybe in time I'll stop that too. Hope your doing okay also..big hug

Del xox

I am angry.

In an attempt to help my sister with her compulsive gambling I bought her a book on overcoming compulsive gambling.

She had a dinner party on Saturday.

I spoke to her yesterday.

She told me she had shown her guests the book and they were talking about MY gambling problem. Not hers....MINE

I am peed off.

If I wanted the whole world to know about my gambling problem I would have told them myself.

Is there a condition where individuals use others problems to hide their own? If there is, then she's got it. I am disappointed. Very.

She knew I was annoyed and quite surprised at what she was telling me. You know when I'm mad because you get a laboured "rriggght" or "ok".

I have supported my sister throughout her illness, possibly made myself ill in the process. I have tried to help her with her gambling problem too.

I give up.

That's a real shame - but I guess we were only saying the other day that people have to want to stop for themselves, nobody can make them stop.

In a roundabout way, perhaps she was raising the subject to gauge her friends' reactions to gambling as a serious issue. She clearly has not admitted to herself that she has a problem, and certainly is not ready to come out and say it to friends. You are right to be upset - but you're probably upset for the wrong reason. It appears you are upset that she aired you as a gambler to her friends, when really you're hurt that you tried to help her and she effectively threw it back in your face. Or maybe you feel both?

The only way you can move on is to try and explain to her why you feel so strongly about what she has done. But you will also have to resign yourself to the fact that she doesn't seem to want to move off the destructive path she is on. You know what it's like as a CG (you are one!!) - you don't care about the feelings of those close to you when all you want to do is chuck a load of money on the roulette table or whatever it is - unfortunately you are now in the position of the 'close person' who is now being hurt by others' gambling and their lack of willingness to do anything about it.

That's how our partners and friends and husbands and wives must have felt about us at some time or another. They probably thought 'Why don't they want to stop for me?' or 'Why are my feelings not enough to make them see what they are doing is wrong?' Please keep yourself focused on your own recovery, as long as you stay away yourself you will be there for her as much as possible when or if your sister decides she wants help to stop.

Matt

Morning Jas

Couldn't quite believe what I was reading there. Had a similar situation, work related not gambling, a few years ago. Makes you wonder why you try to help sometimes.

Not sure if there is a specific condition. Only thing that comes to mind as it did back then is complete denial.

Will try and catch up in chat soon.

Take care.

M

Ock Jas..Big Hug x

I can competely understand how you must be feeling....I'd be angry and hurt.

Please try not to let this get you down, maybe you have to let go of trying to help your sis? as hard as that might sound, and as hard as it will be to do because the love and care you have for her...

...and wait until the day she asks for help?

You are working your recovery so well..keep at it & keep getting stronger.

I've had rotton things done on me..and have always been the sort of person that wants to know were it comes from..what motivates..is it me..is it them...blah blah. I try not to figure anyone out anymore..its a waste of valuble time.

Love Del x

Hi Jas. Yes that`s upsetting. Does your sis admit to the problem? Even so, unless there is a real desire to quit there is little that anyone can do. You had that desire, and, have worked hard at getting through this. You know how tough that can be.

So I think there has to be a very real need and wish to stop gambling for any progress can be made. Look forward to seeing you in the chat room.

I lack patience today. My daughter's don't ever learn from their mistakes. Their mistakes always have disatrous financial consequences. Last night one of our girls didn't even have enough cash left to pay for the taxi from the train station and she walked home because she didn't dare ask for cash....she is a live in carer at the moment before going to Uni and she is earning pots of money and she has spent it all....she has also run up a humungous mobile phone bill......which has been bounced by the bank...history repeating itself but I'm not bailing her out this time.

Thinking about me this time.

I must also ease up on talking about gambling and gambling recovery. I'm becoming a bore.

Hi Jas,

I understand where your coming from with wanting to help your sis and i,ve also seen it first hand many times at GA what your doing.

Its called two-stepping,

Step 1,we admit we are powerless over gambling and it has us beat.

Step12,we carry the message to other compulsive gamblers who are suffering like we were.

It wont work,people who wont fully admit they have a problem as say you and i have done can not be helped,yes i suppose there is an argument to say they can be gently nudged into either admittimg the problem or stopping gambling but i,m not so sure.

I have seen many many newcomers come and go at GA over the years,they have been given a massive amount of help,sometimes the whole 2 hour meeting would revolve around them and their problems and then blow me the week after they dont show up.

Theres a moral here somewhere and my only interpretation of it is,stick to helping yourself first,get yourself to the place you want to be,us recovering gamblers are a strange bunch,we go from not giving a s**t about anyone to wanting to help the world and its too much.

Anyway i hope i,m making sense but if not no probs ignore me,i am a victim of my own propaganda at times LOL.

Take care,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi Jas

Thanks for the post on my diary,havent been around that much but no particular reason.

I am happy and life is good, albeit I have ahuby with man flu!!!

God what a pain LOL Okay he has a very heavy cold and i sufering but hell what a price I am paying,moan moan moan.........grrrrrrrrrrr thats men for you.I should know after all these years 🙂

Sorry to hear what your sister has done, maybe cos she is in denial herslef she is just being plain thoughtlesss??

Or did she want to test the water and find out her friends reaction in case she evr admitted SHe has a problem...who knows. Still you are addresing yours and its not a bore, this is your diary so let off steam whenever you like.

I do reckon ypu can be a smidge like I used to be and over analyse your own recovery instead of going with the flow. I should know, been there and doen it often enough.

Still you always make me smile girl 🙂

Lot of love and take care of YOY !!!

W xxx

Hi Jas, hope you feeling ok. I think ANL is spot on. We have to get ourselves ot the point where we know what we are doing , where we are going, and our recovery is at full speed. The best thing you can do for your sis is to keep oding what you are doing, showing her how it can be done.

Shes in denial, you know that, and prob her friends know that, no one is that daft. Shes attempting to deflect her probs by highlighting yours. Im sure if you were in their company it would be obvious.

Its only a matter of time before she goes under im sorry to say.

I know its not nice, but if you are not careful she will drag you under. She is her own problem firstly, and yours after even though i know how much you care for her.

Keeping clean is a big enough drain for us all with normal life and probs like you face without trying to help others who dont want to help themselves.

You are doing great, dont let others derail you from where they they wish they could be.

Keith x

Hi Jas

Sorry to hear about the action your sister took. you have done all you can, She obviously doesnt see the problem and doesnt want your help.

Keep talking about gambling and recovery - you are not a bore.

Chin up.

Love Machine