Hi all,
After much soul searching after stupid mistakes I have decided to get my life in order and to kick his horrific habit of gambling permanently.
I was exposed to gambling from quite an early age (15) playing Pool in local arcades filled with numerous slot machines all with themes from pop culture that were relevant to me at the time. Places like this myself and friends visited with the good intentions of a few friendly games of pool which should have only cost us £5 each at most but has cost me dearly in the long run with the lingering habits created, Pool halls and slot machines are like bread and butter in these kind of venues and rarely do you see one without the other.
Having managed to kick the habit temporarily on multiple occasions but always slipping back into the usual bad habits, I have now decided to hand over all financial responsibility to my partner through a pending joint account and having just a prepaid cash card loaded each month with £50 for "pocket money" essentially to buy small things or pay for eating out etc.
We have two amazing children however I found myself recently distancing myself from them after I had lost when gambling as I was disgusted with myself and thought they don't deserve to have such a bad person around them. This negative energy is a real burden but I am going to try use it to spur me on to be a better person and be a better Father to my children.
I have gone for 4 days now without gambling I am still having the occasional strong urges but have resisted so far and will be using these journals to gain focus when having these urges to hopefully look at the progress I would have made.
Thanks for reading my story.
P.s If anybody knows of any useful tools for blocking sites at home or on phones that would be great.
Hi and welcome to GC. Well done for starting your diary and being 5 days g free.
Gambling addiction plays with our feelings and emotions and sadly others suffers for it. Please let the losses go and don't think of winning them back. You need to start from the scratch and concentrate on today and your future.
You already put some blocks in place which is very positive (limiting the cash you carry around). As humiliating as it might feel, this is essential in recovery or at least early days..so well done.
As of blocks.there is a free blocker out for computers - K9. You gotta ask someone you trust to put password in for you. You can find out more about other options if you contact GC admin; contact details on "stickies" or main menu.
This journey is not easy and requires commitment. Urges will keep coming but with time they will lessen. There is a lot of help and support out there, you can get free counselling, putting blocks on, limiting your cash, GA meetings...posying on here on good and bad days..nobody will ever judge you here. If you feel urges, always remember they are only thoughts...only by acting on them you can do damage, but those thoughts will go if you fight them off, keep busy, go for a walk or ring a friend on those tough moments . It is possible to beat this. Read some diaries, there is a lot of success stories on these pages.
Be kind to yourself and take it day at a time.
Things will start looking up as soon as gambling fog will lift and you will start finding your old self ...you and your family deserves.
Keep believing, keep posting!!
All the best
Sandra
Thank you for such positive comments.
The urges are still there but trying to keep myself busy when they come by doing something else. My biggest issue is the over saturation of the marketing of gambling, I enjoy listening to talk sport for their football debate but have started having to switch it off due to the sheer volume of betting adverts during their breaks (three in a row this morning), even looking on Facebook or Twitter there are constant sponsored links or even celebrities posting their betting thoughts for the weekend.
Not posted for a couple of days due to a hectic weekend, still having the odd urge but keeping myself busy by reading books and watching documentaries on TV.
i have sat down with my other half regarding my problem and the issues I am having and also confided in my mum and we have discussed where my problems have started and agree it is due to being exposed to gambling at such an early age, just being able to talk about my issues has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders and I feel a lot better for it.
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