2010

Hiya Jas 🙂

I agree boring is good! Just popping into to see how you are. Have a lovely weekend.

Love Del x

Morning,

My recovery continues and to be honest now I go days without even a thought. Sometimes though things pop up in conversation which make my ears P***k up...nosey Jas!

I was at college last night and I overheard another student explaining to her frined that she didn't go to last weeks lessons as she had spent all her money on online bingo. Her friend obviously goes on too and was talking about how much she has won. These girls are only about 19 years old and I was saddened to hear such a conversation.

My addiction to online bingo/slots came to a head in April 2009 and since finding here and doing everything possible to help myself I am slowly but surely making good headway into my recovery. I know I can't help everyone but I am truely alarmed at the amount of new users to this site who have the very same addiction......I thought it was some kind of jokey addiction when I first registered...bingo...yeah right! But it's no joke.......those side slot games are pure evil and they will take everything from you...they have no conscience.

The first big win...which always seems to come very quickly.....was the hook that took a lot more than money from me. I feel better now......no...actually....I feel amazing now that I got out of that trap. Easy money does not exist.....if it sounds too good to be true then is most definitely is.

Keep going everyone.....ride the waves of recovery and you will get there,

Jas x

Hi Jas,

These gaming companies are still going strong despite a recession. Means a lot of people getting themselves into deep doo doo, it is really worrying. I know a lot of folk on here were triggered by desperation - I have to find some money somehow, I have nothing else to lose etc.. But then we realise we managed to lose some more...

Glad things continue on the up for you my lovely 🙂 is not easy to be still living with the after effects of CGing and stay in recovery consistently as you have.

High five!!!

f x

Thanks Freda for the post. Actually the only effects I have to live with is the financial fallout of my compulsive gambling days. Everything else here for me is amazing. You got me thinking as to whether I am in constant recovery...perhaps I am.....perhaps all of us on here are. I just think the pain gets a little easier over a long period of abstension...and if I need to be in constant recovery to keep up my zero gambling then that's how it's got to be for me. Zero tolerance.

I've learnt that we must always look for the positives...it may be hard at times...but they are out there. I've got a lot to be thankful for and I'm sure over time the money S***e mess I made will be cleared up.

I did open a savings account....there was a guy called Alan on here when I first joined...don't know where he is now, hope he is safe.....but we opened a savings account.....at the same time. Been going nearly 2 years now...only a small monthly deposit but it's mounting up slowly.......just gives me a sense of satisfaction and control.

Gawd I'm rambling. Just thinking on the page.

It's all good rambling! 🙂

Nice to here from you Jas, and good to read that life is good for you in nearly all aspects. I know what you mean about the financial fallout.

Read a post in OPG think the guy is called Rosco. Makes for good reading.

Thank you for your thoughtful advice 🙂

Love Del xo

Hello on a very grey morning here,

I have something I am pondering at the moment. I attended a talk about the rehabilitation of young offenders. As part of their sentence they have to attend workshops to enhance their life skills. Surprise, surprise but the woman giving the talk is going on about the link between crime and gambling! Well i never....at long last someone is opening their eyes to the fact eh.

Well this woman is going on and on about compulsive gambling and getting all her facts wrong. I had to bite my lip or else I would be exposing myself...but I really wanted to intervene and tell it how it is.

Anyway...my pondering is around this....do i offer to run a problem gambling workshop with these offenders or do I keep my secret totally private to the outside world. I need to think whether I am ready to help others when I am still helping myself.

It does make smile though........I do not look like the stereotypical gambler...and it would surprise many if i "came out" so to speak. I have a lot to think about.

Have a good weekend....Jas x

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Hiya Jas,

How is the pondering going? Sounds like it would be a challenging venture. Hope you don't mind me sharing may thoughts.

I think if you come up against any thoughts that it could in anyway be detrimental to you, I'd stay clear. Or in more practical terms, would it take you away from the path your own, you are so happy in your studies and getting yoursefl sorted.

I remember we had a talk in school from a lovely young woman, fresh faced, respectable looking and articulate. I was about 15 yrs at the time. She told us her story and how she become an alcholic. Blew out all my stereotypical views I had even at that age what an alcholic was. She made an impression on me.

One of the struggles I had was when I first started my recovery was I didn't think I was a cg, cos I didn't fit the stereotype. Now I know it's not the case. And the more I read about gambling addiction, we are going to see more and more teenagers becoming addicted because of technology and easy access. I was naive about online gambling when I was forty! Whats it going to be like for young ones.

From what I know of you Jas, I think you would be good at it..if now is not the right time... it's an idea that can develop for when the time is right. Hope my rambling makes sense..and that your having a good weekend 🙂

Love Del xoxo

Morning,

Just a quick update. All is well here. No gambling and no thoughts of gambling either. I look in the mirror these days and the person staring back is a person I used to know before the dreaded gambling got a hold of me.

I have done my first year studying and it has been b l o o d y hard work but oh so rewarding. I am so pleased with my achievements and grades too. Made loads of new friends and to be honest it's been the best thing ever.

For anyone who knows me you will know that my sister is a cg too. Well last night I was celebrating the end of my first year studying and I got a text. It was the usual from my sister. Run out of money gambling blah blah blah. it's so exhausting but when you are in the middle of this behaviour it is all consuming..it is all that matters....where you get more funds from to continue with the gambling. I will chat to her today...keep sending her the same message...you need help!

For Carl......I remember you and Toby, how are you? I started that diary for Baljit as he was struggling with the diary thingy...he thought you had to open a new diary for every entry so he had loads of diaries....it's not my diary, i was just helping.

For anyone who knows me from the past, hello! I hope you are all ok?

Love from Jas xx

Hi Jas,

Many, many thanks for reminding me what life is like when we don't gamble. I am on Day 2 on my new recovery journey and although I have had a year gamble free, you do forget what it was like.

I am already looking forward to have the same feelings that you are having right now!

All the best and keep up with your great work, hope your sister is able to do the same as you very soon.

GT

Hi jas. Thanks for remembering me. I'm doing ok. self excluded from all bookies in town and that was 2 months ago. Not had a bet since. With the money i'm now not losing i got myself a brand new car last week. As a reminder of what you can have. It's well ace just love driving around in it.. If i go out of town i always invite a family member or a friend. So i don't go in bookies. But a new postive me is cool.

Toby is ace still loves me to bits, my best friend.

Glad you are doing so well.

love carl and toby. x

great to read jasmine and congratulations on your coursework and long term abstainence 🙂 best wishes to you and P 🙂

Just wanted to put a few thoughts down. I've been reading some stuff on here recently that has made me feel uncomfortable.

I don't use my diary much these days because the struggle to "not gamble" has subsided and as such doesn't seem to be as much of a problem as it used to be. I have had a mega struggle to quit this sh** compulsion and to do that I have had to work really hard to achieve this. For me I just can't gamble at all because if I do I turn into a maniac. I have accepted that I have absolutely no control over it and I believe, for me anyway, that accepting this fact has been the key to my success.....and yes....in my eyes I have been very successful in my recovery...I never rest on my laurels....but as far as stopping gambling goes this has been a success. I think it was Rusty who wrote somewhere that the hard part is getting life back on the right track...and that's the hard part. It's a lifestyle change and for for me it's a lifestyle change I want to make. It's not easy and there are some cr** parts but i post about my abstinence from gambling to help others see that there is a way forward, it gives hope in the early days.

I saw my daughter buy a scratchcard the other day...only a quid. That's the difference between a cg and someone without a problem. She won't buy another one now for months...pure chance if she won. Now me on the other hand....losing would pee me off....I'd buy another....and the same old pattern emerges. That's why I can't give it the time of day....because I don't have the time, energy or desire any longer.

P and I were chatting the other day whilst walking our dogs....always a good time to chat! He likened online gambling to "having a casino in your pantry available 24/7" How right he is.

Good luck everyone, wherever you are in your recoveries. Jas xx

Hi Jas

Thanks for posting on my diary it was good to hear from you after so long.I know this means you are still gamblefree and things are like you say in your last post getting back on track.Hope you and P are both ok and wish you well.All the best Jeff.

massive warm hugs xxx