A new chapter

I'm on point with you spud. Everything you said is the same for me. We need to do things differently. We can do this.

Hi Spud, There comes a day and the odaat can mean that on any given day when we decide to de things differently we begin anew. Then there is the next day and it's always in the day that we are in that the choice is up once again. Before we actually are sitting and gambling we had an urge/ a feeling / a trigger to go , perhaps it was a fantasy, then we have a moment to choose the next best thing. I have been thinking. Well, it's not like I wake up in front of a slot machine each day. I have to make a choice and put forth effort to get there. I can choose the next best thing. Glad you are here. Keep sharing. T2

Well got through the day as some sort of functioning zombie, no motivation, no spark, gambling sucks the life spirit from you & then some. Was going to have a chat with the missus about latest disaster but add coward to the long list which includes liar & thief. Cut the internet access to gambling off & also got the missus to change PIN numbers on my cards so I don't know them which should keep me out of trouble for a bit.

Day3 dwelling on the past & feeling sorry for myself won't get me anywhere. I've a roof over my head, food in the cupboard, a job I enjoy & a dog who loves me. So my bank account is in tatters, that'll take care of itself if I can keep away from the bookies for a few months. I'm going to dust down my trainers & creep round the streets for a couple of miles.

Still here & still trying, looking for the right way forward but difficult as the cycle of 30 years continuous gambling leaves straightforward thinking not that easy. I'm pretty sure willpower will never be enough on its own as I've failed hundreds of times before but what else to do? Anyway I've all the blocks in place so I'm feeling pretty safe, can't do much damage with four quid in my pocket. Have a good day everyone.

Hello fellow lifer, time to draw a line on that sentence & figure out how to really start living! If you really went back to it because you felt you didn't deserve to be happy, then you're gonna need so outside help to show you how to manage those demons! Addiction thrives on secrecy, you're not a coward just a proud man who took a wrong turn! Take a deep breath & get this out in the open, give your wife the support options she may need & ask (beg if you have to) for her help!

You've done your time, give yourself the best present in the world, recovery - ODAAT

Day6 Thanks ODAAT managing those demons is the crux of the problem, they're safely locked away at the moment but when they surface again as they surely will, I need to walk through the right door for once instead of making continuous bad choices. The other half is completely aware of my problems but after a period of not gambling she too drops her guard & as soon as I get the opportunity I'm binge gambling again.

Yep, I can see that...I have to keep getting the stick out with my OH to remind him to check my balances occasionally. I'm very confident in my recovery @ the moment because I'm like an elephant & am never likely to forget the shame & pain of my past but while I am so early on in it, doing it my own sweet way, I need to have something from him so that he doesn't become complacent! We have a scrum down occasionally & I force him to endure the odd post but for me, him keeping even one lazy eye on the bank stuff (forced or otherwise) means he knows Mr Gamble is always going to be part of our lives!

You know which door to walk through when you get to them, it may be a harder climb but @ least there's not a pit of despair on the other side!

Thanks ODAAT your comments are much appreciated, need to keep in the forefront of my mind the despair gambling causes me. Struggling today, strong urge to put a coupon on to get some sort of fix, but pointless as even if it does come in any winnings will just be more petrol for the fire.

Spud I am currently stretching to go for a run in the pouring rain to avoid the thoughts your having. I am sick of gambling and all it brings. If it was just a coupon and lucky 15 none of us would be on here. You know the story it escalates and before we know where we are its all gone pear shaped, do something to get out of your head be well

Thanks for your support Michael, this would be a lot easier if there was one less Saturday in the week & an extra Monday. I know from bitter experience that £10 or £20 can easily turn into hundreds, it's like a runaway train when it gathers momentum. Quiet day today, walked the dog & maybe a visit to the gym, no thoughts of gambling.

Fall out from gambling surrounds me, from the heap of the car, to the holes in my pants, every time I see a bank statement money disappears to pay for loans & mortgage extensions. How do you move on? I know it's gone & it ain't coming back but the urge to get one over on the bookies is sometimes overwhelming. Day has passed uneventfully, no thoughts of gambling, going out with only loose change definitely the way ahead, wouldn't get my fix from £2 bets.

Day 12 away from gambling, only one bet away from more misery. Feeling so so, will take more than 12 days to get the feeling of disappointment & disgust out my system from my last binge. Need to get these next couple of weeks over & done with, too many betting opportunities, too many bad memories of xmas's spoiled by trying to win a few extra quid then blowing everything. Onwards & upwards.

Day 14 every thing going ok, no chance of gambling, no thoughts of gambling, sick of everything it entails, long may the feeling last.