2010

Hi Jas

Just popping in to ask how your weekend away went.Hope all is well and you didnt get too drun.Infact delete that i hope you got really drunk and had a great time lol.All the best Jeff.

I'm having a great time here.

For Jeff....drunk....yes, love it.

I have to stay close to this site as it really is my medicine and my leveller.

I love Ireland, I really do. I may consider moving....perhaps that is my next move.

It goes without saying i have not gambled and neither have I considered it. I know I am still recovering.

Nite....Jas x

Hi Jas

Chat certainly was a bit different tonight!

Listen Jas you are doing really well and I'm proud of you for not gambling and continuing to support others.

However I am concerned that you are about ready to slip...

into Alcoholism instead lol!

Love Drunk

Been looking at properties online today. Itchy feet. Feel frustrated though as all those I like are off the beaten track and i have to consider that my youngest daughter is going back to college in September. There are no colleges even close.

All my life something has always held me back. I suppose I could just move anyway and let her fend for herself...she did screw it all up last year when she left home and quit everything. So, feeling slightly frustrated right now.

When I had my first child I remember the midwife passing her to me and she said....that's it now, your life as you knew it has gone for good. How right she was!

In everything I have done my chldren have taken precedence and until now this hasn't really been an issue. Just feeling a bit trapped I suppose. Maybe it's fate? Who knows.

I think I may be having such a lovely time here, being looked after, relaxing etc...that it's a bit of a false world here...bit like being on holiday and not wanting to get back to reality. Planning to go home in the next few days but no rush!

My pooches are begging me for a walk.

No gambling........Jas x

Hi Jas

Glad you are still enjoying your holiday.

I'm fine, just connection problems tonight.

Love And Happiness

Hi Jas

Just enjoy the break for what it is, a break.

Often, when we start to change ourselves, we are prone to want to change everything.

Maybe your inner self wants to make a radical change to make it feel better about the changes of other bits about yourself...

Trust me when I say, it doesn't matter where you live. Simply because, wherever you live, you are taking "You" with you.( I did move twice) It is more about enjoying the things you have including your daughter. She messed up before..yeah so what..she'll mess up again...it's life...we are humans who make mistakes, wrong desicions, I have.

As long as I learn from them it's ok to change my mind on something. It's ok to feel high or low about the same thing on a different day.

It's not about moving somewhere different this starting afresh. It's about self acceptance and living with myself, warts and all.

Holidays are good, relax, chill and then go home and learn to chill there too.

Love and Hugs

Charly/Sabine xx

It's lovely and sunny here today.

Talking about dealing with and accepting the financial losses in chat last night really got me thinking.

Won't go into too much of the gory financial detail but I am committed to paying off...purely gambling debt....for the next 6 years. I have bleated on about this before but it still is an issue for me.

How can I make myself feel better about this?

I have had a good old talk to myself and tried my best to put it into perspective.

1. My monthly loan commitments are a fraction of the cash I was blowing on gambling every month. In fact, pound for pound 1 weeks gambling = 1 months loan payments.

2. There is an end point to my loans there isn't to compusive gambling.

3. I am nearly one year into paying these off.

4. The loan is against our home. This worries me. If everything goes t**s up I have a plan. There is always a solution to every problem.

5. I am not going to look too far ahead with regards finances. Just keep plodding and eating away at the debt.

6. Unbelievably, I am really astute with money. I never waste anything. I am not a big shopper. I have, in the past, made very wise investments.......and so I am looking forward at the end of the loan repayment term to get back to this stability. For me, financial stability has always made me feel strong. Don't know why that is. I always have to have some cash on me....probably comes from my Pa..God Bless him....he loved cash.

I was asked in chat how much I had "lost" in financial terms. To be honest, I wouldn't even dare post on here the amount...it is embarrassing. During my gambling I won on at least 3 occasions enough money to clear the lot...but i didn't. That's because I am a compulsive gambler. I "lost" more than money and it's going to take time to heal.

I am in no doubt that I am still in the early days...even though it has nearly been a year.

I have had ups and downs but the main thing is I have learnt from it all. I do not gamble now.

In a way I applaud those on here who are able to return to recreational gambling but that will never be an option for me, ever.

Thinking of making my way home now but can't face the drive today. Tomorrow maybe 🙂

Hi Jas

Good post re the finances - I had already posted today before I read yours but interesting we are thinking about the same things today, albeit mine is driven by it being payday and I havent gone into quite as much detail as you !

Thanks for the late night post. Dont get your comment about letting the side down re a phone, maybe I'm being thick, can you explain ?

By the way, are you ever going home?

Is This Love?

Going to have to travel home tomorrow as I am on a course on Thursday. Don't want to cancel it.

When I was gambling I cancelled everything, all the time. Trying to do it all. That is one promise I made to myself. No cancellations unless absolutely necessary.

Wanting to move has passed now but I was tempted. If I moved it would clear all my gambling debt in one move. I asked myself a question. Would I move if I wasn't in debt...and the answer is no. So, I will hang fire and push on with paying it off and summon the strength to remain patient.

Going to pack a few things now and get ready to travel early.

Hi Jas

To answer your question would i move if i wasnt in debt?

I moved because i had to (lost my house).A lot of the debt was left in the old house.Now without gambling i am lots better off.But if i am totally honest i miss my old house and even if i could have stayed there with the debt i would have.Im happy where i am now but i had lived in my old place 20 years.It wasnt even in a great area but it was what i was used to. So Jas if you want to move then move but dont do it just to get out of debt.I hope this helps but im sure you have got it right again already .All the best Jeff.

Hi Jasmine,

Your debts are going down bit by bit thats all that matters. But i know in reality its hard not to dwell on them. I spose i took the easy option with bankruptcy but then again I think it was the right option for me and it sounds like the path you have chosen is the right option for you. Your doing just great.

Thanks for passing through my diary. As you can see am struggling with negative emotion at the moment. But it will pass am sure. Thanks again.. S.A 🙂

Should have left early but still here. Must motivate myself to leave. My relatives are upset I am leaving them and I guess that has made me prolong my departure from this gorgeous part of the world.

Watched a programme last night about celebrities living on job seekers...anyone catch it? It brought back a few memories from my young years. 3 jobs to make ends meet. Made me feel grateful for what I have now.

Back home which feels nice.

Not happy at the moment though. It's only a silly incident. I get "used" quite a lot by my family and I find it impossible to say "no" at times. I gave one of my sisters a bunk bed and brand new mattress for my nephew. They are refurbing his bedroom and they have sold the bunk bed that I gave to my nephew on a well known auction site. Yes, they have sold it. Something I gave to them to help them out. Is it just me or is that somehow wrong?

Well...to put the icing on this cake I have a message asking if they can borrow the double air bed until the new stuff arrives. I don't answer this message. Then i get a text and another text. Then there is my nephew at the front door asking for the air bed. I have just nearly killed myself getting it from the loft.....and then, thinking they had gone. There was another knock on the door....can they have the electric pump too. For ******** sake....I am one hell of a mug.

For a glancing second I thought about gambling. How crazy is that? Might go onto netline.

Totally over it now. Netline are fantastic support.

Hey Jas

You have a problem with a bed and you log on to Netline?

Try www.bedsdirect.com or bedroomworld.co.uk, sure their staff could have talked you through it and you could have left Netline free for those who really need it.

Love Under My Pillow