2010

Hi there Jas and thanks, as ever, for your lovely words on my diary.

Thanks Jas for thinking of me and for the continued support.

I will get over this but not so much I dont forget the pain.

I am glad you are feeling a bit calmer, the sun is out today here. I am getting ready to get some food shopping a visiting a friend who is pretty disabaled and without transport at the moment.

Off to have along hot shower, been awake sine 5:30 but pottering and posting here while I wait for the water to heat up again.

Hubby used most of it with the worlds longest shower first thing!!

Have a good weekend my friend.

love W xx

PS

Just read your response to Rusty's post and I agree 100%.

I was gvien that ultimatum too and it worked up until this week.

I am still the girl he married tho, this will not happen again!!!!!

NEVER WANT TO RISK A RETURN TO THAT GAMBLER

Sorry for hijacking your thread but it just hit me, I hated the person I was in that 48 hours.

W xxx

Oh Jas. Just read about the boy and the machines. I came over all a bit strange. I just felt the grip that gambling had on that kid.

For a moment that compulsion came over me. Not to go out and play, oh no. But that feeling when you are trying to win the money back.

Those machines are so seductive.

This year has been a year of bad health for me....and now I have some sort of sickness bug. Had to have the Doctor out early this morning. I think this may have been coming on for a few days as I have felt really gloomy....felt there was something negative hanging over me.

Lying in bed flicking through the channels, feeling quite lonely as P is away with work. Racing from Aintree was on in the background. Then something caught my attention...the winning owners of the Topham winner are ++~~ we know them. Long story.....I turned the sound up so I could make sure it was them. Doesn't money go to money...I wasn't jealous but it did unsettle me. Good luck to them and I am happy the horse got around safely. Seeing those horses fall is barbaric and I find myself either turning the sound off or watching the race with my hands over my eyes. I changed channel.....I couldn't stand it.

I am smiling at the moment as both my dogs are sitting with me on the sofa. They can't get close enough to me....my furry friends.

I haven't been able to go to my volunteer work today in the court and I feel really sad that i have had to let them down. If this was paid employment I'd have been dismissed by now.

I want to feel well.

No gambling.

Jas x

Get well soon. Glad your faithful furry friends are looking after you.. don't give them your germs though! 😉

Today is going to be a good day. I just feel it.

Really excited as my daughter is coming home from her care placement. It has been a very demanding time for her. This is the run up to her 21st birthday. Can't believe it's 21 years nearly since I had her. Through all the ups and downs she has really "come good". I am so very proud of her....might boast a little here myself...I am rather proud at coaching, supporting and directing her to success....in her words she couldn't have done it on her own....without me 🙂

Still feeling ill but must and will shake it off. Doing all the usual motherly things in prep. Making sure everything is nice for her and there will be the compulsary over feeding of course lol.

P and the girls have had "a go" on the big race meeting today. They always do and it's uncanny that they seem to pick the same horses too....something psychic going on maybe. I don't want anything to do with it. Not that is would make me want to gamble but from years ago when i did have a bet I had nearly every horse....early signs of my compulsive nature maybe. I don't want to spoil their enjoyment and so I won't and haven't made a big deal about it and when the race is on the t.v I will walk my dogs across the fields....looks like a nice day too.

My daughter won't be here for her 21st as she has chosen to spend it with "the boyfriend".....I rather like this one and so i hope it lasts. Anyhow my family had the idea that we should go out anyway and celebrate in her absence....so that's what I am going to do. That's me....any excuse for a celebration.

Apart from my health being a concern I am actually very content right now. I do not gamble and I have no gambling thoughts either....that's gotta be good...right??

Enjoy the weekend....Jas xx

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things i cannot change,

Courage to change the things i can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

phone has rung 3 times...all hassle from family. phone now unplugged. P****s me off as it isn't even my family.

Hi Jas, thank you for your post. I still read on here from time to time but to be honest i use other areas of recovery i find to be more intune with my way of doing and thinking but i will never forget the contribution some people on here and the site in general has made towards keeping me clean for over 2 and 1/2 yrs.

Ive seen so many people over the years kid themselves that they could control this addiction, and it was only certain types of gambling or certain things which caused it etc etc but in truth they were just prolonging the acceptance of their situation, as i did for many years, such is the nature of this illness.

Im off to Thailand next Thursday for 2 weeks. Its a place where i find real spiritualism, real serenity and real people in a world i would want to live.

Im glad to see you doing well and hope you feel better soon. Stay on the right track away from temptation.

Much love

Keith

Well the Grand National came and went whilst I was walking my dogs. Just been making spag bol and P came in and asked if he could have a word. Sounded ominous.

Briefly....daughter is now home. They were watching the t.v and P asked if they wanted him to put a bet on the race...bit of fun. My daughter then proceeded to log onto her laptop. P asked what she was doing and she said she was putting a bet on online. She has an account and new exactly what to do.....this surprised P. P then tried to secretly check her transactions but she was very "on edge".

What are we worrying about? Because she used to be appalling with money during Uni and has worked really hard to climb out of the mess. I don't want her entering the world I frequented for so long.

I have just been to her bedroom where she is sorting through all her things. I asked her outright if she was gambling and I just knew she was. I said I was worried and walked out.

She came to me and said she had been "bored" at times and very isolated in this work she does....and yes...had been gambling....but didn't see it as a problem...it was fun when she did it and she was spending less than she would be if she was going out and drinking.

I am in a dilemma.....will she turn into me? Am I being too protective. Do I go in guns blazing to protect her. I am petrified that she will get sucked in.

She is only just home after weeks and weeks away so I don't want to be in "full on" parent mode.....but perhaps that is what I may have to resort to.

I am feeling good in myself though and will, no doubt, deal with this.

I would appreciate any advice with this please as I don't know if i am making things up purely because of what happened to me.

Jas x

hi jas, as u know i have 2 kids, one aged 25 and the other 22

my daughter, 25, has gambled on and off since i stopped gambling. she goes to casino, and thankfully tells me when she wins and also when she loses. I dont get numbers, unless its a substantial win (oh joy, that is such a familiar story!!)

but at least i am grateful that she tells me

my son dabbled in gambling while he was at uni, and i suspect that he still dabbles

both know my story, and where gambling took me. both are aware of the consequences of gambling.

to be honest - i dont come the heavy 'full on parent'

my view is that they are adults, and they make their own decisions. I guess my fear is that if i go off at them in full parent mode, i will send them straight to their gambling haunts

but ........

being a parent is so hard. they didnt tell us how hard it would be before we got pregnant.

love

rusty

xx

Hi Jas--can understand your worry but if the gambling was just an isolated occurrence then she was probably just doing what millions of other rational thinking people were doing today--just having a bit of fun having a 'flutter' on the national. We did not ever think rationally when we gambled but that does not mean that others do not when they place a bet.

If the gambling is something she is doing very often then perhaps the best thing would be to do what you did and then try not to mention it for a week or two. She may stop if she knows how upset you are by her actions.

All the best

Stumper x

jasmine. . I have a friend who has an account with one of the main exchanges. . He does nt gamble but got free bets and turned £10 into £200 a short time ago. . He has nt gambled since and does nt intend to. . Guess maybe your daughter could be of the same but yes its only only natural for you to worry for her. .its great walking the dogs weather out there just now. . Ave got 2 labradors (round my ex s)who just love muddy puddles so long may this dry weather continue. . I just love taking them over the fields out in the open countryside. . Best wishes we can do this 🙂

Hi Jas

A difficult situation for you.I have an idea.I would just keep an eye on her for now.In conversation every couple of days just ask did you win today.Hopefully more often than not she will say i havent had a bet today but if you get the straight forward answer yes or no every time you ask then you know she is betting frequently and you may have to have a kind word.Just remember whatever you do .you are doing it for all the right reasons.Stay strong Jas .Jeff

Thank you so much for your replies to my dilemma 🙂

I feel calmer today about the whole situation with my daughter. I guess loads of peeps gamble for entertainment and are fully able to control it. My mindset seems to be that everyone will fall into the same trap that I did. I will keep an eye on her though...just hope she has P's sensible gene!

It's lovely feeling at the moment at home. The house seems so full of energy and fun. I like it but I am also preparing for when my daughter leaves and the "quiet" returns. It's all about balance.

Beautiful day here again...so going to make the most of it.

Love to all....Jas xx