A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life for Meeeee

Hi YCCMP... good to see you on chat tonight... it's dangerous watching greyhounds and live roulette etc... you're mugging yourself off. Stay away pal and stay focused on being gamble free. Just remember you can't win at gambling as you won't stop. Good luck sir.

Thanks Change.

Today is Day 2.

It was a very surreal day. Felt like I was dizzy, light headed and on drugs for most of the day. Was at work, people knew I wasn't in good form but what could I say?

I had to escape for a while and had a little cry in toilet.

This is not me.. I am Mr positive and happy.

I had moments of strength and positivity but well outweighed by feeling like a failure.

I have decided to pay off the debt in best way I can and will keep a percentage total to keep me motivated. It will take at least 12 months - I plan on this being my new addiction. I just don't feel confident disclosing my actual figure at this time.

I had a moment of weakness where I checked the dogs and contemplated doubling up on what I had left on CC by hitting an EvensFav. He won by a half length (held on). But weirdly I felt better for NOT gambling. As I said before I was previously 2 years clean so know how much better life is outside of the action.

Anyway, hopefully day 3 is happier.

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Debt paid off: 0% (13/06/16)
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Day 3 - full of positivity but why d**n Ascot calling my name.

Watched the big race and surprise surprise a somewhat outsider won (Detorri).

Made a payment plan for CC debt and made first, albeit small, payment so steps are in place to get things rolling 🙂

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Debt paid off: 2.75% (14/06/16)
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Hi Paul, good to chat to you tonight mate

Stay safe

Gaz

Yeah second what Gaz said - good to speak tonight. Stay focused. Keep posting as it helps us all.

Thanks for help Sword and Change.

Appreciate the support.

Day 5 today - doing good. Nothing else to report really.

On right track.

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Debt paid off: 2.75% (16/06/16)
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Hi Paul, how often can you pay 3% of your debt off ? Every week means it will be gone in 8.5 months, every month means it will be gone in short of three years. It's a goal a real targt to be debt free. - Stay with it - don't gamble - Paul

Hey, thanks for input.

Its probably going to be closer to 8-10% monthly topped up with random amounts as and when I get extra (not from gambling, obv!).

Not in gd place.

Relapsed again.

Hi there,

Pick yourself up and don't drown deeper...
Don't make a slip in full relapse..they will only hurt you. Stand bk up & dust yourself down. It is only a lesson you learned on a way. No disaster...no emd of the world.
Keep looking for what is working for you and don't beat yourself up.

We all do mistakes...but that's what makes us stronger.

Stay safe

Sandra

Thanks Sandra, really disappointed in myself for almost making a week but slipping.

The "mind gambling" that other members had warned me about got me yesterday. I ended up pumping money in and at one stage I had almost doubled up. But you know the story - greed and compulsion.

By the end I was desperately on live roulette betting on 0. A 35-1 shot. w*f was I doing?

So I literally felt sick all night, angry at myself and I still am.

On a positive note I have now self excluded from all online sites. That should be a good block on things that I should have already done before yesterdays slip!

Back to 0%, even -%s now. o*g I am so stupid - I swear I f****** hate gambling.

Hi Paul. Sorry to hear about your relapse but to come back on here and admit it is great. I can tell you definitely want to stop so that's a good thing. Try and use this experience to learn for next time.

Stay safe

Gaz

Thanks Gaz, I am gutted right now.

New plan in place for the debt.. The debt is the reason I gamble I think and I need to shake that. Its not even debt that overly effects me (CC which I can meet way over min payments) but its there and my compulsive behaviour makes me want to clear it instantly. I believe for me a loan to clear the CC is best - thereby closing the CC as I never gamble with my actual money. If that makes sense?

As I said Im now self excluded from my online haunts, Ive got to keep the demon away.

I just fear that I am addict for life and unable to shake it. I did it for 2 years now right back to where I was. Its painful to think of it that way.

Day 1 again. Ouch.

Therein lies the proof Paul that addiction is kidding you it's all about the debt! Plenty of people on here have managed to get out of debt (me included, countless times I'm afraid) & continued to gamble. Barriers (well done for excluding) are only good to a point, after that, it's all about a complete change of mindset! You will be an addict for life but that doesn't mean you can't learn to live with addiction, it does mean you can't gamble again but that becomes more than bearable after a time. With the right help & support, recovery will feel like a gift not the punishment that you are inflicting on yourself @ the minute.

It's not hopeless, but you need to try something more than just willpower & focus on your life, not your money - ODAAT