2010

Merry christmas Jas and a happy new year .All the best Jeff.

Hi Jas. First of all, thank you for looking me up and leaving a message. I have updated my diary since. Secondly, a huge Well done for the way you dealt with the online people. Am proud of you my girl for the woman you are becoming. You're doing good my girl, you're doing good. Love and Hugs to you and P. And Jas, I have learned yet again that I'm only responsible for Me, not for the rest of the family. You and I have to practise that. xx Hope you had a nice Xmas too. x

Now into 2011 but my diary is titled 2010...gonna keep it that way as I don't know how to change it.

Festivities over and now the quiet time. I find it realy difficult getting back to normality after any occasion...be it Christmas, New Year, Birthday's, Holidays. Perhaps I should ban them all and take my mind off this rollercoaster.

The finances are cripplingly tight this month. My own fault as I am over generous....or are other's tight? Daughter and boyfriend stayed and although I love their company it always costs P and me a fortune. P says it has to stop and we need to look after ourselves so next year....soz this year lol.....things will be different. I am sick of being skint in January. Thankfully the finances have not been hammered by gambling....which used to be the norm. I have had a couple of thoughts about betting on odd stuff and turning a tenner into a much needed few hundred.....I didn't bother because it's just a rediculous notion. If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is.

Happy 2011 everyone. Let's be strong together.

Jas xx

Hi Jas my girl

Happy 2011!!!

Yup, can sympathise. As for money. Don't do money...if I have some it's got to go, can't keep money...don't know why..or maybe it's because it frightens me. Used to go and gamble when I had money...now I make sure I haven't Simple I think.

Great fun spoiling people because it's now done with monies earned, not monies borrowed or worse...

Hears to a good 2011.

Love and Hugs to you and P

God Bless

Sabine x

Still bobbing along with very limited funds but I'm still alive. P and me had this idea of only spending £1.50 per day to help us get through January and up to now it's worked........it's amazing how little cash we actually need. To be honest it's turned into a bit of a competition....aparently "being mean" is the new thing!

This year P is celebrating a big birthday and I don't know why but the age thing has really hit home....never been bothered about age before but I know it's the gambling money mess that has put us in a very vulnerable position. We'll survive though and I just need to concentrate on living rather than worrying and daydreaming about what could be or would have been....our position at the moment is what it is and I just have to get on with it...if i allow myslef to get consumed with overthinking then everything else I am trying to do to clean my mess up will also be adversely affected.

I can't even remember the last time I gambled and I had one of those Eureka moments the other day when I found myself watching the TV and during one of the many gambling ads tuned into my selective hearing...I was actually conscious of being totally disinterested....in the past I would have stored the ad in my memory to be used during my online scouring of sites I could join.....it feels like an alien had got hold of my brain way abck then....I just can't believe it was me......

My sister continues to gamble....she asked her son not to tell me! Another loss last weekend and yet another long chat with her about how I decided I had to stop....quite draining actually but I will keep hammering the message home and hopefully the penny will drop one day.

Better get off my b**t and do some college stuff.....love to all Jas xx

Hi Jas

All sounds good in yours and P's world. 🙂

As for your sister. You know from your own story that it doesn't matter how many times someone means well and tells you about how they have stopped and how much better life can be without it, if you don't want to stop you are not going to listen. Simple as... I admire what you are trying to do, but if it is draining you, then you must stop or it will hinder rather then benefit your own recovery. Be there for your sister whne she finally realises that she cannot go on like that. Like you have, she will need to find her own rock bottom. Each of us have to do this for ourselves and not because somebody is nagging us. It's like quitting smoking for someone else. I tried that 3 or 4 times and it didn't work. When I applied the same principle I applied to my gambling addiction, namely do things one day at a time, and this is for me, all of a sudden it worked. As long as I am doing this for me and not for others it works. 3 1/2 years off gambling and almost 2 years off smoking.

Both addictions, I could pick up in a flash if I choose to, but life is so much better without. If this makes others happy too, then that is a bonus.

Lots of love

God Bless

Sabine xx

Hiya Jas,

I'd agree with what has been already said about your sister. Keep yourself well and strong, and you'll be there for your sis when she comes looking. Glad to hear life is good for you on the whole.

Best Wishes Del

Ever found something you forgot you had? We are f*****g skint this month....not due to gambling but due to gambling debt. Anyway back to story....I'm revising for a maths exam...yawwwn......then P comes in with a large glass of red wine.......he found it....it was a bottle we got with one of those marks and spencer £10 meal deals..... i'm gonna savour it! Saddo 🙂

We have a little joke...P and me.......we talk to our dogs...a bit mad we are....one is 10 years old and I say to her that she can't die until all the debt is paid off.....get ready for a guinness book of records entry! Everytime I say this to her she wags her tail....and i haven't started drinking my red wine yet!

Two years in April since I stumbled across this site...thank God.

Have a good weekend....Jas xx

Your not the only one that talks to their dog lol.

Hey good to hear from you!

I heard the Dawn French book is good, I like her full stop so will definetely get her book at some stage (probably three years from now in a charity shop lol)

I'm reading 'Conversations with God' by er someone er.. Walsch ..I think. Anyway, think I will put it down, a bit too heavy when really I need something lighter and more upbeat.

Hope you and P are having a nice evening 🙂

Good to see you in chat yesterday. Hump!!!! January, accountants bill, inland revenue. Not quite skint but feeling like it.

Well done on your recovery. I remember when you first came here.

Hope to chat soon.

If you think that talking to your dog is a little strange (which I don't!), how about talking to your cat who cares about nothing except for food and warmth! I find that talking to my cat before I give him food is the best time for him to respond. 🙂

Have a great weekend.

GT

Glad you stumbled in on here too my friend,can just picture you chatting with the dogs,making me smile.

Love to you and P

W xxxxx

Group of my friends wanted to go out and it was suggested we go for a "bit of fun" to a big bingo hall because the bingo was "free". I haven't divulged any of my history to these friends. I wanted a night out and so went along with the idea. I haven't been in this place for years and had to be signed in as a guest.

Walking through the entrance littered with slots and crammed with punters I felt no emotion at all....dead. Went to the bar and had a lovely evening playing for free. I looked around and could see no familiar faces from "my time"....except one guy member of staff from the old days...........as we were leaving he came over to me. He said things had really changed...and not for the better............you can play hundreds of bingo tickets at a time now...big gaming for sure. He said all the slot machines were being replaced soon with ones which allow bigger stakes......God help them all.

I got through the evening....enjoyed it actually. Just felt I was looking back on times gone by...good in a way. I am a different person now.

Time is a great healer....you can't hurry recovery.

Jas x

Sad.

Sad.

Sad.

The fact that more things are coming out with bigger stakes absolutely disgusts me.

But so glad that you really enjoyed the evening and that you seemed to be able to use the occasion to finally rid of your gambling demons for good.

Well done!

Have a great gamble-free weekend.

GT

Just popping by to say hi to all my recovery friends 🙂

Nothing much to report...boring! Boring is good actually.....although it does take time getting used to........boring doesn't cost your soul.

I'm always reading on here and supporting from the sidelines....even though I don't post much.

Take care all...Jas x