2010

Hi. Wahoo.........Sharm eh? excellent. Which hotel you going to? I want to go back this year sometimes, probably October ish for me.

Just one thing. I think your idea of a new card is a good idea. Just order one and let P have it. Im sure if you explain to P its added security he will go with it. Just an idea but why leave a door open so to speak.

By the way i have ot say that P sounds a great chap.

Keith

Hi Jas left posting till late thought you would still be on the phone to your sister lol.

Hey on the new card situation i think you didnt open an account with P s card because you felt it would be letting him down. He trusts you and believes that you are strong enough to overcome this.Its actually another deterrent to have your card in ps name.It certainly worked this time. enjoy the rest of your weekend Jas. All the best Jeff.

Hi Jasmine just started reading through parts of your diary. I read this " I don't look back at my losses any longer and for me this is a major part of my recovery"

The above really hit me as thats where I am at the moment - very deep into LOOKING back at my losses and trying to figure out how the hell im going to fix the mess caused. Its great you feel you are past the stage where you are mourning the loss of the money and actually starting to slowly fix the debt problems. That is where I want to be in my own head so badly. Its also great you resisted those urges to gamble. So hard to do somtimes. Good for you. Blocked 🙂

What a lovely Sunday..sunny and a lot warmer too, what a difference the weather can make to my mood!

Well, my sis gave me the £50 she promised. I explained to her today where the money came from and she openly admitted that if i hadn't have withdrawn it then she would have spent it. She thanked me for protecting her.....a little bit of me thought she may think I was poking my nose in...and she may get a bit angry but she actually thanked me for protecting her. Now that feels good.

I've put the £50 safely away with my 5p's and 20p's savings piggy. For a rainy day.

When I was trying to stop gambling previously I was rewarding myself and others with rediculously expensive items. My thinking was...well...I could blow £500 in less than an hour why not have something to show for it...so I bought handbags, jewellery, pottery...anything. It was faulty thinking as i wasn't addressing the actual gambling...I had switched one addiction for another....and more to the point i couldn't afford either! It wasn't until I came here in April 09 that I started my journey, unravelling it all.

Anyway...last night we were talking about hols and P said it may be a good idea to start to sell off some of this "stuff"...some has never even been used....cash could go towards holiday spends. Probably going to spend today putting it all on to a well known auction site...free listing today.

Have a peaceful day...Jas x

Hi Jas,

Thanks for you reply on my diary,much appreciated.

You know its amazing how different we become with our approach and attitude to life once we get off the gambling rollercoaster and have manage to stay away from gambling for a while.

I think its me whose allowed myself to drift along thinking i deserve the best from life just because i decided to give gambling the elbow.

I know now it doesnt work like that but i do believe it takes a while,i enjoy reading through your diary and others because i can see a pattern amongst us all that as time goes by we can see that apart from our past addiction falsely holding us back we are all cabable of getting out of life exactly what we choose.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

I feel quite terrible this evening.

Couple of reasons.

My 17 year old daughter's friend has died. A hit and run.

I have just watched the news and the terrible earthquake that hit Haitti.

It's all too much to take in sometimes. Going to go to my bed and try to sleep and hope I feel better in the morning.

Nite

(((Jas)))

Not much I can say. Hope you manage to sleep ok.

Take care,

f x

Thanks f x

Bursting with energy and highly motivated.

Must do as much as possible whilst it lasts.

Booked piano tuner

Booked piano lesson

Kicked back into my volunteer work, commiting to several dates and training sessions

Rung the gym to check opening hours

Rung the swimming baths too

Feels really good. I'm over last night, felt awful...probably because my daughter was crying and i can't honestly remember the last time she cried...really got to me. We had a chat about death...not a nice subject but one, unfortunately, I have a lot of experience at dealing with. I think her friend dying so young, 17, brought her own mortality into question...and she was afraid. We had a long chat, a cuddle, kiss and she is still in her bed now pushing out the ZZZZZZZ's. Giving her my time was probably the best thing I could do in the cirumstances. As for the earthquake in Haitti, P and I have agreed no booze over the next four weeks and the proceeds to be donated to the appeal.....

That's me...Jas x

Hi Jas

hanks for your post, I am good thanks.

Sorry to hear bereavement has touched your daughter so young, but maybe in the long term its a lesson well learned.

I have just posted a long waffle on Jac's thread lol.

I read some posts that made me angry just before the weekend so didnt want to write anything until I cooled off in case I started another fire:)

We are blessed in th Uk whatever we feel, and hoever poor we might fel and the Haiti disaster throw some perspective on that.

Love

W xxx

Hi Jas

Full of beans today arent we.Glad to hear it.Thanks for the post on my diary.I guess im the same and hope my exes plans fall through im sure her new boyfriend will come to his senses. Its funny really i was only with her 2 years,and it was 2 years of hell (for both of us i was no angel)but here i am 8 years down the line and she still has a stranglehold on me lol.Hey Jas im glad i gambled all my money away while i was with her.Seriously though. Although the situation has nothing to do with gambling its strange how it actually brings on those urges.Thanks for listening Jas all the best Jeff. PS really kind gesture donating your money for the next 4 week.

Hi Jasmine great to hear your full of life and planning things that done revolve around gambling. Im also on the up today 🙂 Most postive day in months. Keep it up all the best Blocked.

Just wanted to say hi - after leaving chat room i remembered i had a diary from my last attempt and updated it.

I do volunteer work for a charity. Very involved, probably should be salaried work but oh so rewarding. Going to court tomorrow to support a young woman who has been raped and she is giving evidence. When I am given cases I sometimes think..goodness, what complex lives people live....then I look at myself...who would have known I could have got wrapped up in such an awful, complex addiction. You never know what goes on behinds closed curtains. Why are you rambling Jasmine..oh and talking to yourself too...hee hee!

I am so glad I seem to be, slowly but surely, getting the balance right...and looking after me first. Me, me, me lol

Nite all x

Hi Jasmine thanks for the message on me diary 🙂 Yep sorting the bills out is hard but needs to be done. And no somtimes we never know what secrets people hold, we all have our demons. Good though I think your able to look in yourself and question what went on and what drove you to gamble. Good luck with the court ... sounds traumatic to say the least 🙁 All the best Blocked

Hi Jas

Doing this charity work. Sounds as if its right up your street.Yeah i would expect you to be doing something like this. I suppose when you do this and sometimes like you say support people at court ,that you can see that no matter how down we feel over gambling ,there is always someone worse off than us. Keep up the good work Jas. All the best Jeff.