2017

Mid March- mixture of feelings, no major urges to gamble though. Loving being able to afford to do things, buy birthday presents, go out for celebrations instead of coming up with awful excuses coz id gambled all my money away! I've spent the morning planning my money and how I'm going to pay debts off, I've worked out if I absolutely 100% stick to my budget, I can be debt free by March next year. I have treated myself a little more this month than I have on a long time, new clothes etc, but nothing major. I will wait a until debt is paid down by another 1/4 now before I treat myself properly again, as I do think I need something to look forward to in the treat sense or I'd probably give up easier and get really down. I do have down days when I think about the mess I got myself into, as I should have savings, nice car, own house etc ,but I remind myself I can't think about that or I wouldn't move forward. It could be worse, I could if I continued to gamble id be in triple the debt I'm in debt and in a much worse situation, so for that I am grateful! I looked back through some bank statements the other day....wow!!! I couldn't keep a track of it, was constant pay day loans in, topped up another £50, £100 then clearly wasn't offered a top up loan, so different pay day loans paid into my bank etc all for it to go straight onto online slots, with draw, day after money back in and so on...I was truly disgusted to see my account and the shame!! I racked up that many pay day loans, it was impossible to pay them all back that month with the rest of my bills, no wonder I was in such a state and a completely different person, one I did not recognise at all! However, It's lovely to actually plan for the future, to see there is a future without gambling because for many years is didnt think there was! I have got my bank card back now, (my best friend held it for me) however, I have got a new card, got her to scratch the 3 digit number off, so I don't know it. I have opened up a separate savers account which isn't linked to my bank and I can't take any money out until Dec-Xmas savers account. The only money in my account is for bills, the rest is in savers or my spends. I have watched a lot of Dave Ramsey's debt free stories and I know they aren't the same as they aren't debt free through gambling stories etc, but I find the truly inspiring as they have paid 100k + in a matter of years, if they can pay that debt off, the I can absolutely pay my debt off!! I've never felt as much fire in my belly to pay these debts off and sleep well at night knowing I don't owe a penny to anyone! When I am debt free, I will never have another credit card or loan again. I will pay for things out right...the way my parents always have and taught me to do (sadly I didn't listen) I'm taking their approach, they paid their mortgage off in a matter of years, they have never had loans etc they don't see the sense in working hard for your money and paying it to loan companies etc and they are right! I don't need anything in life right now, I have truly learnt the difference between want and need. I question everything now, if I buy this will it truly change my life...no so it gets put back! Obviously, the odd time I slip and treat myself, but it's not bought on a credit card or with pay day loan money, it's bought with my money. Although, I'm not debt free...yet. My debt isn't getting any higher and I've not taking anymore loans out, which actually is amazing. I can't remember the last time I didn't have at least 6+ pay day loans in my account in one month! A very vicious circle, I never ever want to be in again! I used to get paid, pay loans back, then take another pay day loan out an hour later after clearing debt so I could gamble and try and win wages back for the month because all my wages went on paying all the loans back, then I'd waste that money trying to win so wouldn't have any left for the month etc Of course it was going to come to a head one day, when I couldn't pay them all back at once, never ever do I want tha feeling of being in such a mess again! I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy, infact it's not a life at all, just existing to gamble, get in debt and not life at all. Anyway, I seem to have rambled for a while, but feels good to get it off my chest. Cx