2010

Posting from my moby....how does winning do it? I can't use the computer here because of the site history being left and I dont want to go deleting stuff. On my own at the mo with my pooches. Extremely peaceful and tranquil.....so quiet it seems weird. I like it though.

Feel like I am being looked after here. Feels nice and comforting. Promised to do a flower table decoration so time to get creative.

I'm happy. Love to all from Jas xx

Hi Jas,

Glad your enjoying your time away,it sounds great,peace and tranquility you just cant buy them two words.

Certainly understand the quiet aspect as from what i can gather from your diary you keep yourself pretty busy,so quiet at times is good.

Take care,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi Jas, hope you are enjoying yourself. Are you really a flower arranging kind of a girl???

Anyway, no more sadness, only positivity!!

Matt

Hi Jas

glad you are enjoying yourself.

Give me a description of you and I'll make my way to Stranraer to meet up this weekend!

How do you manage to afford a moby with internet access? Thought you were skint lol

Holiday Love

Hey Jasmine, how are you? Hope you are fine and well. I want to thank you for your post on my recovery diary recently. I really appreciate it. x

All the best

SONY

Having a good rest here, although it is very quiet. Zzzzzzz lol!

I am now posting from the pc as I have figured out how to delete specific history. It was tricky posting from my moby....and for C there are some cheap deals about you know with internet access!

I have been reading somewhere today...I think it was on C's diary a post from Jac. Part of it really struck a chord with me about telling lies.

I have a dilemma in my life. There is still years and years to go in order to build my life in financial terms. I am unable, through lack of disposable cash, able to do all the things I did before. I am sure this has been noticed by many people but I just lie my way through it.

For example, I am now staying with relatives. They are elderly and I really love them to pieces. If I told them I was a recovering cg I can't imagine the fallout. I am not sure if it would make me or them feel any better. They did say....you still got that car? Yeah....still got it and still will have in years to come. I came up with some c**k and bull story about it having low mileage and what's the point in swapping.

I just feel that people knowing about my addiction would make me feel vulnerable, make me a talking point and I am sure my situation would be frowned upon by many. People are very judgemental.

What are you saying Jas? Well, I am thinking what is the best way to attack my situation. I am no longer gambling but have debts. I have said before, on the surface we appear pretty much sorted but on the inside that is not the case....and so, in essence I will continue to lie for several years to come and this is a direct result of my gambling and the financial devastation it has caused. I suppose I am confused as to what I should do or whether I keep my secrets, secret?

Just got me thinking....I usually don't have much time to spend "thinking" and it's probably a dangerous thing lol.

Left my 17 year old at home.......going to send my sister round to check there is nothing going on.

See you all soon......Jas xx

hi Jas

Well i cant really help you on that one 🙂

Lucky it is a recession time...people had gone crazy with talking abt £££..In the 80's here you would never ask someone what they did for a living cos 1 in 5 didnt work. that seems to be comming back..im glad the madness is over...oh well i think im just rambling...ops..

have a nice weekend

micheal42

Hi Jas

totally with you on continuing to lie - only the people who really need to know should find out.

For others whether it be family or friends or work colleagues, we would just lose our credibility. Some would be sympathetic, others understanding, others would just disown us.

Cheap phone deals with Internet access? I have the lowest spec mobile available with PAYG only! And most things I buy at the supermarket are on offer - good with money except when it comes to gambling - common theme with CGs I think!

jasmine. . Yes its bloody frustrating sometimes posting from the "moby" but if it keeps me in touch with the diaries thats the most important thing. . A lap top is out question at minute due to my debts and i feel there are other things for priority. . Hope your having a wonderful time in "bonnie scotland" take care your posts are always worth a nose. 🙂

Been thinking loads about my financial losses through gambling. These thoughts will not go away at all. Even though I am doing my best to get them out of my head. I don't know why they are so upper most in my mind right now? Possibly because I have a lot of thinking time here.

Anyway. What's done is done and I have no power over changing history. I can either choose to constantly dwell on it, and in turn, make myself feel really s**t. Or I can look forward and see what new history I can make. Yeah, that sounds good. Going to stop reflecting as it's getting me down. I have to accept that in many circumstances I still need to lie about my gambling and yet when it feels ok to do so I can choose to disclose stuff. Going to move on from these feelings now.

Ok....my best frined is coming to see me and stay a couple days. She lives in Cumbernauld.....for anyone who knows Scotland. I can't wait to see her. We may decide to take a crossing to Ireland and sink a few guinness....don't really drink guinness but it's something i always do...with a port on the top. I am very close to my friend, we have shared a lot over the years...but I haven't told her I am a rcg......it has never been right to do so and her visit for a few days this weekend won't be the right time either. I don't feel it necessary for her to know right now anyway...even though she is my best friend....I am painfully private.

So, definitely going to have a lot of laughs, and drinks and girlie rubbish. Ha ha ha.

My gambling addiction has left a right old mess but I am, slowly, but surely, tidying up!

Soz if that sounds corny lol

Enjoy your weekends every one of my friends on here.

Jas x

thanks for your continued support jasmine. . To be honest its frustrating but im kinda getting used to it now. . On good days it feels we never parted but on bad days she doesnt answer phone or texts. . Anyways cumbernauld near glasgow think its one of 5 new towns built in scotland in the 60s famous for gregory s girl film lol. . Have a great girlie weekend which im no doubt sure you will. .

Hi Jasmine,

Enjoy your trip it sounds like it will be fun. 🙂

As for telling other people about ones gambling problem... at the end of the day its none of their buisness. there is no obilgation to tell anyone anything. For me I just try to not disclose my problem but without directly lying if that makes sense. For example I sound different from where I was born and brought up and I often get asked the question "so what brought you here?" My reply is "life and cicumstance" or words like that and then maybe I laugh a little and then they laugh a little and then they may say.. "so you don't want to say then?" .. and i say "nah not really" (but in a respectful way) and then small talk resumes or the convo finishes.

Other times I just say my story it as it is and most of the time people become very interested and respond in a very positive way. Often they have a story themselves of "someone they know" who "insert story of such and such losing their home due to gambling bla bla".

The times for me where i would start to think a bit more about self-disclosure would be either a. job applications (ie in explaining the gap in my job history where I went through rehab) or b. if its potential girlfriend sceanario. In that case I probably wouldnt say initially for fear of frightening them off... but then if things developed I would.. but prob avoiding all the gory detail.

Thanks for your thoughts on my diary. Like you say.. anything is better than machine feeding.. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Hi Jas

Thanks for bringing my diary back to the first page and checking on me.Its much appreciated.

To be honest Jas ive not been getting in from work till late and i just havent had time to post a lot.Im glad to see you are still going strong and still helping others.Stay happy Jas.All the best Jeff.

Hi Jas,

I have been laughing to myself re the amount of contact both on diaries & chat that you have had since you said that you were to be away for a short break.... its as tho you haven't gone anywhere! 😉 lol

The wonders or the curse of modern communication eh?

As to the 'lying stuff' I said, maybe you have taken it too literally?

I 100% believe that a person cannot sort their gambling problems(or any problems really) If they are not 100% honest with themselves. For most, that 100% appears to develop over time until a person truly understands the importance of it.

Then there is the honesty between others.

For any immediate person that shares all your life with you, like a partner. I 100% again, absolutely believe that they have a right to know. Because it will directly(or indirectly) have an effect on them.

A partner etc. must have the correct facts, so they can choose whether they want to continue to share their life with an addict/someone in recovery.

We are individuals in a partnership. It cannot be a partnership with one person deciding the 'rules' of the other... for life.

What you 'tell' anyone else in your life is up to the individuals that know the real truth.

A carefully selected 'few' in my life, who I lent on & totally trusted(no gamcare in those days), know most of what has happened.

Others knew Jim liked a gamble but now no he doesnt... Like SA said, its easier just to say eg... 'Not anymore, its a mugs game', or whatever. Because these people are just acquaintances, they have no need to hear the warts & all, it just doesn't matter. To them or you... and would just become idle gossip.... no one needs that 😉

As for relatives... they don't even figure in it... do they?

There is one person in my life who I have never told... and I hate it but have chosen to live with it. That person means the world to me and I do not like the fact that that I have not disclosed to him.

He is 83 and unless he is reading this, I feel it would cause him unnecessary stress and achieve absolutely nothing... never the less I have never kept anything from this person who has done nothing but shown me love & support all my life.

I think he would understand.... and why.

You wrote a few days ago Jas about your secret and the other 'villagers' where you live. I lived in that kind of setting in my youth... so I know how nosey they can be! lol.

Just remember Jas... don't worry what you hide from people that don't matter in your life... cause the sure fact is.... they are hiding things too! 😉

The most important people in your life... You and Hubby already know the truth... don't they?

And thats all that really matters 🙂

Now... bog off and enjoy your break! it will do you the world of good. Talk soon

Jackie x

Hi Jas

Hope you enjoyed your trip and the guinness.

I dont give up on anything -

Love Is The Reason