2010

I am going to view a property tomorrow.

My home is lovely but ever since we have lived here we have had money difficulties. Either massive interest rates (anyone remember those?), then crippling childcare costs and then my gambling. I don't know if I am barking up the wrong tree or just barking lol. But, for a long time I have felt my house and where it is situated has some negative energy...am I mad? Possibly....but it has been in my private thoughts for years.

Anyhow....we'll see what tomorrow brings.

I went to see the house. It's a no no...needs loads of money sepnding on it and i don't have that sort of cash and neither do I have the energy.

I feel I am suffering with boredom since I stopped gambling. In fact I have realised I have a short attention span. That is possibly why my gambling became progressively worse in terms of financial losses because I actually got bored with the small, fun bets. I liked to see the chunky wins, silly girl. I used the past tense 🙂

In all the years I have lived here i have never viewed another house. I know i was probs making some cr** up about here being "unlucky" in terms of finances but is has also brought a lot of happiness too. Why do I always remember the bad.

I have a BT engineer here at the moemnt as my broadband is slow..slow as a snail. Hate workmen in my house.

Have not gambled, no urges either which provides me with peace of mind.

thanks for your support jasmine. . This is very testing week but hopefully through todays urges. (still no bet). . Why want a move now. . Like you say many happy memories there too so better the devil you know i say. . . As for them high interest rate mortgages. . Mine is nearly 8 % due to my gambling stupidity. . Best wishes wp. .

just like to say thanks you are a very kind hearted person allways there for everyone thanks a million

My urges to gamble have paled into insignificance. Even though I still get urges I recognise them as urges and I try my hardest to work through them. Obviously, my easiest option would be to cave in but it's just not an option. It's just not worth the agony it will cause.

My family are coming over on Saturday for a "curry night" so looking forward to that. Get a bit of bangra music going 🙂

My health is still not 100%. I am convinced my immune system has been affected by my gambling. Neglecting myself both physically and mentally.........anyway, apparently the sun is going to shine today, always gives a boost.

Jas x

Hey my girl.

Glad to see you are still You, 🙂

Good thinking on the "best Mother's Day present ever"

When I used to get urges I would play the tape in my head to the end.... and I also realise now that as long as I have my "fighting" head on... I would have urges.

Because..as long as I fight it..I want a result... I want to win, I want to beat this... I want to be on top....!!!

Oh, boy...I needed to change my way of thinking....

Now I think...ok..I'm knocked out..you win..you have beaten me..and you know what...good luck to you..you can blxxxy well keep it...

I finish the thought process and when I am at the end, I usually end up imagining being in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere or in a wooden box ready to be incinerated...usually works for my urges to go running...

Just wanted to share that with you.

As for neglecting one's health..yup, I can see that too. My angel and are are going swimming twice a week now(well we try twice a week..I cancelled last night due to a G.A. commitment)

And now the weather will hopefully get better and the evenings will be lighter longer, we will embark on walks again, which I am looking forward to...nothing too strenuous, just nice strolls...

When P is away, maybe a friend or one of your girls will go with you. If we lived closer you could come with us, 🙂

Lots of Love and Hugs from me to you and P

Charly/Sabine xx

Awww Jas. Thanks for that post. Feeling a bit better than i was . It`s a bit of a worry as it can go hand in hand with depression. However so far it`s just anxiety. Thanks for checking me out in chat. Naughty of me really, I should be thinking of the Serenity Prayer. I am a daft begger because I start freaking out about stuff that`s not happened yet and most likely won`t!

I rang my daughter. She is watching the racing with her lady with dementure. Watching the racing and really enjoying it too apparently. My daughter said her lady used to go to the festival every year before she became ill. Watching it on the t.v has made her really happy.....lifted her spirits!

My daughter said some of her choices had won and my daughter said to her you should have had a bet on that. She replied... I never bet on horses dear....and that's a woman with dementure....to be so adamant.

Went to the races every year but no betting......It made me smile my head off. That's sensible gambling for you.

It really made me think.

Hi Jas

Just a quick line to say I am actually enjoying Cheltenham so much more this year. The racing and atmosphere look fantastic as always but although I have picked 4 winners in two days, I have not missed the betting at all.

Enjoy the last two days.

Stumper x

Hello mrs 'addicted to chaos'!

You remind me of myself, always wanting to move around, change things, move house, decorate, get a new job - the list goes on!

Why do we always need change? I think I thrive on the buzz of it.

Anyways, thanks for your kind post on my diary. I am really pleased with my adjustment to work so far. Its been a long busy week, and I will be happy to return to my quieter spot - but coping with the here and now.

Take care,

f x

Hi Jas

Sorry to read that you are not feeling 100%.

I cant tell you how much I appreciate your continued supportive posts on here.

I dont give up on anything but to say a big thanks to you I will let you win the song contest...if you tell me what the next contest is (cos I will defo win that one!)

Hi Jas

Thanks for post and happy to do the rhyming slang thing but no idea what the 1st one means!

And as for an emotional rollercoaster, remember I am hard, I dont do emotions.

Beans On Toast

Up with the lark this morning.

Going to the airport soon. Excited to have P home. I hope he has bought me a gift!

He asked if there was any money in our current account. Of course there is, not a lot but enough to keep us going.

My day is full to brimming as I have my family coming over for a meal on Saturday. It's been ages since I have been excited about having family over for something to eat and a laugh. It's going to be good. Gambling took all my focus away and reduced my personality to mush. Steadily rebuilding all that.

It goes without saying I have not gambled.

Jas x

Hi my girl

Glad you are picking P up today. It has been a tough few days for you and to have your support back with you can only make things easier.

Isn't it funny how our minds play tricks on us.

P gives you the password for the computer and..boom..your mind goes haywire....mine does on a few things too...triggers, I believe they are called....when I had my pay-out my mind went into overdrive. I was just very gratefult aht I was far enough in my recovery to not act on the crazy thoughts my mind projected.

Well anyhow..that's gone now.

Enjoy your family this weekend and should my angel and I be in the Midlands I shall let you know and maybe we can do this walk somewhere after all.

Have a great weekend.

Love and Hugs to you all

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Hi Jas,

Glad all is well in your life at the moment. I've spent a lot more time with family recently and it's a good thing (as long as you all get on...)

One guy at GA the other week explained that gambling is the compulsive gambler's life, and you're constantly striving for the big win which will mean you can start to finally enjoy life. But then he said the reality is that having your family close and being close to them, and having no distractions with gambling is what life is all about. And you can't buy the life you have with family. No amount of gambling will ever give you that, in fact it would take it away if anything.

Take care - Matt