6 Years On: Facing Forwards

Hi

You sound like a competitive intelligent guy who is doing really well with working out ways of coping with this. I suppose the trick is to find ways of coping with down situations/days without turning to gambling. That short high actually doubles your stress eventually.

You have 2 football teams: D123 Gfree v The Gamblers. Are you going to let the gamblers win? Now there's a challenge/project that will keep you busy!!

I wonder if there will ever be a GAMCARE charity football team - its an idea for them to think about as well. Good luck and take care.

Sorry to hear about your slip. I always looked out for your posts as I think we stopped a similar time.

Maybe time to take stock. There are 2 possible broad interpretations and ways forward.

No financial damage done and you got back in the saddle, as the tired clichГ© goes.

Most on here would I suspect kill to be in your position. So you can just tweak and follow a more simple, revise and amend strategy. Like the above poster says, you could change how you handle difficult times.

Alternatively you could see this as a sign - a sign calling you to dig deeper. It was clear you were heading this way and so there's an argument to look deeper into the self and consider change.

I tend to favour the latter but that's maybe the way I'm naturally predisposed.

Best wishes

Louis

Thanks for your input guys - very much appreciated.

Louis; your comment is definitely thought-provoking. If I were on the outside looking in, I'd likely be advising the same thing. The reason I am reluctant to 'look deeper' - or consider a complete overhaul of strategy - is that I think I have a good understanding of my situation. This is not to say 'I've got this thing sorted' - I'm not naive enough to think that - but more that I have a good appreciation of why I'm in this situation; why I've gone backwards; what my triggers are; what my issues are and how I need to address them. The key part for me is in being proactive about rectifying things.

Five years ago (indeed over the course of a decade) I explored everything: counselling, gamblers anonymous, support groups, CBT, this forum etc. I've spent a long time trying to explore and discover deep-seated psychological issues to 'fix' my gambling habit - i.e. talking with counsellors/GA meetings to try and connect spiritually with the root cause. I always came up short, left feeling frustrated. The real success I had was with CBT, and just thinking practically about how and why I gamble, and how I am big enough and adult enough to make sure I don't do it. Put simply, I slipped momentarily last week, but immediately self-corrected and restored my non-gambling reality.

Right now, there are two major things in my life I need to sort (new job, rehab from injury). My wider wellbeing - and the health of my social life and relationships is instrinsically linked. For some time, I have been proacrastinating - and waiting for these things to sort themselves - but today I'm addressing them wholeheartedly.

Final point: I read a great article recently about how we as individuals are ultimately responsible for our moods and feelings. Terrible things are happening to people every day - but we choose how we react to them. As an example, not getting the job i have been chasing for months (in unlucky circumstances) is a frustrating thing to happen, but I own my reaction to this news. For 3 weeks I have chosen to wallow in self-pity somewhat; thus fueling my aimlessness, anxiety and depression. Today, I am choosing to do something different. Idealistic - yes, but useful nonetheless.

Good luck all. D123

Sounds fair enough and you have a healthy outlook. Using a framework like cbt (in my case ACT) can help to kick start life and get things happening.

Also a big fan of 'personal responsibility' and agree it's powerful and liberating once it dawns that you control your reaction, even to, or especially to, bad stuff.

It's powerful as it challenges hardwiring we have about how we react to events, how we perceive ourselves and 'accept our lot'. That whole applecart gets shaken up once you diligently apply personal responsibility to your every day life.

Listened to a good audio book on personal responsibility (and other stuff) called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a f@#k. Think you might like.

Best

Louis

Hi

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not at all surprised to read of issues around what could very loosely (and perhaps unhelpfully) be described as socially anxious feelings/behaviours. Not from you specifically but it seems increasingly clear that social connection (or lack thereof) is THE big thing behind addiction. I know I'm at risk of pushing my own issues into a wider narrative, but it seems pretty clear - although many perhaps do not either wish to mention it out of egotistical reasons or perhaps are not really self aware (like I wasn't for many years).

I found it useful to consider issues such as acceptance by others/rejection/feeling judged etc (all the same thing really) in the context of human evolution. We evolved to see things as red or green - danger or safe. We also instinctively seek safety in the group and so might have heightened senses of acceptance. That all made a lot of sense in the hunter gatherer era - less so now, but evolution of the mind is a slow process and can't keep up with the way the world's changed out of all recognition in the last couple of thousand years.

So we're still getting all these fight/flight judgemental triggers when there's no real need - when we go for a pint and there's a new person in the group, or someone gives you a funny look at the photocopies. But it's entirely 'human' to do so.

Self-labelling is indeed dangerous. Yet self-awareness is useful. Awareness allows me to stop going into autopilot of avoidance quite so easily. Which is a very good start as the more I avoid the bigger the 'thing' gets.

Louis

Almost a month now since my minor stumble - and getting things back on the straight and narrow.

In all honesty, I can't say I've been massively 'proactive' in addressing this but, as per my previous posts, I've been able to reflect on the episode and stabilise/rationalise my mindset to ensure it hasn't turned into a meltdown.

I accept that I have an addictive personality. So whilst I've steered well clear of gambling, I've certainly replaced it with other things (exercise, reading, online gaming) - all of which I do obsessively, almost to the point of distraction. Not altogether healthy, but obviously far less destructive and damaging than the alternative.

A big 6-8 weeks lie ahead. Another interview big process is progressing, I'm nearing a return to competitive sport following injury, plus I have 2-3 weeks back in the UK with friends and family next month. A lot of potential positives on the horizon... must ensure I remain gamble-free.

D123

A few months since my last post, but a good deal to be positive about.

I'm 3 weeks into a new job; plenty of hard work/challenges lie ahead - but it's a great company and I'm proud that determination and persistence got me in there. Still not fit to play competitive football, but (fingers crossed) not far off. The busier (and more productive) I get, the further gambling is from my mind.

On 10th December, I'll celebrate 5 years gamble-free. This will, of course, exclude a 2-hour window earlier this summer, when I slipped momentarily - losing £200 in the process. Looking forward to the December milestone - and to reflecting on this journey.

Good luck one and all.

D123

Here I am then. Five years since I started this thread - and five years gamble-free.

It's a slightly strange one... in so far as you could say my last bet was actually 5 months ago. Those of you who have read my diary will know that I succumbed very briefly to temptation in July of this year - and wasted a small amount of money playing online poker. But that - or more specifically, my response and reaction to that - was a success in itself.

And this is because (here comes a bold statement...).. I no longer see myself as a problem gambler. I am a compulsive gambler - true. I cannot be trusted to bet responsibly - true. I can never have a 'take it or leave it' relationship with gambling like most people can - true. But does gambling impact my life any more? No.

Please do not misinterpret this to be complacency, delusion or even arrogance. This has been a long and brutally painful road. I spent more than a decade locked in the vice-like grip of gambling addiction which - although fueled by other personal issues and insecurities - was all-consuming and almost destroyed my life. I lost count of the dozens (if not hundreds) or times I 'stopped' using various means, only to arrive back on my knees once again: broken, penniless and suicidal.

For me, there was - and is - no simple solution: no golden nugget that solved the gambling addiction. When - on 10th December 2012, having lost well over £100k - I decided enough was enough, there was no one single thing that provided the answer. Even now, I can't tell you it was the counselling, or the GA meetings, or the CBT therapy, or the daily acitivity on this forum, or the honesty with my close friends and family that made the difference. Rather, it was a combination of all of the above.

I am not 'fixed'. I am not 'cured'. I will live with the urge to gamble for the rest of my life. But for now, I feel like I know how to lead my life without it affecting me; without living in constant fear that it will c*****e me again. I know the dangers, I know the consequences. I know the triggers and (again, dare I say) I know what it is to slip up - and ensure that slip up doesn't become a meltdown.

Above all, I am an adult. And I am in control of my choice not to gamble.

Wishing everyone on here big love, thanks and good luck.

D123

(5 years into recovery)

D123
Fella five years recovering and five months gamble free is something to be proud of.
I have learnt the hard way myself,to gift a long period of abstinence back to addiction.
I am reminded of the words often written here and spoken in the rooms.
Recovery has revolving doors, it doesn't matter how many times you walk through them, it's what you learn each time you do.
For me its the acceptance that I am and always will be an addict, from that I am able to take control,to live without addiction ruling every thought.
I hope for you that five months ago you really did have your last punt.
Life will as you are proving improve profoundly.
For that honour and huge respect to you.
Abstain and maintain.
Duncs.

Hi forum,

This is the first time I have logged in for a year. I'm pleased to report that I'm now 6 years gamble-free. Even better, last week we welcomed our beautiful baby son to this world.

This is not gloating - nor back-slapping or self-congratulation. I hope it doesn't come across like that. I will never be complacent to what gambling can and will do to my life if I give it the window of opportunity. Rather, this is a chance to reflect - and to let people know that transformation is possible. Transformation not in a sudden, knee-j**k "change everything in my life" kind of way, but in a steady, plodding approach to not gambling day-by-day, and to always accepting the help you need.

Today I stand with a great job, a property, money in the bank, and a wonderful family. I even managed to give up smoking earlier this year without too much fuss (there's no way the pregnant mrs would allow it). My point here is that as a gambler everything was about the quick fix: the immediate success and the impatience to achieve things right here, right now. The cruel irony being that the more impatient you are, the less likely you are to ever feel satisfied.

As a short footnote, living overseas I am watching with great interest the changes taking place in UK gambling legislation (everything from FOBT max stakes to advertising in sports etc.). I am still convinced that, in 50 years time, society will look back on gambling with incredulity and shame at the way it operates and is marketed.

I am grateful to be where I am and and wish everyone the best of luck. Keep fighting the good fight.

D123 (6 years into recovery)