2010

jasmine. . Thanks for the excellent post on my diary. . You turned a negative into positive and for that i am grateful. . Hope your havin a lovely easter. . Best wishes wp.

My sister rang yesterday and suggested we go a for a couple of drinks. Sounded really nice as we had nothing planned. Went to the pub and chatted, played darts...I am secretly very good and so P and I won. I couldn't believe how competitive a game of darts would get. I thought it was rather funny as it was only supposed to be a game for fun.

Then my sister said the dreaded words...."just going to have fiver"......these words, translated in gambling terms are....."just going to stand in front of a machine for the next few hours, pumping it with notes until I lose and end up as miserable as sin". Unfortuantely that is how it all ended...how it always ends up. P hasn't got his new card yet and I don't carry mine so all we had on us was cash for drinks. I couldn't lend her any to "win back" what she had put in and so the miserableness escalated and she wanted to go home. It all started so good but I am not at all surprised at how it ended. I found the strength not to let it upset my day...I managed to blank the whole episode until now.

Will try and do some gardening today and then planning to watch a film later.....Harry Brown with Micheal Caine. Lots to look forward to in the next few weeks too....my girl is coming home next Saturday for the run up to her 21st birthday...where did all that time go?

Love Jas x

I am feeling very miserable right now. Like a big grey cloud is hanging over me and won't shift. Tried gardening...too cold and raining. Just fed up and don't know why?

Shake yourself out of this melancholy Jas.

Life isn't all ha ha hee hee....Meera Syal.

Hi Jas--it looks like your sister's actions in the pub have had a greater effect on you than her. I would think that it would just be better to avoid being near her when there is a chance she will gamble.

Hope you soon feel a little perkier.

All the best

Stumper x

hi Jas,

Things have settled down a bit now and you arent feeling any extreme emotions - perhaps thats what is getting you down? I know I am rather addicted to the rollercoaster thing, and dont know what to do with myself when things calm down.

Do you think you have that 'empty nest' thing as well a bit? Must be weird not having them there every day. You get to spoil em when they come back though, and I imagine they are probably much more grateful having had to do the washing and ironing, cooking and cleaning etc. for themselves!

You and P get more privacy I would think, which must be lovely too.

I always type 'laughing baby' into youtube when I am blue. Never fails to raise a smile 🙂 I can also highly recommend 'David after dentist'. A classic!

Take care,

f x

Hey Jas

Feelings, now that we can feel them, are suckers sometimes. See them as a blessing, not a curse. Don't go analysing "Why am I feeling this way, why am I feeling like that." Just..feel...let those feelings go through your body and then kiss them good bye or kick them into the universe or write them on a bit of paper and flush them down the loo or chuck them in the trashcan.

The "empty nest syndrome" Freda spoke of, yeah that sucks too. And what is even harder is the fact that you now have to re-learn how to be a couple. It takes a bit of practise. For so long you have been Mum and Dad, house keeper, mender of clothes and hearts, taxi driver etc..and now...oops..they're gone..they're going their own way...will they cope...oh my..worry worry worry....

Of course they'll cope, thye may make mistakes..but hey..so did we..they may come and cry on your shoulder for something or other...I did that too after I moved out. But we coped and so will they.

Now is the time to think back to the time "before" the children and re-kindle that.(which can be a lot of fun, hehehe)

As for your sister. I think deep down you see how well you are doing and you desperately want to help her, because you recognise the pattern, you know where it leads, how destructive it is and you want to protect her from that...

Well...I'm sorry to say...you can't!(And you know this already, don't you my friend)

This is something she will have to realise herself. like you did. Once she does, yeah, give her all the support you want. You know how important it is to have support. Until then, you can maybe talk about how well you are doing in your own recovery and maybe that will trigger something. It may or may not work.

I suppose it is the same with couples, where one has started recovery and the other doesn't know. It takes time to catch up.

Sending love and hugs ((((((((Jas)))))))

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Jas

I hope today is a better day for you.

Sometimes the weather makes us feel down so get ready for the big pick me up .Its supposed to be getting nice towards the weekend .All the best Jeff.

Hi Jas--as Jeff says, hope you are feeling a bit more upbeat today. You could always start the Nolans tribute band that may bring a smile to a few people's faces.

All the best

Stumper x

I can't thank you enough for your support. It has really helped me.

I am feeling a lot better today. I guess the combo of too many days drinking alcohol, my sister resorting to gambling and everything else just got too much. One positive is that I can recognise it now....and yes Jeff....the miserable weather definitely makes things seem so much worse.

I went onto netline last night and spoke with George. Just chatting through things really helped.

Jas x

Thats better Jas--glad things are back on the up. Last time I looked at the election propaganda I did not notice that any of the parties were going to tax our laughter so we might as well enjoy ourselves before they try to take that away from us.

Keep smiling

Stumper

Good Girl

You see..you are that "better person" people so often speak of.

You are doing things to keep "You" safe and sane.

You come here and read and write and if you need to, you call the netline and get shot of whatever is bothering you.

Well Done.

As always. Sending love and hugs

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Jas I am so proud of you staying away from those demons.

They crept up on me and I wasn t stong enough.

I am wretched today but hope to use this painfyu lesson well

W xx

Ahhh W don't want you to feel wretched. I read on your diary you went onto netline...aren't they great at taking the sting out of it all? I hope you feel better very soon 🙂

People are so very money motivated these days. I have just caught the end of a gameshow called divided on channel 3. Greedy or what...they would rather go home with absolutely zilch than allow another player a bigger share of the prize. It was embarrassing.

I have deleted some stuff i posted as it is too personal and unfair to someone who has no right of reply. From now on I think it best to control my level of exposure. It's not good to tell too much and I never seem to learn. Too open about personal issues isn't helping me.

The sun is out and I'm going to walk my pooches. No gambling.

Jas x

jasmine. . I quite like that game show you mentioned. . Your right though ave screamede at the tele a few times for the peoples selfish ness and greed always seems to shine through. .i noticed you deleted personal information. . I should be like that with my problems but just canny help myself from posting. . You ve got me thinking now. . Daft thing is you dont know who reads these diaries. . There s some weird (and wonderful) people oot there i suppose. . Best wishes we can do this.

Hi Jas

Posh where i live,Dont BET on that lol.

Dont forget ive been a cg for 30 years.We never have the money to live anywhere posh.Although Cheshire itself is quite nice.Im affraid i live in the not so picturesque part lol.But hey Jas ,your home is what you make it.Certainly im making mine better with the money i am saving from gambling.Do you know what Jas,you have got me thinking now during this post.So i am going to write a post on my diary regardingour houses and debt.It may help someone going through the same as i did. Thanks Jas.All the best Jeff.